Intellectually Pretentious DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I missed where you said what you were doing about this?

DS was like this when he was younger (3-5). He was precocious as well and an only child at the time so he received constant praise from us and other adults.

It was cute, until he started school and was known to correct teachers and get frustrated when classmates “took too long” to respond. We had to have a talk (or many) discussing how it wasn’t his place to lead the classroom, how it wasn’t the “Larlo show”, and that other children, and people in general, process information in different ways and different rates and that doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else.

We also had to inform him that he wouldn’t always necessarily be the brightest kid in class and as with most things in life being ahead of the pack requires consistency and work. He’s chilled out considerably since then but those were some obnoxious years and yes, nobody likes a know-it-all.

Another one who most certainly wasn’t cute. What could he have possibly corrected the teacher about in preschool? Plus you have no idea who is the brightest in the class.

[Anonymous]

Is she bragging to you at home? Most kids have figured out by that age not to rub it in their peers faces. But she can be proud of herself. We try to emphasize not comparing. Wonderful to get a great score, doesn’t really matter what anyone else did. And yes it’s fun to be smart but working hard and being kind is actually more important.

Correcting adults is hard. Some adults get a huge kick out of it and praise my kid when she does this or whips out a fact that seems above her pay grade. So it’s hard to really be as firm as I would like. We have had so many conversations over the years about stopping and thinking “is this necessary “ before we talk…it’s a work in progress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty direct so would tell her “Larla- it isn’t polite to brag. It is rude and can hurt people’s feelings. Eventually, it will make people dislike you. You are 7 now and really need to work on this” . You could also add some relatable examples- surely there is something she is not good at (struggled to learn to swim or ride a bike maybe). Ask her how she would feel if a friend bragged obnoxiously about that while she was struggling- and also remind that everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

And then remind every time. “Larla- remember? It isn’t polite to brag”

If that seems harsh….well, best to fix it now before it starts hurting her socially. I’d argue it is best for her- and the kind thing to do- to nip this in the bud now. People like this are so incredibly obnoxious and difficult to be around.

+1. Self inflicted wound.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I missed where you said what you were doing about this?

DS was like this when he was younger (3-5). He was precocious as well and an only child at the time so he received constant praise from us and other adults.

It was cute, until he started school and was known to correct teachers and get frustrated when classmates “took too long” to respond. We had to have a talk (or many) discussing how it wasn’t his place to lead the classroom, how it wasn’t the “Larlo show”, and that other children, and people in general, process information in different ways and different rates and that doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else.

We also had to inform him that he wouldn’t always necessarily be the brightest kid in class and as with most things in life being ahead of the pack requires consistency and work. He’s chilled out considerably since then but those were some obnoxious years and yes, nobody likes a know-it-all.

Yes. A lot of only children certainly earn the negative stereotype, in my experience - if you have an only child, you need to work extra hard on this issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid who showed slightly less abrasive/more socially aware inclinations like this ended up in AAP, and it was a good thing for her. She probably IS finishing her work before anyone else and is bored…being in a smaller group of more academic peers where she’s actually challenged may be what she ultimately needs

At this point, however, you should talk to her about social cues and humility and practice some fake conversations

I was always first finished. That did not equal me being the most intelligent kid in the class. The perfectionists would take their time and probably the best students took their time.
There is no correlation between finishing first and being the most intelligent.

Same with reading. My tiny little three year old niece picked up reading all at once. She could read anything. We would ask her to read the New York Times because it looked so funny. It’s unusual but not unheard of. By high school it didn’t matter that she’d been reading fluently since three years old. Everyone read in high school.

I do think it can be the parents who are telling anyone who will listen how their child is the smartest one, etc etc. The kid hears it and it’s her reality.

[Anonymous]

I would let her know nobody likes somebody who brags OR fishes for compliments. I would hand her a dictionary and tell her to look up the word humility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I missed where you said what you were doing about this?

DS was like this when he was younger (3-5). He was precocious as well and an only child at the time so he received constant praise from us and other adults.

It was cute, until he started school and was known to correct teachers and get frustrated when classmates “took too long” to respond. We had to have a talk (or many) discussing how it wasn’t his place to lead the classroom, how it wasn’t the “Larlo show”, and that other children, and people in general, process information in different ways and different rates and that doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else.

We also had to inform him that he wouldn’t always necessarily be the brightest kid in class and as with most things in life being ahead of the pack requires consistency and work. He’s chilled out considerably since then but those were some obnoxious years and yes, nobody likes a know-it-all.

Another one who most certainly wasn’t cute. What could he have possibly corrected the teacher about in preschool? Plus you have no idea who is the brightest in the class.

