Family Bed - How Old is Too Old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying this to sound judgemental but how do you have any intimacy with your husband when you co sleep with children that old?

both my children sleep with us, no problem with intimacy. We have a spare room, a couch and lots of floor space. Sex in the bed would be boring after what we have done for intimacy. As far as what is too old, I think your children will decide when it is time. I love having my children in bed with us. (age 3 and 6) It is very bonding for everyone. And as one poster stated, not uncommon in other cultures. There is nothing better than waking up to see my sweet babies asleep, snug as a bug in our bed.

I also love sleeping with my daughter (although I don't do it as often as I would like). She is one. At age 9, they aren't babies anymore . Reminds me of an earlier thread when someone mentioned a woman who is breastfeeding her 8 year old. Both scenarios are unusual to me (esp. bf a big kid), and I can see that this is fostering a sort of dependence on the parents. Not necessarily a bad thing, just *different*. This post made me wonder if we allow society to dictate our lives too much. Why are certain things considered wrong? Who makes that determination? I hadven't read a single post that had a legitimate explanation as to why this is a bad thing. But, I fall into that trap and if it was me, I'd be most concerned about other kids finding out and making the child feel bad.

[Anonymous]

I am poster whose 3 and 6 yr old sleep wtih us. As far as other children making fun of my oldest, they usually tell her that although they do not sleep with parents every night, they wish they did, and love when they do. My child has one friend who is not allowed in her parents bedroom. She asked why my child slept with us, and my child said b/c she liked too, end of conversion. I don't think children are as judgmental as adults. They really don't care and would not think it was a wrong unless someone told them it was. JMO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am poster whose 3 and 6 yr old sleep wtih us. As far as other children making fun of my oldest, they usually tell her that although they do not sleep with parents every night, they wish they did, and love when they do. My child has one friend who is not allowed in her parents bedroom. She asked why my child slept with us, and my child said b/c she liked too, end of conversion. I don't think children are as judgmental as adults. They really don't care and would not think it was a wrong unless someone told them it was. JMO

I wish I were as optimistic. We have 2 who share our bed, aged 5 and 7 (he will be moving out soon, by the way), both boys. I haven't told them not to tell anyone, but I have told them that this is something personal and not something that needs to be proclaimed to the world. It's not that I'm ashamed, but I know that kids do tease, sometimes in very cruel ways. And I know that this teasing could also one day be overheard by adults, and the last thing I need is someone like others who have posted on this board either trying to convince me of the error of my ways, or even worse, talking behind my back saying all sorts of snide and mean spirited things.

[Anonymous]

I don't do a family bed-in fact dd has been in her own room from the beggining ..but that's me. My littlest brother basically slept in my parents room until around 7-8 (can't remember so long ago). It started when he was an infant and got really sick and went from there. He would start the night in his crib and then, when older, his bed but would wind up with them in the middle of the night. He finally just evolved to staying in his own bed at his own pace. I also have friends who do a family bed and their oldest (7) has recently said she wants to sleep in her room and so she is. The four year old stills sleeps with them. I think their rationale was that the child would give signs and so the first one is now out with that theory. I don't know what they would do if the oldest was nine because you are then getting into tween territory and that could be weird psychologically (sp) for the child. Maybe when you feel like your child is starting to seem more like a tweener than little person you start to encourage sleeping in their room and leaving your room open if they want to come in and eventually they will be on their own. I do think something abrupt for a child who has been sleeping with parents for years would be a bad thing so no matter what, it should be gradual.

I also have to add that I am continually amazed at the unhelpful comments and, on the other side of the coin, how many people are becoming more open. For me, I really I laugh at how rigid I used to be-now I think that every family gets to choose what works and also realize that what works for me, doesn't work for other people but if the end result is happy famiily--then great!

[Anonymous]

Technically you probably wouldn't call us co-sleepers but we have an open-bed-policy in our house. Both kids have their own rooms with twin beds. Both start out most nights in their own beds in their own rooms, except when one is sick. 7 yr old boy usually sleeps whole night through in own bed unless sick or husband out of town (I bring both in when I go to bed then mostly because I have always been scared - silly I know - but I like them with me) but up until about 4 or 5 came in our bed most nights. He slowly stopped on his own. Our 4 year old girl comes in to our bed almost every night. We love it. Its great to snuggle, and its a much its easier to wake up a poor-riser. I will be sad the day she stops coming in. Also, sometimes they sleep in the twin bed in each other's rooms too.

I can not imagine any of my children friend's making fun of them for this. I imagine most of them have the same policy with their parents. I am also very certain that even if they don't, they wish they did. I think this is totally normal and, if its not, I do not really care. It works for us and we are all very snugggly and happy and close.

[Anonymous]

I love our son, but really only want to share a bed with my husband. It's hard enough being intimate with a toddler-I take whatever I can get right now If our son felt insecure, scared or was sick, he would be more than welcome to come join us. He sleeps so well on his own, is very easy to put down at night, I doubt we'll be sharing a bed with him. In some cultures, the family bed is a normal practice. To each his own.

