Intellectually Pretentious DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be worried that she’s a PITA.

Op here. She's cute. But even I find it obnoxious sometimes. How can she learn to turn this off?

She’s cute to you, not so much to people unrelated to her. How did it begin? And they don’t list grades on the board, it’s not law school. How would she know she got the second highest grade. Also, why would she even have a copy of Macbeth? I think she’s trying to impress you and probably starting to lie to impress you. Think about how you might have encouraged it.

Why are you immediately assuming OP or her daughter are liars? When I was in elementary school, one of my teachers announced who got the top three highest scores after every test.

Op here, I'm concerned that she is overly focused on this. In her case, she actually asks the teacher how she ranked, and the teacher often tells her. I don't want to get too involved, she has to make her own mistakes in life just like I did.

I was looking for advice on redirecting her and helping her be more likable to others. Thank you to the posters who gave me good advice and food for thought.

Yep, she seems to be missing social cues. But even socially savvy kids need lessons in manners.

How does she respond when you correct her?

Just correct her behavior every time. She'll get it hopefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has to learn that there are different and equally important ways of being intelligent. And you can start pointing out and praising those other ways to her. Emotional intelligence is one of them. And she has to understand that some kids are more academic while other kids have different ways of excelling. Praise her for other ways of being excellent, and especially praise her for effort, not just because she’s lucky and schoolwork comes easy to her.

why gaslight her though? I guess I don’t have any issues with talking about different kinds of important characteristics. but as conventionally defined she does in fact sound more intelligent than her classmates. it seems psychologically damaging to want to put her in her place and not encourage her to achieve.

Who's saying to lie to her?

I can't follow your line of thinking, that teaching social skills and manners is "putting her in her place."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First I’ll admit that I didn’t read any responses. Second, this is a textbook case of your DD communicating that she is not being appropriately challenged in her current academic environment. When she says she wonders why it takes everyone else so long, that’s exactly what she means. To her, her processing speed and retention are normal. She is too young to understand that we all have different brains. I recommend you look for ways to accelerate her academically as well as incorporate social emotional learning to help her navigate the social aspect.

No she is not too young for this. Average kids can understand this by kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I appreciate the advice, but I don't appreciate the personal attacks. Obviously I am trying to improve the situation, and insulting me or insinuating that my 7 year old daughter is the most obnoxious kid in the world isn't helpful.

You are being far too reactive. We are offering sound advice because YOU asked for it. Can you objectively read your original post and NOT see how obnoxious that is? She is still young and this can be corrected. Sometimes hearing what you re asking for can be difficult but we are speaking based upon what you laid out.

I don't think anyone said she is the most obnoxious kid in the world, unless I missed that. Did not read over the entire thread.

Please consider that I posted this thread because I DO realize it is obnoxious. Read the thread, plenty of posters predicting her doom and discussing how awful she must be.

I'm not presenting her as perfect, and she's seven, and she has a long way to grow in social and emotional maturity. A little grace would be nice.

OP, seriously, ignore the posters being rude. Your daughter sounds normal. This isn’t a big deal, this is gentle correction to teach her not to brag. It would be the same if she were bragging about how many goals she scored or that she went to Italy over winter vacation. She definitely doesn’t sound more obnoxious than 7 year olds generally.

Don’t ever downplay her intelligence or her abilities, though. She SHOULD be proud of doing well in school—she just doesn’t need to put others down or compare them to herself. Again, that’s a natural thing for kids (humans!) to do, and it’s a minor thing to try to correct.

+1 NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know they’re trolling but I can’t believe how vitriolic some of the responses have been to a post from someone striving to be a thoughtful parent to a smart 7 year old girl. OP is a goos mother and I have no doubt she’ll help her daughter relate better to her peers. I guess now we know why Hillary lost, though. Internalized misogyny is a hell of a drug.

DCUM hates when someone’s child sounds smarter than theirs. Regardless of what the post is asking

+1 DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First I’ll admit that I didn’t read any responses. Second, this is a textbook case of your DD communicating that she is not being appropriately challenged in her current academic environment. When she says she wonders why it takes everyone else so long, that’s exactly what she means. To her, her processing speed and retention are normal. She is too young to understand that we all have different brains. I recommend you look for ways to accelerate her academically as well as incorporate social emotional learning to help her navigate the social aspect.

No she is not too young for this. Average kids can understand this by kindergarten.

+1. She’s not 2! She’s 7 FFS. Of course this should be obvious by 7. You make it sound like rain man is the baseline for normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know they’re trolling but I can’t believe how vitriolic some of the responses have been to a post from someone striving to be a thoughtful parent to a smart 7 year old girl. OP is a goos mother and I have no doubt she’ll help her daughter relate better to her peers. I guess now we know why Hillary lost, though. Internalized misogyny is a hell of a drug.

DCUM hates when someone’s child sounds smarter than theirs. Regardless of what the post is asking

+1 DP

Yes. We all wish we could author a post about how our child is missing social skills where the examples we provide make moms wonder if our child has autism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First I’ll admit that I didn’t read any responses. Second, this is a textbook case of your DD communicating that she is not being appropriately challenged in her current academic environment. When she says she wonders why it takes everyone else so long, that’s exactly what she means. To her, her processing speed and retention are normal. She is too young to understand that we all have different brains. I recommend you look for ways to accelerate her academically as well as incorporate social emotional learning to help her navigate the social aspect.

