SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is this woman? If she has a child she’s old enough to not need to be a birthday princess and have every single person present to watch her blow out candles. Not saying OP did things perfectly but SIL sounds exhausting.

Also, I’m not a germaphobe and would probably go anyway, but at probably at least one person from that family was contagious with the flu at the party.

On the flip side, the event was a birthday party and OP "attended." If someone came to my birthday party I would assume they wanted to be there for the singing/cake, even if they wanted to sit outside for most of it. Otherwise, why did OP attend at all - she didn't interact with other attendees or even eat dinner with the rest of the family. The only reason I would think she came was for that one face time/ family picture moment, so I don't think letting her know "it's cake o'clock" is necessarily attention seeking.

She went because her DH guilted her into it and told her she could stay outside.

Right, and I think 90% of us agree that she should have stayed home. But since she did go, I think it's ridiculous for people to be calling SIL every name in the book for . . . telling a guest at her birthday party that the cake cutting time has arrived. It's significantly more ridiculous of OP to attend a birthday party but pout away from the group all night than for SIL to say "hey, the cake is coming, do you and nephew want to come in and sing?"

I think the only thing OP did that was really wrong was say elderly FIL can come outside. That was beyond wrong. All the other stuff is a perfect storm of bad choices and stress. OP apologized, rightly, then SIL should let it go. There are times when I think people glom onto something just to be able justifying being angry and staying angry. I'm guessing SIL doesn't like OP, which is the heart of the real problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is this woman? If she has a child she’s old enough to not need to be a birthday princess and have every single person present to watch her blow out candles. Not saying OP did things perfectly but SIL sounds exhausting.

Also, I’m not a germaphobe and would probably go anyway, but at probably at least one person from that family was contagious with the flu at the party.

On the flip side, the event was a birthday party and OP "attended." If someone came to my birthday party I would assume they wanted to be there for the singing/cake, even if they wanted to sit outside for most of it. Otherwise, why did OP attend at all - she didn't interact with other attendees or even eat dinner with the rest of the family. The only reason I would think she came was for that one face time/ family picture moment, so I don't think letting her know "it's cake o'clock" is necessarily attention seeking.

She went because her DH guilted her into it and told her she could stay outside.

Right, and I think 90% of us agree that she should have stayed home. But since she did go, I think it's ridiculous for people to be calling SIL every name in the book for . . . telling a guest at her birthday party that the cake cutting time has arrived. It's significantly more ridiculous of OP to attend a birthday party but pout away from the group all night than for SIL to say "hey, the cake is coming, do you and nephew want to come in and sing?"

I think the only thing OP did that was really wrong was say elderly FIL can come outside. That was beyond wrong. All the other stuff is a perfect storm of bad choices and stress. OP apologized, rightly, then SIL should let it go. There are times when I think people glom onto something just to be able justifying being angry and staying angry. I'm guessing SIL doesn't like OP, which is the heart of the real problem.

Probably the last straw of dealing with her diva behavior. And miracle of all miracles, the child is already recovered from the "flu" and nobody else was sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is this woman? If she has a child she’s old enough to not need to be a birthday princess and have every single person present to watch her blow out candles. Not saying OP did things perfectly but SIL sounds exhausting.

Also, I’m not a germaphobe and would probably go anyway, but at probably at least one person from that family was contagious with the flu at the party.

On the flip side, the event was a birthday party and OP "attended." If someone came to my birthday party I would assume they wanted to be there for the singing/cake, even if they wanted to sit outside for most of it. Otherwise, why did OP attend at all - she didn't interact with other attendees or even eat dinner with the rest of the family. The only reason I would think she came was for that one face time/ family picture moment, so I don't think letting her know "it's cake o'clock" is necessarily attention seeking.

She went because her DH guilted her into it and told her she could stay outside.

Right, and I think 90% of us agree that she should have stayed home. But since she did go, I think it's ridiculous for people to be calling SIL every name in the book for . . . telling a guest at her birthday party that the cake cutting time has arrived. It's significantly more ridiculous of OP to attend a birthday party but pout away from the group all night than for SIL to say "hey, the cake is coming, do you and nephew want to come in and sing?"

I think the only thing OP did that was really wrong was say elderly FIL can come outside. That was beyond wrong. All the other stuff is a perfect storm of bad choices and stress. OP apologized, rightly, then SIL should let it go. There are times when I think people glom onto something just to be able justifying being angry and staying angry. I'm guessing SIL doesn't like OP, which is the heart of the real problem.

I read it the opposite way - OP doesn't like SIL (and possibly any of her in laws) and took her pique at DH for "making" her go to the birthday dinner by being dramatic and making the party about herself. "Can you guys come in and sing?" - "Bring the cake to me" . . . "Well, then bring the cake and FIL to me" - this is really bizarre behavior. It's not April 2021, no lives were on the line. As much as people seem to think SIL is outrageous for daring to celebrate her own birthday, I think the same people are ignoring that OP made SIL's birthday about herself.

[Anonymous]

If you ‘truly meant’ the apology, then you should’ve called not texted.