[Anonymous]

Just curious (and my apologies if already answered as I did not have time to read this whole thread), but how do you get ANY sleep? My 3 year old has started climbing into bed with us and on day 4 of this I'm about to keel over from the exhaustion. You must be heavy sleepers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious (and my apologies if already answered as I did not have time to read this whole thread), but how do you get ANY sleep? My 3 year old has started climbing into bed with us and on day 4 of this I'm about to keel over from the exhaustion. You must be heavy sleepers?

Another co-sleeper here. Is it the climbing in that disrupts the sleep? I always know when my little guy climbs in, but once he gets settled, I'm back asleep.

[Anonymous]

pp open-bed-policy here...

Since 4 yr old comes in every night (and I am a VERY light sleeper) we have done 2 things: 1.) put a pretty little step stool at the end of the bed for her to use so she doesnt wake us asking to be lifted in, and she climbs in and snuggles right in the middle, and 2.) DH often brings her in when he comes to bed just to be sweet to me and only create one sleep disruption for me.

Now, 1.) does usually wake me unless I have taken cold medicine or an ambien but, its only a brief waking since I know what is going on and I dont need to do anything.

If the unusual happens (these days) and 7 yr old son comes in he wakes me up and asks to get in bed because its usually for a reason (nightmare, sick, etc...) Then I wake fully and am very tired the next day. Bummer for me but good policy for him.

Does that help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love our son, but really only want to share a bed with my husband. It's hard enough being intimate with a toddler-I take whatever I can get right now If our son felt insecure, scared or was sick, he would be more than welcome to come join us. He sleeps so well on his own, is very easy to put down at night, I doubt we'll be sharing a bed with him. In some cultures, the family bed is a normal practice. To each his own.

I'm sorry but you aren't allowed to post on this thread (See, e.g., post of 4/15/07 @ 15:37 (noting that those who do not co-sleep are "specifically not invited to participate")). Move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love our son, but really only want to share a bed with my husband. It's hard enough being intimate with a toddler-I take whatever I can get right now If our son felt insecure, scared or was sick, he would be more than welcome to come join us. He sleeps so well on his own, is very easy to put down at night, I doubt we'll be sharing a bed with him. In some cultures, the family bed is a normal practice. To each his own.

I'm sorry but you aren't allowed to post on this thread (See, e.g., post of 4/15/07 @ 15:37 (noting that those who do not co-sleep are "specifically not invited to participate")). Move along.

Oh no. You're still around? I hope for your sake you are not as unpleasant in real life as you are in this virtual world.

[Anonymous]

Hello. This is more of a question, than a comment. I know this is one of these subjects that gets people fired up. I was wondering from the parents of the older kids that are sleeping in family bed, how does the independance foster itself away from home, such as overnight camps, outdoor ed, etc. My personal experience in seeing the kids that are hugging mom's leg(the little ones) or don't have sleepovers as quickly as other kids it's because they don't have any separation from mom and dad. I guess this was kind of a comment also. I also learn different points of views on this site, and love giving my opinion. Please don't jump on me to hard. Although, I can take it. The great zucchini

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello. This is more of a question, than a comment. I know this is one of these subjects that gets people fired up. I was wondering from the parents of the older kids that are sleeping in family bed, how does the independance foster itself away from home, such as overnight camps, outdoor ed, etc. My personal experience in seeing the kids that are hugging mom's leg(the little ones) or don't have sleepovers as quickly as other kids it's because they don't have any separation from mom and dad. I guess this was kind of a comment also. I also learn different points of views on this site, and love giving my opinion. Please don't jump on me to hard. Although, I can take it. The great zucchini

We co-sleep with our 3 year old. I don't understand why people think that co-sleeping will lead to lack of independence. There are many other ways to foster independence. My son goes to school 5 mornings a week, is very very outgoing, goes up to strangers, etc. Some would agree that having such a strong bond with your child improves independence, and makes your child feel more secure and confident.

Havent' had to deal with the sleep over issue yet, though agree that it may be complicated by the fact that we co-sleep. But I don't think that means my son generally has a independence issue.

BTW, Great Zuchini, saw your show Sunday at the Arlington Drafthouse and had a great time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello. This is more of a question, than a comment. I know this is one of these subjects that gets people fired up. I was wondering from the parents of the older kids that are sleeping in family bed, how does the independance foster itself away from home, such as overnight camps, outdoor ed, etc. My personal experience in seeing the kids that are hugging mom's leg(the little ones) or don't have sleepovers as quickly as other kids it's because they don't have any separation from mom and dad. I guess this was kind of a comment also. I also learn different points of views on this site, and love giving my opinion. Please don't jump on me to hard. Although, I can take it. The great zucchini

DS is 6 and has co-slept all his life yet he loves sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious (and my apologies if already answered as I did not have time to read this whole thread), but how do you get ANY sleep? My 3 year old has started climbing into bed with us and on day 4 of this I'm about to keel over from the exhaustion. You must be heavy sleepers?

mine start in my bed so there is no climbing. I think since we have co slept from the begining, we are all use to it. Everyone sleeps soundly.