DH making 16-yr old attend niece's 5th Bday party

[Anonymous]

Team Dad

[Anonymous]

My nieces and nephews are about ten years older than my kids too, and they never came or any of their parties. They also made clear that they had no interest in my kids more generally. Now they are in their twenties and have zero relationship with them.

Make her go. It going means she won’t be invited in the future and little kids are people and notice these things.

[Anonymous]

I would force a last born child to go, but not one who has a younger sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The party is at my sister-in-law's house.

She's also miserable because she ends up babysitting a bunch of younger kids. Our other niece who is a teenager will not be there. We see them often so it's not like a rare occasion or anything.

Oh, definitely a NO then. Not fair and I wouldn’t make my 16yo DD go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nieces and nephews are about ten years older than my kids too, and they never came or any of their parties. They also made clear that they had no interest in my kids more generally. Now they are in their twenties and have zero relationship with them.

Make her go. It going means she won’t be invited in the future and little kids are people and notice these things.

Or you’ll just foster resentment. You can build relationships in other ways.

Forcing a 16yo to attend a 5yo party so that the parents have a free babysitter is not a good way to encourage positive relationships.

[Anonymous]

If she doesn't want to go and has other things to do (and not glue her eyeballs to her phone screen), such as studying, actual in-person socializing, or sports, then she should prioritize those over a family event, bar weddings, new baby visit or funerals. Adolescence is serious business, socially and academically.

I highly doubt your 16 year old has "nothing to do".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its her cousin , should go in my opinion.

To a 10 years old birthday party when you're 16? No way!

[Anonymous]

Pay her of she ends up babysit or helping with party. My

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The party is at my sister-in-law's house.

She's also miserable because she ends up babysitting a bunch of younger kids. Our other niece who is a teenager will not be there. We see them often so it's not like a rare occasion or anything.

She’s 16

Your husband wants to look good by offering his daughter as free labor and pretending that he’s raised such a family oriented kid that this is no big deal.

She does all the work and he gets all the credit.

It’s past time you stand up for your kid. If he makes her go, tell her to not do anything extra. She’s a guest. She’s not a babysitter. And she especially shouldn’t be doing more work than your husband. Tell her to take a page out of every lazy dad’s playbook and “go to the bathroom” whenever there’s a demand for kid wrangling. Stay there for at least 30 minutes (or if there’s only one bathroom just stand outside the door and take her time coming back.) Also give her permission to take a “call” from you if she feels stuck, so she has an excuse to step outside and use the phone in private.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

I was the oldest cousin…12 years older than the next oldest and 21 years older than the baby. I went to a lot of their birthdays parties growing up. Not everyone because of college and sports commitments but lots. I also babysat them and entertained them a lot at other family events. I have no lingering resentment. Those same cousins have watched, entertained and been involved in my kids lives for the past 13 years. It’s what family does….

[Anonymous]

She shouldn’t have to go.

[Anonymous]

Teenager should not have to go. This isn’t so much a family event as a 5yr old birthday party with their friends to which family is also invited. The teenager has an established relationship and will see them at other times. Have a family dinner if you want family to celebrate.

[Anonymous]

I may be an outlier here but I think she should go. I bet the same parents who complain about their teens being self centered and entitled are the same parents who would give their 16 year old a pass to attend her younger cousin’s bday party. You are a FAMILY! That’s what family members do. We are lucky that be surrounded by extended family and all the cousins, young and old, attend each others bday parties. The older kids take care of the younger ones. It’s just part of the responsibilities of being a member of a family.

[Anonymous]

If I was daughter I would be sick with my period. Severe cramps. Then I would get to stay home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be an outlier here but I think she should go. I bet the same parents who complain about their teens being self centered and entitled are the same parents who would give their 16 year old a pass to attend her younger cousin’s bday party. You are a FAMILY! That’s what family members do. We are lucky that be surrounded by extended family and all the cousins, young and old, attend each others bday parties. The older kids take care of the younger ones. It’s just part of the responsibilities of being a member of a family.

Why don't the parents and aunt and uncles take care of all the kids? Sounds like you just want to party and hand off the responsibility of the work to others.