What do you make of it when adults refer to their mom or dad as just “Mom” or “Dad”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I think it sounds self-centered and juvenile. Like they are not aware that THEIR mom isn’t “Mom” to everyone they are talking to. My children probably referred to me as “Mom” when talking to other people when she was 2 because to her it was my whole identity. But by the time she was 3 she was aware that most people also have someone they call “Mom,” so she switched to “my mom” when referring to me. I think adults who have never made that switch have some peculiar perspective-taking flaw going on.

And you sound overly judgemental and insufferable. Yikes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s weird too. Do these people also say “Husband got a promotion” Or “Daughter hit a home run in softball last night!” I’m guessing not.

Mom is not just a relationship, it's the name they use when they speak to her. Their mom is their mom, and they also call her mom. My husband is my husband but I call him by his name, not "Husband." My daughter is my daughter but I call her Larla not daughter, etc. Mom, dad, and whatever you call your grandparents are really the only "relationship terms" that serve as name substitutes.

I don't do this, but I think it's strange that so many people are having a strong reaction to hearing it. Do you feel like you're being put in the place of seeing the speaker's mom as your mom before you process the implied "my", and it makes you uncomfortable? I just don't get what is upsetting about it. The point gets across.

Best post on this thread.

Agreed. Who gets worked up about something like this. Now if they called them "Mommy" or "Daddy" I might internally raise an eyebrow, but get annoyed? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of these people! I never would have noticed, but a friend pointed it out once. She said it was funny, but I wonder if I was getting on her nerves. It’s completely unconscious—like someone said, I think I sort of just treat Mom as a name.

Yes by funny she meant strange.

And she's a lousy friend.

[Anonymous]

I just pray that whoever told OP "Dad fell and is in the hospital again" doesn't somehow stumble on this thread to learn that the conversation where they thought they were talking with a friend about something difficult in their life just left OP with the takeaway that this friend is beneath them, narcissistic, juvenile and self-centered. All based on adjective usage.

OP you're not a good person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With your siblings? Don't think anything at all.

Doing this with everyone else? Weird. Really weird. Like there's something stunted about them.

More like there is something stunted about people who spend time perseverating on this long after the conversation has ended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the most petty posts I’ve seen on the family relationship forum in a long time, and that’s saying a lot.

I've been around dcum for awhile and this has been discussed here before. It was petty then, too.

Yeah, I feel like I hit a time machine or someone had resurrected an old thread. I can't believe there are at least two people who care enough to have started a thread on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the most petty posts I’ve seen on the family relationship forum in a long time, and that’s saying a lot.

I've been around dcum for awhile and this has been discussed here before. It was petty then, too.

I have to wonder about people who start threads like this. Do they go about their daily lives looking for DCUM thread fodder. And repeatedly fail to find anything substantive to talk about?

[Anonymous]

Weird

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I think it sounds self-centered and juvenile. Like they are not aware that THEIR mom isn’t “Mom” to everyone they are talking to. My children probably referred to me as “Mom” when talking to other people when she was 2 because to her it was my whole identity. But by the time she was 3 she was aware that most people also have someone they call “Mom,” so she switched to “my mom” when referring to me. I think adults who have never made that switch have some peculiar perspective-taking flaw going on.

If we’re having a lengthy conversation about our parents, I would start out by referring to my mother as “my mom,” but at some point, if I’m speaking at length about her, I’m not going to keep saying “my” because there’s no question who I’m referring to and the conversation is about her, specifically in her capacity as my mother. It’s understood that I don’t think she’s the listener’s mother. It’s just clunky to keep adding unnecessary modifiers. Another example would be if a friend asked where to meet me, I wouldn’t say “at home” because that’s ambiguous. Whose home? But if I was sharing an anecdote, I’d say, “…and when I got home, …” because my friend would understand I was talking about arriving at my own house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I think it sounds self-centered and juvenile. Like they are not aware that THEIR mom isn’t “Mom” to everyone they are talking to. My children probably referred to me as “Mom” when talking to other people when she was 2 because to her it was my whole identity. But by the time she was 3 she was aware that most people also have someone they call “Mom,” so she switched to “my mom” when referring to me. I think adults who have never made that switch have some peculiar perspective-taking flaw going on.

People are giving you a hard time, OP, but I agree with you that this affectation is odd.

What if you had three or four unrelated people in a conversation all referring to “Mom” and “Dad” without any modifiers as to whose mom and dad are beg referred to? Couldn’t that get confusing?

And sure, it’s an observation of a small issue, but it’s perfectly okay to note it and comment on a board like this where people converse about all sorts of topics that other people consider “petty.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I think it sounds self-centered and juvenile. Like they are not aware that THEIR mom isn’t “Mom” to everyone they are talking to. My children probably referred to me as “Mom” when talking to other people when she was 2 because to her it was my whole identity. But by the time she was 3 she was aware that most people also have someone they call “Mom,” so she switched to “my mom” when referring to me. I think adults who have never made that switch have some peculiar perspective-taking flaw going on.

People are giving you a hard time, OP, but I agree with you that this affectation is odd.

What if you had three or four unrelated people in a conversation all referring to “Mom” and “Dad” without any modifiers as to whose mom and dad are beg referred to? Couldn’t that get confusing?

And sure, it’s an observation of a small issue, but it’s perfectly okay to note it and comment on a board like this where people converse about all sorts of topics that other people consider “petty.”

I’ve never witnessed anything like that, but if Person A said, “Mom asked me to come over last night,” surely you wouldn’t wonder if they were talking about your mom? And if Person B replied, “How is Mom doing?” it would be clear that B was asking about A’s mother.

Are you all confused when you take your child to the pediatrician’s office and the nurse says “Mom, you get baby undressed and we’ll check her weight”? Context usually makes it clear who “mom” is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instead of saying “my mom” or “my dad” when they are talking to non-related other adults? I have two friends who do this, and I find it very peculiar. They are women in their 40s and 50s, and then they talk about their dads to me or in a group of friends, they just refer to him as “Dad.” Like, “Dad was late to pick up the kids from school so Steve had to scramble to go get them because I was in a meeting.” Or “Dad fell again and is in the hospital.”

They are flexing that their parents are alive, available, accessible and active. It triggers the dysfunctional orphans!!

[Anonymous]

My husband (MY husband) says I do this when talking to him about my parents and it bothers him. I don't realize I do it, don't mean imply my mom is THEE Mom or HIS mom. What a heavy conversational burden for him to bear.

Outside the (supposed) comfort of my marriage I thought I had more effective use of possessives but now I'm spiraling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I think it sounds self-centered and juvenile. Like they are not aware that THEIR mom isn’t “Mom” to everyone they are talking to. My children probably referred to me as “Mom” when talking to other people when she was 2 because to her it was my whole identity. But by the time she was 3 she was aware that most people also have someone they call “Mom,” so she switched to “my mom” when referring to me. I think adults who have never made that switch have some peculiar perspective-taking flaw going on.

Agreed. Mostly I hear women from the South talking about “Daddy.” As in, “Daddy bought me a new car because he didn’t want me driving a five year old car—eww!”

[Anonymous]

I’m with you, OP. I find it annoying and self-centered.