Family Bed - How Old is Too Old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious (and my apologies if already answered as I did not have time to read this whole thread), but how do you get ANY sleep? My 3 year old has started climbing into bed with us and on day 4 of this I'm about to keel over from the exhaustion. You must be heavy sleepers?

mine start in my bed so there is no climbing. I think since we have co slept from the begining, we are all use to it. Everyone sleeps soundly.

one more thing to add, before I had kids, my two golden retrievers and two cats slept with us. I could hardly allow that and not my kids. Dogs /cats were promptly moved to their own beds to make for my baby. We slept fine with all of that too. I am a little amazed at those that sleep with an animal but judge me for sleeping with my babies.

[Anonymous]

MIL was visiting this past week. She confided that all four of her kids co-slept until the oldest was around 10 & the youngest 5. They are all in their 30s now and don't have any problems related to sleeping and don't report any trauma from having slept with their parents (and each other) for so long. But they do have some funny stories about accidentally peeing on their father.

MIL said that it was the only way they could get sleep at night. Otherwise she was usually up and down all night trying to comfort one of the kids.

So at least she didn't judge me for having a co-sleeper attached to our bed for our 2 month old daughter. I'm not sure if we'll co-sleep once she's older but it doesn't sound like the worst idea in the world. DH is all for it, and he knows better than I what the pee-related risks are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL said that it was the only way they could get sleep at night. Otherwise she was usually up and down all night trying to comfort one of the kids.

Ah, here's your reason...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello. This is more of a question, than a comment. I know this is one of these subjects that gets people fired up. I was wondering from the parents of the older kids that are sleeping in family bed, how does the independance foster itself away from home, such as overnight camps, outdoor ed, etc. My personal experience in seeing the kids that are hugging mom's leg(the little ones) or don't have sleepovers as quickly as other kids it's because they don't have any separation from mom and dad. I guess this was kind of a comment also. I also learn different points of views on this site, and love giving my opinion. Please don't jump on me to hard. Although, I can take it. The great zucchini

We co-sleep with our 3 year old. I don't understand why people think that co-sleeping will lead to lack of independence. There are many other ways to foster independence. My son goes to school 5 mornings a week, is very very outgoing, goes up to strangers, etc. Some would agree that having such a strong bond with your child improves independence, and makes your child feel more secure and confident.

Havent' had to deal with the sleep over issue yet, though agree that it may be complicated by the fact that we co-sleep. But I don't think that means my son generally has a independence issue.

BTW, Great Zuchini, saw your show Sunday at the Arlington Drafthouse and had a great time!

Thank you for your kind words. This site is terrific because it allows people to give and get advice and I'm always perplexed that their are certain topics over and over that we as a society are very black and white on. Pacifiers, sleeping in bed with mom and dad, etc. Anyway, I think it's interesting how we have certain views that we all feel very strongly about when it comes to the little ones. the great zucchini

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who co-sleep, we were wondering when DC finally left the family bed?

We have two boys, ages 4 and 9. Both are still in the family bed. Yes, it is getting crowded, but no one in the household seems particularly interested in changing the set-up. Is this too much of a good thing? Is there anyone out there who has a DC still in the family bed at 10 or older?

It's almost a year later. Did your now 10 year old make it out of the bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's too Old when a) someone wants to start sleeping away from the family bed or b) the quality of sleep deteriorates because there are 4 biggish people in the bed.

And when b happens, I would think to move both kids out at once --perhaps to a joint bed and then to singles (Unless of course they want to go straight to twin beds).

This person had a very smart, concise answer, IMO. We co-slept. My 7 y.o. boy has his own bed and starts there, but often comes into bed with me in the wee hours of the morning. I don't even notice 'til I wake up. Rarely, if something unusual or stressful is going on (nightmare, illness, etc.) he starts with me. No big whoop. He's well adjusted and fine, and can sleep on his own. Also, at 7, he's just *big*.

Ignore the folks who feel compelled to chime in who find this entire convo icky. They have issues. You don't.

[Anonymous]

For those who co-slept for many years, and then stopped - do you ever allow DC back into bed on occasion if he/she wants to, or do you fold firm, fearing a slippery slope.

[Anonymous]

To 19:54: Yes. My son (nine) sleeps with me when dad's out of town. My son crawls in whenever he wants (thunder, stress....) and he wants to less and less often.

We ended up being family bed people. Never intended it, but due to illness and tiredness, we ended up there. No regrets, and kid has no issues with independence or sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

When it stops working for someone, you stop doing it. Until then, why change what's working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying this to sound judgemental but how do you have any intimacy with your husband when you co sleep with children that old?

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound judgemental but is your bed the only place you and DH do it? And is before bed the only time when you do it? I'm so tired right before bedtime that the last thing on my mind is getting busy w/DH. We have two other rooms with beds and they're used frequently, not to mention places in the living room and elsewhere that I won't get into for fear of making you blush.

Spice it up, sister. Move out of the master bedroom and into...anywhere else for a change.

[Anonymous]

For those who co-sleep, do you tell your children not to tell anyone outside of the family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying this to sound judgemental but how do you have any intimacy with your husband when you co sleep with children that old?

LOL! Not OP, but DH and I co sleep with our kids and 3 nights ago we got busy in one of our bathrooms. It was spontaneous and hot. We also have more than one guest bed and plenty of other space to have fun. Your sex life must be...routine, but whatever floats your boat! By the time I hit the sack, I'm so tired that the last thing I want is to be getting busy. The master bed is for sleeeeeeeep zzzzzzz....

[Anonymous]

So glad someone asked this, b/c I'm sure we're pushing the outer limits. We have twin boys, 13, who still crawl into bed with us. We love to snuggle them, and it doesn't seem strange to us at all. I used to threaten to tell their friends to get them to stay in their own beds, but now I just see this as who they are, and why fight a chance for more closeness that won't last much longer? I do wonder, though, what will happen when they hit puberty and start having wet dreams????

[Anonymous]

Oh my, this thread is 2 years old. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying this to sound judgemental but how do you have any intimacy with your husband when you co sleep with children that old?

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound judgemental but is your bed the only place you and DH do it? And is before bed the only time when you do it? I'm so tired right before bedtime that the last thing on my mind is getting busy w/DH. We have two other rooms with beds and they're used frequently, not to mention places in the living room and elsewhere that I won't get into for fear of making you blush.

Spice it up, sister. Move out of the master bedroom and into...anywhere else for a change.

Actually, I was wondering about this but not only about sex, which we can and do have in other places. More about other kinds of intimacy-- talking to one another when you turn out the light. Rolling over and kissing your spouse, maybe getting slightly fresh, first thing in the morning. Puttering about in the bedroom together when the kids are asleep. I have to wonder, too-- the morning erection is a pretty common and involuntary thing. Do you have to arrange everyone so that dad's not near a kid or does it magically go away when you know that the children are there?

And while I wouldn't be all that concerned about children having independence problems, if I were considering this (ours didn't do it so that ship has sailed), I'd be concerned that my husband and I would be the ones with the independence issues-- that we'd be empty nesters early.

Don't get me wrong-- I don't really think that it's a bad thing, though it's extremely alien to me. Just curious, though, because it seems to take away the parents' special place that is just for them, and I think that it would be very tough.