SIL upset with DH and I - overreaction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So first adults who throw themselves a birthday party and expect everyone to celebrate them are losers. It’s very cringe and sad.

Second , your mistake was in going. Your husband got tired of everyone saying where’s Jane and took the easy way out. I would have stuck to our decision and reminded DH nope we already decided not to go.

Third, it was rude and weird for your sister in law to demand that you enter to sing happy birthday to her and cut the cake. Attention deprived loser.

Rather than demanding FIL come out though, I would have held fast on nope not coming in. If she got pushy, I would have asked ‘do you really need me to sing to you? Because frankly, you aren’t 10 years old so I don’t get it.

Move on, forget it and next time when you decide something

Best response.

OP, your SIL is selfish and self-centered.
With a sick kid at ILs with the flu, she should not have required and attended a party.

If she's mad at you for long, good riddance!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So first adults who throw themselves a birthday party and expect everyone to celebrate them are losers. It’s very cringe and sad.

Second , your mistake was in going. Your husband got tired of everyone saying where’s Jane and took the easy way out. I would have stuck to our decision and reminded DH nope we already decided not to go.

Third, it was rude and weird for your sister in law to demand that you enter to sing happy birthday to her and cut the cake. Attention deprived loser.

Rather than demanding FIL come out though, I would have held fast on nope not coming in. If she got pushy, I would have asked ‘do you really need me to sing to you? Because frankly, you aren’t 10 years old so I don’t get it.

Move on, forget it and next time when you decide something

Best response.

OP, your SIL is selfish and self-centered.
With a sick kid at ILs with the flu, she should not have required and attended a party.

If she's mad at you for long, good riddance!!!!

+1. Agree with all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was right. You were wrong. The sick kid wasn't at the party and the world doesn't revolve around your kid's GPA. That midterm is not the reason you had a fit. Reach into your brain and figure out what your problem really is.

+1 You clearly dislike your SIL and created a lot of drama around this event needlessly. She's visiting her family for her birthday yet somehow the entire night was centered around your germophobia, ostensibly in service of your kid's test? DH has to scout the restaurant for a place separate from the party for you sit and be catered to, has to text you about what's going on, then you argue that you shouldn't have to come inside for even two minutes and instead they should wheel the elderly outside for your comfort, because . . . think of the geometry test? It seems really ridiculous to an observer.

The SIL created the unnecessary drama by insisting she go inside after op made it clear she was uncomfortable doing so. Op should have stayed home but SIL would have made a big deal about that since she's already a "whole family over for my bday" type but leaves her dh and son out. Like attracts like but op does seem like the bigger person to have apologized. SIL is still throwing a hissy fit because someone dared to have health anxiety on her birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So first adults who throw themselves a birthday party and expect everyone to celebrate them are losers. It’s very cringe and sad.

Second , your mistake was in going. Your husband got tired of everyone saying where’s Jane and took the easy way out. I would have stuck to our decision and reminded DH nope we already decided not to go.

Third, it was rude and weird for your sister in law to demand that you enter to sing happy birthday to her and cut the cake. Attention deprived loser.

Rather than demanding FIL come out though, I would have held fast on nope not coming in. If she got pushy, I would have asked ‘do you really need me to sing to you? Because frankly, you aren’t 10 years old so I don’t get it.

Move on, forget it and next time when you decide something

Best response.

OP, your SIL is selfish and self-centered.
With a sick kid at ILs with the flu, she should not have required and attended a party.

If she's mad at you for long, good riddance!!!!

Exactly! I agree too. I generally don't force people into uncomfortable situations epseically for something as stupid as singing me a happy birthday. I actually don't think OP had anything to apologize for. FIL was able to get himself to the restaurant somehow, but not the extra 10 feel. Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

A few questions -

if you were so worried about secondary exposure to the flu - why was it suddenly OK for your kid and the rest of your family to hang out with her family? Was the exam over?

I don't understand the difference between hanging out at the party but outside vs the cake cutting. Were people inside for the most part and OP was talking from the patio or was FIL inside by himself with everyone outside? I guess I don't understand the distinction for the cake cutting.

I also don't understand why the exam taker couldn't just stay home by himself.

But basically yes you WAY overreacted and text apology doesn't really count. But icing out your entire family is also overdramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was right. You were wrong. The sick kid wasn't at the party and the world doesn't revolve around your kid's GPA. That midterm is not the reason you had a fit. Reach into your brain and figure out what your problem really is.

+1 You clearly dislike your SIL and created a lot of drama around this event needlessly. She's visiting her family for her birthday yet somehow the entire night was centered around your germophobia, ostensibly in service of your kid's test? DH has to scout the restaurant for a place separate from the party for you sit and be catered to, has to text you about what's going on, then you argue that you shouldn't have to come inside for even two minutes and instead they should wheel the elderly outside for your comfort, because . . . think of the geometry test? It seems really ridiculous to an observer.

The SIL created the unnecessary drama by insisting she go inside after op made it clear she was uncomfortable doing so. Op should have stayed home but SIL would have made a big deal about that since she's already a "whole family over for my bday" type but leaves her dh and son out. Like attracts like but op does seem like the bigger person to have apologized. SIL is still throwing a hissy fit because someone dared to have health anxiety on her birthday.

For her mobility-impaired father who couldn't come out. Read better. I bet this isn't the first time OP has done something like this and SIL is just fed up with it.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is the one at fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was right. You were wrong. The sick kid wasn't at the party and the world doesn't revolve around your kid's GPA. That midterm is not the reason you had a fit. Reach into your brain and figure out what your problem really is.

