Husband decided to keep kids home today without talking to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is a pattern of him constantly keeping kids home without discussing it with me and telling the kids first. Any sniffle, cough etc he wants them home. He then expects me to not do my job and watch them and play fast and loose with WFH (when I only transitioned to WFH under extreme pressure from him). He thinks WFH means I should play fast and loose with my workday, that it’s fine for me to not be working during core business hours or picking kids up early every day because I WFH. I’m not comfortable with that. This is not just one day but a pattern of him expecting me to do this.

This is the issue. He wants you to act like a SAHP when you are not one. This is the core issue and what you two need to address.

This goes back to his childhood and his resentment of the situation/his mom seems to be playing out now. I think therapy is needed, probably individual for him and marital.

I would not put your job at risk, OP. Transition back to the office if need be. If this marriage does not last you need to be able to support yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Husband! I can’t believe you wanted to send a (mildly) sick child to daycare on a day when schools are closed for extremely low wind chills. That’s just cruel. What kind of person would do that to a child?

Lol extremely low wind chills. You DCUMers are such pansies when it comes to winter weather. This isn’t Saudi Arabia where a snow storm is a total freak event. This is the mid Atlantic and we get weather like this every year, multiple times a year. So buy a decent parka and some snow tires, because history has shown you over and over again that winter is coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Husband! I can’t believe you wanted to send a (mildly) sick child to daycare on a day when schools are closed for extremely low wind chills. That’s just cruel. What kind of person would do that to a child?

Lol extremely low wind chills. You DCUMers are such pansies when it comes to winter weather. This isn’t Saudi Arabia where a snow storm is a total freak event. This is the mid Atlantic and we get weather like this every year, multiple times a year. So buy a decent parka and some snow tires, because history has shown you over and over again that winter is coming.

DC gets snow but you overstate the amount. Did we have any snow days last year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Husband! I can’t believe you wanted to send a (mildly) sick child to daycare on a day when schools are closed for extremely low wind chills. That’s just cruel. What kind of person would do that to a child?

Lol extremely low wind chills. You DCUMers are such pansies when it comes to winter weather. This isn’t Saudi Arabia where a snow storm is a total freak event. This is the mid Atlantic and we get weather like this every year, multiple times a year. So buy a decent parka and some snow tires, because history has shown you over and over again that winter is coming.

DC gets snow but you overstate the amount. Did we have any snow days last year?

Nah, but we get snow most years. And the cold spares no year. So you all need to toughen the eff up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Husband! I can’t believe you wanted to send a (mildly) sick child to daycare on a day when schools are closed for extremely low wind chills. That’s just cruel. What kind of person would do that to a child?

Lol extremely low wind chills. You DCUMers are such pansies when it comes to winter weather. This isn’t Saudi Arabia where a snow storm is a total freak event. This is the mid Atlantic and we get weather like this every year, multiple times a year. So buy a decent parka and some snow tires, because history has shown you over and over again that winter is coming.

DC gets snow but you overstate the amount. Did we have any snow days last year?

Nah, but we get snow most years. And the cold spares no year. So you all need to toughen the eff up.

People say that we get snow most years but this week has reminded me that there are many years we don’t. (And last year was pretty warm).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Husband! I can’t believe you wanted to send a (mildly) sick child to daycare on a day when schools are closed for extremely low wind chills. That’s just cruel. What kind of person would do that to a child?

Lol extremely low wind chills. You DCUMers are such pansies when it comes to winter weather. This isn’t Saudi Arabia where a snow storm is a total freak event. This is the mid Atlantic and we get weather like this every year, multiple times a year. So buy a decent parka and some snow tires, because history has shown you over and over again that winter is coming.

DC gets snow but you overstate the amount. Did we have any snow days last year?

Nah, but we get snow most years. And the cold spares no year. So you all need to toughen the eff up.

People say that we get snow most years but this week has reminded me that there are many years we don’t. (And last year was pretty warm).

I’m just suggesting that this problem would be solved if you’d invest in a proper winter jacket and show a little grit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Husband! I can’t believe you wanted to send a (mildly) sick child to daycare on a day when schools are closed for extremely low wind chills. That’s just cruel. What kind of person would do that to a child?

Lol extremely low wind chills. You DCUMers are such pansies when it comes to winter weather. This isn’t Saudi Arabia where a snow storm is a total freak event. This is the mid Atlantic and we get weather like this every year, multiple times a year. So buy a decent parka and some snow tires, because history has shown you over and over again that winter is coming.

DC gets snow but you overstate the amount. Did we have any snow days last year?

Nah, but we get snow most years. And the cold spares no year. So you all need to toughen the eff up.

Nah- I LOVE a good snow day. I don’t equate enjoying a snow day with moral character. Pjs and pancakes and sledding and cocoa and netflix-bring it on! Even when I’m cleaning the entry way 15x a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Husband! I can’t believe you wanted to send a (mildly) sick child to daycare on a day when schools are closed for extremely low wind chills. That’s just cruel. What kind of person would do that to a child?

Lol extremely low wind chills. You DCUMers are such pansies when it comes to winter weather. This isn’t Saudi Arabia where a snow storm is a total freak event. This is the mid Atlantic and we get weather like this every year, multiple times a year. So buy a decent parka and some snow tires, because history has shown you over and over again that winter is coming.

DC gets snow but you overstate the amount. Did we have any snow days last year?

Nah, but we get snow most years. And the cold spares no year. So you all need to toughen the eff up.

People say that we get snow most years but this week has reminded me that there are many years we don’t. (And last year was pretty warm).

I’m just suggesting that this problem would be solved if you’d invest in a proper winter jacket and show a little grit.

I’m not actually complaining. I’m just reminding you that you are factually wrong. Helps your argument when you get the facts right particularly if you are going to add snark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am increasingly feeling like my DH of 10 years has become more controlling and is emotionally and verbally abusive since we have had kids. An example would be this morning, the kids were both supposed to go to school but MoCo called a snow day. Elder child could go to the aftercare program that is open all day. Younger child who had a small cold and was home yesterday could go to preschool that opened at 10. DH decides they are staying home without discussing the decision with me, when I wanted to send them both in. (We both WFH but he hates child care because of bad experiences he had as a kid of a single mom who was always in care so he constantly wants to minimize the hours they are in care, even if it impacts our working hours.)

I get upset at him because he tells the kids they are staying home without even talking to me. I explain I have a lot of work to do that I’m behind on and he yells at me, slams a door, tells me I am being a baby because we all have work to do and when the kids stay home he is the one watching them anyway, and that I’m not a team player because my Excel spreadsheet is more important than my family, etc. Does all this in front of our kids. When I ask him when his meetings are today so I can cover for him, he refuses to answer. He storms around the house angrily, is now not speaking to me, and just loaded the kids up in the car for an errand and is refusing to talk to me.

This isn’t normal, right? Are there husbands out there who would discuss the childcare decision of the day with their wife and not unilaterally make a decision without taking their partner’s opinion into consideration? It’s not normal to yell, slam doors, and fight in front of kids, right? I’m not a bad mom for wanting to be a responsible employee, and do my job, and use the child care I pay for, right?

And yes, I have asked him for years to do therapy (he says either the problem is me and I need to go alone and that will fix our problems or he says he will go but not if I lie the whole time about our relationship and force him to defend himself to a therapist).

Is it possible that you are becoming increasingly controlling and dismissive of what he or kids need or want?

I was wondering the same.