First you didn’t read anyone’s opinions but know that it’s “textbook” that she’s not being challenged because she finishes first. We don’t know what she finishes first on or is it by a minute? An hour? Finishing first tells us nothing about a kid.

Then she said she got the second highest test. The teacher doesn’t share everyone’s score so it’s probably a lot of little lies. Maybe she’s insecure.

Then she said “I’m reading Macbeth”, an old story about a serial killer.

Based on what the mother wrote, so vague with no details who knows? She might be a top student or she may not be.

There’s nothing textbook about this. The mother needs to talk to the teacher and see what’s up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know they’re trolling but I can’t believe how vitriolic some of the responses have been to a post from someone striving to be a thoughtful parent to a smart 7 year old girl. OP is a goos mother and I have no doubt she’ll help her daughter relate better to her peers. I guess now we know why Hillary lost, though. Internalized misogyny is a hell of a drug.

DCUM hates when someone’s child sounds smarter than theirs. Regardless of what the post is asking

+1 DP

I don’t care if they’re all smarter than me. It’s a weird story with useless details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First I’ll admit that I didn’t read any responses. Second, this is a textbook case of your DD communicating that she is not being appropriately challenged in her current academic environment. When she says she wonders why it takes everyone else so long, that’s exactly what she means. To her, her processing speed and retention are normal. She is too young to understand that we all have different brains. I recommend you look for ways to accelerate her academically as well as incorporate social emotional learning to help her navigate the social aspect.

This answer is way off the mark. Do you have kids (older than 3)??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First I’ll admit that I didn’t read any responses. Second, this is a textbook case of your DD communicating that she is not being appropriately challenged in her current academic environment. When she says she wonders why it takes everyone else so long, that’s exactly what she means. To her, her processing speed and retention are normal. She is too young to understand that we all have different brains. I recommend you look for ways to accelerate her academically as well as incorporate social emotional learning to help her navigate the social aspect.

This answer is way off the mark. Do you have kids (older than 3)??

No it isn’t. I’m not the PP and I agree. She needs to be in a classroom where some of the kids as smart AND smarter than her.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has a friend like this - I think everyone had a friend like this when they were that age, honestly - and she's sweet and fun and yes, the brags can be annoying at times, but all the kids just ignore it and the parents know that she'll grow out of it! Don't worry too much, OP, and ignore the mean responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you should have titled this “7 year old daughter brags too much, what to do”. This is not about whether she is smart, not smart, not as smart as she thinks, not as smart as you think, etc. This is all about kids who boast too much. If she was particularly skilled at an I instrument, or singing, or stunningly beautiful, I think we can agree that she shouldn’t boast about it.

Kids in elementary do not like kids who boast too much. Neither do adults. Whether or not it’s justified. For her social well being, it’s best to correct this behavior.

Op.
That's a good point, but I don't find her bragging about other things, it's really just the smartness.

I have tried to talk to her about this issue several times, but I don't want to "knock her down", I want to redirect her. Thanks to all the pps who gave really helpful suggestions.
Grateful for the insight and ideas from this thread. It was very helpful overall.

Pp. Yes, absolutely. Some of the advice given earlier has been great regarding that. And since she is bragging only about her intelligence, I would tread lightly, as you have been doing. She has decided that being smart is her identity, and I would try to diversify that. Just as we don’t define our kids as “Larla the gymnast” or “Larlo the pianist”.

“I always finish my work the first in the class. I don't know why it takes everyone else so long!"

Reply - I’m proud of how hard you work. Let’s remember that everyone works at their own pace and being happy with your work is more important than finishing fast.

"Did you know I got the second highest score in math?"

Reply - Wow, you studied very hard, congratulations! What was the most challenging part of the test?

"I am reading Macbeth"

Reply - Great honey, what do you like about the story?

"You spelled that incorrectly."
This, I would spend more time correcting. There are ways to call attention to mistakes that are polite and agreeable. And most kids at age 7 understand that it is not polite to correct adults in a blunt manner.

I think you have to be thoughtful about gender as well. Society is more forgiving of boastful boys than girls, and you have to separate any sense of injustice from your perception of how you would like a child of yours to behave, whatever the gender. In general, whether a child is gifted in math, skiing, joke telling, or the ukulele, we want them to be the types of kids that build other kids up, not bring them down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First I’ll admit that I didn’t read any responses. Second, this is a textbook case of your DD communicating that she is not being appropriately challenged in her current academic environment. When she says she wonders why it takes everyone else so long, that’s exactly what she means. To her, her processing speed and retention are normal. She is too young to understand that we all have different brains. I recommend you look for ways to accelerate her academically as well as incorporate social emotional learning to help her navigate the social aspect.

This answer is way off the mark. Do you have kids (older than 3)??

No it isn’t. I’m not the PP and I agree. She needs to be in a classroom where some of the kids as smart AND smarter than her.

+100. Textbook case of why Harvard should accept 3 year olds and 7 year olds. OP- Have her apply right now. She may be able to get in RD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has a friend like this - I think everyone had a friend like this when they were that age, honestly - and she's sweet and fun and yes, the brags can be annoying at times, but all the kids just ignore it and the parents know that she'll grow out of it! Don't worry too much, OP, and ignore the mean responses.

She won't grow out of it unless her parents teach her. My son has a 6th grade classmate who is still like this.