Another anonymous blowhard

? Seriously is there a notice somewhere in kindergarten stating who the brightest kid is in the class? Because a lot of parents seem to have this information. And I’m looking for an example of correcting a teacher. Is it when the teacher misspeaks the kid has to comment? I can’t figure that one out.

The kid probably corrects the teacher about science, something niche. Absolutely irrelevant. OP- just correct your kid's behavior in the moment, as if it were any other socially undesirable behavior or any other type of bad manner.

[Anonymous]

I was a bit like this but I did learn it doesn’t help with making friends and stopped doing it.
It’s hard to be smart in the world of average people, but as time went by I learned smarts aren’t everything.

[Anonymous]

My son is dyslexic and as a result is often the last in his class to complete his assignments. Perhaps you should tell your daughter the same thing I've told my son: it doesn't matter who finishes their test first. Finishing first doesn't make you smarter, it just means you finished first. Then you can read her the Tortoise and the Hare.

[Anonymous]

"Larla, if you must convince others that you're smart, you might not be that smart."

[Anonymous]

I think you should have her point out what other kids at school are good at - and not just academically. Also you might be doing her a disservice by focusing on her "brilliance." We don't mention intelligence to our children, even though they're smart, because we want to foster a growth mindset.

[Anonymous]

In second grade, my husband's teacher told my MIL that he was intellectually disabled because he was so slow. He actually had a learning disability. He made 600k last year working at a FAANG. I'm saying this just to brag a little, like OP. Also to point out that there are lots of ways to be smart, and sometimes they aren't that obvious in a second grade classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should have her point out what other kids at school are good at - and not just academically. Also you might be doing her a disservice by focusing on her "brilliance." We don't mention intelligence to our children, even though they're smart, because we want to foster a growth mindset.

Thank you and the other posters for all the good ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In second grade, my husband's teacher told my MIL that he was intellectually disabled because he was so slow. He actually had a learning disability. He made 600k last year working at a FAANG. I'm saying this just to brag a little, like OP. Also to point out that there are lots of ways to be smart, and sometimes they aren't that obvious in a second grade classroom.

Big deal

DP. It actually is a big deal. A lot of you parent to have bragging rights over the wholly insignificant “accomplishments” of a 10 year old, instead of having any perspective about what matters on a more permanent basis. Good on that woman’s DH and MIL. He probably learned resilience and perseverance more than any snotty, impossible to be around braggart and the parents who have tolerated it because it’s “cute.” IJS.

some people are VERY defensive here.

the fact is that intelligence is on a spectrum. one type of intelligence is fast processing speed and high working memory. kids who finish their school work first and are able to read complex texts are likely high in these aspects of IQ compared to their classmates. The girl is only 7 and she notices this. Just like we would not castigate a child who noticed they were slower, it’s nasty to castigate a 7 year old for noticing she is indeed faster.

in addition kids vary in motivation. some have high IQs but don’t care about doing what the teacher wants (my kid!). Others are perceptive about what the assignment is and want to do it correctly. again this is a relative strength that the girl is noticing.

there’s something odd about a parent seeing this as “intellectually pretentious” as opposed to a young child noticing their differences. Yes some of the statements come off as rude and should be corrected. but overall the child should be supported and encouraged through appropriate challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I missed where you said what you were doing about this?

DS was like this when he was younger (3-5). He was precocious as well and an only child at the time so he received constant praise from us and other adults.

It was cute, until he started school and was known to correct teachers and get frustrated when classmates “took too long” to respond. We had to have a talk (or many) discussing how it wasn’t his place to lead the classroom, how it wasn’t the “Larlo show”, and that other children, and people in general, process information in different ways and different rates and that doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else.

We also had to inform him that he wouldn’t always necessarily be the brightest kid in class and as with most things in life being ahead of the pack requires consistency and work. He’s chilled out considerably since then but those were some obnoxious years and yes, nobody likes a know-it-all.

Another one who most certainly wasn’t cute. What could he have possibly corrected the teacher about in preschool? Plus you have no idea who is the brightest in the class.

Another anonymous blowhard

? Seriously is there a notice somewhere in kindergarten stating who the brightest kid is in the class? Because a lot of parents seem to have this information. And I’m looking for an example of correcting a teacher. Is it when the teacher misspeaks the kid has to comment? I can’t figure that one out.

I mean, the teacher will tell you. One teacher told us they were getting in new material because they had never had a child as advanced as ours in reading. It actually doesn’t change how you handle it. Bragging is no good and there’s lots to life besides being smart. If I could wave a magic wand to trade 10 IQ points to make my kids life easier in other ways I’d do it.