+1 You clearly dislike your SIL and created a lot of drama around this event needlessly. She's visiting her family for her birthday yet somehow the entire night was centered around your germophobia, ostensibly in service of your kid's test? DH has to scout the restaurant for a place separate from the party for you sit and be catered to, has to text you about what's going on, then you argue that you shouldn't have to come inside for even two minutes and instead they should wheel the elderly outside for your comfort, because . . . think of the geometry test? It seems really ridiculous to an observer.

The SIL created the unnecessary drama by insisting she go inside after op made it clear she was uncomfortable doing so. Op should have stayed home but SIL would have made a big deal about that since she's already a "whole family over for my bday" type but leaves her dh and son out. Like attracts like but op does seem like the bigger person to have apologized. SIL is still throwing a hissy fit because someone dared to have health anxiety on her birthday.

For her mobility-impaired father who couldn't come out. Read better. I bet this isn't the first time OP has done something like this and SIL is just fed up with it.

Yet, he made it to the restaurant to sing happy birthday to his princess. Please! She was just protecting daddy and made a scene insisting that SHE had better judgment than OP when it came to OP's health.

[Anonymous]

Definitely you were wrong, OP, but I totally get not wanting to go to the party. Not everyone is as susceptible to getting sick as others, which can lead to some discounting (no big deal!) while others are extra cautious. Frankly, I would be more worried about the elderly parents with a sick kid staying at their house.

But, you apologized. Not much else you can do. As to your DH he shouldn't have pressured you to go. Basically, a perfect storm of stress on all sides.

[Anonymous]

OP I'd look at your response through the lens of what you're doing for your kid. To me, that's the most problematic thing. Your DH went, so how would that help your son for you not to go? Unless you're always putting his needs first.

[Anonymous]

1. I prioritize my teens college admissions, OP, so I entirely understand your reluctance to attend this party.

2. Your SIL is selfish and irrational and I am angry at her on your behalf.

3. BUT!
The problem is likely to reoccur because you don't seem to understand when is the right time to avoid, deflect or decline. You should never have showed up! When your husband calls you and starts to insist, you should pretext something to end the call and say you're sorry, it's not possible. You can apologize later, he lives with you and can't stay mad at you forever. If you show up, you show up with a mask and when your SIL asks you to come in, knowing she's a touchy idiot, you humor her by stepping inside and wearing your mask (you can buy N95s, they are proven to protect you). What you do NOT do, is feel put upon because both your idiot husband and your idiot SIL have rudely pressured you to attend, only to snap at the worst possible time and drag in your poor FIL into the fight! This guarantees that you come across as the unreasonable one (to them, not to me).

4. It's very nice you apologized, but really, you were not initially in the wrong. Your SIL is entirely crazy to be offended. Do not apologize any more and ignore her. Tell your husband YOU are offended and YOU should receive an apology. Tell him he should not have insisted you come, and that you're done with his side of the family until he and they learn to respect your wishes. I say this because I have the feeling you're a very anxious type and apt to be bullied by your spouse and in-laws. Two ways to get out of that: stand up for yourself from the very start and don't budge, and try not to get so anxious about health, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is this woman? If she has a child she’s old enough to not need to be a birthday princess and have every single person present to watch her blow out candles. Not saying OP did things perfectly but SIL sounds exhausting.

Also, I’m not a germaphobe and would probably go anyway, but at probably at least one person from that family was contagious with the flu at the party.

On the flip side, the event was a birthday party and OP "attended." If someone came to my birthday party I would assume they wanted to be there for the singing/cake, even if they wanted to sit outside for most of it. Otherwise, why did OP attend at all - she didn't interact with other attendees or even eat dinner with the rest of the family. The only reason I would think she came was for that one face time/ family picture moment, so I don't think letting her know "it's cake o'clock" is necessarily attention seeking.

[Anonymous]

Jesus, what a family of losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is this woman? If she has a child she’s old enough to not need to be a birthday princess and have every single person present to watch her blow out candles. Not saying OP did things perfectly but SIL sounds exhausting.

Also, I’m not a germaphobe and would probably go anyway, but at probably at least one person from that family was contagious with the flu at the party.

On the flip side, the event was a birthday party and OP "attended." If someone came to my birthday party I would assume they wanted to be there for the singing/cake, even if they wanted to sit outside for most of it. Otherwise, why did OP attend at all - she didn't interact with other attendees or even eat dinner with the rest of the family. The only reason I would think she came was for that one face time/ family picture moment, so I don't think letting her know "it's cake o'clock" is necessarily attention seeking.

She went because her DH guilted her into it and told her she could stay outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is this woman? If she has a child she’s old enough to not need to be a birthday princess and have every single person present to watch her blow out candles. Not saying OP did things perfectly but SIL sounds exhausting.

Also, I’m not a germaphobe and would probably go anyway, but at probably at least one person from that family was contagious with the flu at the party.

On the flip side, the event was a birthday party and OP "attended." If someone came to my birthday party I would assume they wanted to be there for the singing/cake, even if they wanted to sit outside for most of it. Otherwise, why did OP attend at all - she didn't interact with other attendees or even eat dinner with the rest of the family. The only reason I would think she came was for that one face time/ family picture moment, so I don't think letting her know "it's cake o'clock" is necessarily attention seeking.

She went because her DH guilted her into it and told her she could stay outside.

Right, and I think 90% of us agree that she should have stayed home. But since she did go, I think it's ridiculous for people to be calling SIL every name in the book for . . . telling a guest at her birthday party that the cake cutting time has arrived. It's significantly more ridiculous of OP to attend a birthday party but pout away from the group all night than for SIL to say "hey, the cake is coming, do you and nephew want to come in and sing?"