[Anonymous]

First, it should be "DH and me".
Second, you sound insane.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe an adult needs a group of people to sing her happy birthday and watch her blow out candles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, it should be "DH and me".

Here to say this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe an adult needs a group of people to sing her happy birthday and watch her blow out candles.

This is all fake. What does OPs kids midterm have to do with her deciding not to go to the party anyway? She doesn't want to get him sick? But half the household went anyway? It's like Bingo. Flu(Covid), masks, adult birthday party, SIL, FIL, texting an apology, bad grammar, just so many hot button issues all in one neat package.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So first adults who throw themselves a birthday party and expect everyone to celebrate them are losers. It’s very cringe and sad.

Second , your mistake was in going. Your husband got tired of everyone saying where’s Jane and took the easy way out. I would have stuck to our decision and reminded DH nope we already decided not to go.

Third, it was rude and weird for your sister in law to demand that you enter to sing happy birthday to her and cut the cake. Attention deprived loser.

Rather than demanding FIL come out though, I would have held fast on nope not coming in. If she got pushy, I would have asked ‘do you really need me to sing to you? Because frankly, you aren’t 10 years old so I don’t get it.

Move on, forget it and next time when you decide something

Best response.

OP, your SIL is selfish and self-centered.
With a sick kid at ILs with the flu, she should not have required and attended a party.

If she's mad at you for long, good riddance!!!!

Exactly! I agree too. I generally don't force people into uncomfortable situations epseically for something as stupid as singing me a happy birthday. I actually don't think OP had anything to apologize for. FIL was able to get himself to the restaurant somehow, but not the extra 10 feel. Give me a break.

If you think asking a mobility impaired elderly man to come outside because OP is freaked out about a person exposed (but not sick with) flu, because of an upcoming test(!) for her kid…then I don’t know what to say. That’s nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is the one at fault.

No. OP is responsible for her own actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few questions -

if you were so worried about secondary exposure to the flu - why was it suddenly OK for your kid and the rest of your family to hang out with her family? Was the exam over?

I don't understand the difference between hanging out at the party but outside vs the cake cutting. Were people inside for the most part and OP was talking from the patio or was FIL inside by himself with everyone outside? I guess I don't understand the distinction for the cake cutting.

I also don't understand why the exam taker couldn't just stay home by himself.

But basically yes you WAY overreacted and text apology doesn't really count. But icing out your entire family is also overdramatic.

Exam taker was at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So first adults who throw themselves a birthday party and expect everyone to celebrate them are losers. It’s very cringe and sad.

Second , your mistake was in going. Your husband got tired of everyone saying where’s Jane and took the easy way out. I would have stuck to our decision and reminded DH nope we already decided not to go.

Third, it was rude and weird for your sister in law to demand that you enter to sing happy birthday to her and cut the cake. Attention deprived loser.

Rather than demanding FIL come out though, I would have held fast on nope not coming in. If she got pushy, I would have asked ‘do you really need me to sing to you? Because frankly, you aren’t 10 years old so I don’t get it.

Move on, forget it and next time when you decide something

Best response.

OP, your SIL is selfish and self-centered.
With a sick kid at ILs with the flu, she should not have required and attended a party.

If she's mad at you for long, good riddance!!!!

None of that justifies OP. None of it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you overreacted to a cold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apologies over text are meaningless and you all are drama queens.

This. Pick up the phone, coward. And you were totally jerky and persnickity. Clearly you don't really like your SIL. And that's ok. But you begrudgingly went to her party and were a pooper. And why couldn't the plan be for your kid be home alone from the start? You're clearly very local if you could run over to the party when husband insisted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is this woman? If she has a child she’s old enough to not need to be a birthday princess and have every single person present to watch her blow out candles. Not saying OP did things perfectly but SIL sounds exhausting.

Also, I’m not a germaphobe and would probably go anyway, but at probably at least one person from that family was contagious with the flu at the party.

On the flip side, the event was a birthday party and OP "attended." If someone came to my birthday party I would assume they wanted to be there for the singing/cake, even if they wanted to sit outside for most of it. Otherwise, why did OP attend at all - she didn't interact with other attendees or even eat dinner with the rest of the family. The only reason I would think she came was for that one face time/ family picture moment, so I don't think letting her know "it's cake o'clock" is necessarily attention seeking.

She went because her DH guilted her into it and told her she could stay outside.

Right, and I think 90% of us agree that she should have stayed home. But since she did go, I think it's ridiculous for people to be calling SIL every name in the book for . . . telling a guest at her birthday party that the cake cutting time has arrived. It's significantly more ridiculous of OP to attend a birthday party but pout away from the group all night than for SIL to say "hey, the cake is coming, do you and nephew want to come in and sing?"

Agree completely. SIL is the jerk for inviting a birthday party guest to join the cake cutting? No.

OP sat outside the whole time (that is weird). And then stormed off without warning when the party wouldn't relocate outside? And then OP apologized THROUGH A TEXT?

Some of you are missing some pretty big points here.