Husband decided to keep kids home today without talking to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband does not like childcare and apparently has good reason. You need to start with that, seems like you are blowing it off.

He can quit his job and become a SAHD if he feels so strongly about the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is a pattern of him constantly keeping kids home without discussing it with me and telling the kids first. Any sniffle, cough etc he wants them home. He then expects me to not do my job and watch them and play fast and loose with WFH (when I only transitioned to WFH under extreme pressure from him). He thinks WFH means I should play fast and loose with my workday, that it’s fine for me to not be working during core business hours or picking kids up early every day because I WFH. I’m not comfortable with that. This is not just one day but a pattern of him expecting me to do this.

So work from the office going forward.

But you both need to cover sick kids. And he doesn’t need your permission to keep a sick kid home for godsakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH, sending sick kid to daycare, how horrible for all.

He’s not sick. He has a runny nose. We kept him out a day last week for it. I took those days off. Sending him today would mean basically him being there for 5 hours with the late arrival. He will play inside. DH meanwhile is dragging him sledding now. I’ve missed many days of work staying home with him and taking him to the doctor, and DH never does those appointments.

Op, you are one walking inconsistency. If DH is taking child sledding, how are you responsible for childcare? Isn’t DH the one watching the kid?!?

[Anonymous]

I always made that kind of decision without consulting my spouse. I mean it’s just childcare. It’s not important. I would not however expect my spouse to do childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH, sending sick kid to daycare, how horrible for all.

He’s not sick. He has a runny nose. We kept him out a day last week for it. I took those days off. Sending him today would mean basically him being there for 5 hours with the late arrival. He will play inside. DH meanwhile is dragging him sledding now. I’ve missed many days of work staying home with him and taking him to the doctor, and DH never does those appointments.

Op, you are one walking inconsistency. If DH is taking child sledding, how are you responsible for childcare? Isn’t DH the one watching the kid?!?

+1 OP is leaving out relevant information. OP also said the younger child "had a small cold and was home yesterday." Now we're told the child was sick last week too. I'm assuming the husband stayed home with the child yesterday.

[Anonymous]

This thread is hilarious. About a year ago I (48 yo male) posted on here about my wife keeping the kids home without consulting me and the forum reaction was stop being a controlling husband. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is hilarious. About a year ago I (48 yo male) posted on here about my wife keeping the kids home without consulting me and the forum reaction was stop being a controlling husband. LOL.

I'm pretty sure most of us are against OP in this thread too. OP's DH is probably also partly at fault, but OP is not helping her case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is hilarious. About a year ago I (48 yo male) posted on here about my wife keeping the kids home without consulting me and the forum reaction was stop being a controlling husband. LOL.

I'm pretty sure most of us are against OP in this thread too. OP's DH is probably also partly at fault, but OP is not helping her case.

He was the OP.

[Anonymous]

This is not normal. Has he gotten worse over time? Because mine got worse over time and also yelled at me and said things that aren’t meant for children to hear.

Decide if you want to keep living this way.

[Anonymous]

My wife has done the following without discussing with me:

1. Sent our daughter to swim school. She hated it and now has a fear of water. Last summer I took her to the pool myself and taught her how to swim but it was very very very hard.

2. Signed her up for dancing school when we already agreed we would not put her into anything else due to her busy schedule already (she plays guitar and plays lacrosse).

3. She signed her up for a two hour math course on the weekends. This recks our entire weekend now because it's mid Saturday.

This is just a small insight. Welcome to the club OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife has done the following without discussing with me:

1. Sent our daughter to swim school. She hated it and now has a fear of water. Last summer I took her to the pool myself and taught her how to swim but it was very very very hard.

2. Signed her up for dancing school when we already agreed we would not put her into anything else due to her busy schedule already (she plays guitar and plays lacrosse).

3. She signed her up for a two hour math course on the weekends. This recks our entire weekend now because it's mid Saturday.

This is just a small insight. Welcome to the club OP.

Oh boy, why does everything need to be a group decision? I don’t know how parenting can work if you all don’t trust the judgement of your spouse??

I rarely ask my DH for his opinion on such matters, but then again I’m reasonable and never want to over burden or over schedule family members.

Why are you married to someone who is so fundamentally different than you?

[Anonymous]

This is one of those threads where I would love to hear the DH's side.

OP keeps complaining about all the childcare she needs to do today because -gasp- her husband didn't cancel one remaining meeting this afternoon. Meanwhile her DH has taken their preschool and ES age kids out for errands and then pivoted to take them sledding. Sounds like a pretty great dad making the best of a WFH snow day.

His stomping and slamming doors and yelling in front of the kids is obviously not acceptable, but I suspect it was in response to OP escalating things first.

[Anonymous]

The DH took the kid out this morning and is taking the kid out again now? Seems like he’s the one watching the kid all day. Is the only issue the one meeting that you need to cover him for this afternoon? If so then yes I think it’s fair that he kept the kids home. Daycare sucks and he’s doing the bulk of the childcare. You probably spent more time on DCUM today than he expects you to look after the child (your own child).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am increasingly feeling like my DH of 10 years has become more controlling and is emotionally and verbally abusive since we have had kids. An example would be this morning, the kids were both supposed to go to school but MoCo called a snow day. Elder child could go to the aftercare program that is open all day. Younger child who had a small cold and was home yesterday could go to preschool that opened at 10. DH decides they are staying home without discussing the decision with me, when I wanted to send them both in. (We both WFH but he hates child care because of bad experiences he had as a kid of a single mom who was always in care so he constantly wants to minimize the hours they are in care, even if it impacts our working hours.)

I get upset at him because he tells the kids they are staying home without even talking to me. I explain I have a lot of work to do that I’m behind on and he yells at me, slams a door, tells me I am being a baby because we all have work to do and when the kids stay home he is the one watching them anyway, and that I’m not a team player because my Excel spreadsheet is more important than my family, etc. Does all this in front of our kids. When I ask him when his meetings are today so I can cover for him, he refuses to answer. He storms around the house angrily, is now not speaking to me, and just loaded the kids up in the car for an errand and is refusing to talk to me.

This isn’t normal, right? Are there husbands out there who would discuss the childcare decision of the day with their wife and not unilaterally make a decision without taking their partner’s opinion into consideration? It’s not normal to yell, slam doors, and fight in front of kids, right? I’m not a bad mom for wanting to be a responsible employee, and do my job, and use the child care I pay for, right?

And yes, I have asked him for years to do therapy (he says either the problem is me and I need to go alone and that will fix our problems or he says he will go but not if I lie the whole time about our relationship and force him to defend himself to a therapist).

Is there a chance you are what people call "hight maintenance"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those threads where I would love to hear the DH's side.

OP keeps complaining about all the childcare she needs to do today because -gasp- her husband didn't cancel one remaining meeting this afternoon. Meanwhile her DH has taken their preschool and ES age kids out for errands and then pivoted to take them sledding. Sounds like a pretty great dad making the best of a WFH snow day.

His stomping and slamming doors and yelling in front of the kids is obviously not acceptable, but I suspect it was in response to OP escalating things first.

Agree! I feel like he’s a good Dad too!