Husband decided to keep kids home today without talking to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is a pattern of him constantly keeping kids home without discussing it with me and telling the kids first. Any sniffle, cough etc he wants them home. He then expects me to not do my job and watch them and play fast and loose with WFH (when I only transitioned to WFH under extreme pressure from him). He thinks WFH means I should play fast and loose with my workday, that it’s fine for me to not be working during core business hours or picking kids up early every day because I WFH. I’m not comfortable with that. This is not just one day but a pattern of him expecting me to do this.

I just posted that your DH is an a$$, and given this info, I think you need to transition back to work in the office, and tell him that you are being required to return to office. He wants you to work full time and be a full time caretaker, which is impossible.

+1000. This doesn’t get to the root problem, but I would transition back to working in the office. Just say you got a new boss and now have to go in X days a week.

[Anonymous]

We each feel free to make decisions about our kids. But if my husband decided to keep both kids home it'd be because he has a light day at work and can keep them quiet so I can work since I didn't clear my schedule for this.

[Anonymous]

Team Husband! I can’t believe you wanted to send a (mildly) sick child to daycare on a day when schools are closed for extremely low wind chills. That’s just cruel. What kind of person would do that to a child?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the children are pawns in OP's game of control.

[Anonymous]

Team DH, sending sick kid to daycare, how horrible for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team DH, sending sick kid to daycare, how horrible for all.

He’s not sick. He has a runny nose. We kept him out a day last week for it. I took those days off. Sending him today would mean basically him being there for 5 hours with the late arrival. He will play inside. DH meanwhile is dragging him sledding now. I’ve missed many days of work staying home with him and taking him to the doctor, and DH never does those appointments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Husband! I can’t believe you wanted to send a (mildly) sick child to daycare on a day when schools are closed for extremely low wind chills. That’s just cruel. What kind of person would do that to a child?

Did you miss the part where op’s dh expects to continue his work day as planned and have op be responsible for watching the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is a pattern of him constantly keeping kids home without discussing it with me and telling the kids first. Any sniffle, cough etc he wants them home. He then expects me to not do my job and watch them and play fast and loose with WFH (when I only transitioned to WFH under extreme pressure from him). He thinks WFH means I should play fast and loose with my workday, that it’s fine for me to not be working during core business hours or picking kids up early every day because I WFH. I’m not comfortable with that. This is not just one day but a pattern of him expecting me to do this.

I just posted that your DH is an a$$, and given this info, I think you need to transition back to work in the office, and tell him that you are being required to return to office. He wants you to work full time and be a full time caretaker, which is impossible.

This seems like a solution. Tell DH boss is requiring you to be back in the office. He can keep kids home whenever he wants but will have to deal with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He didn’t take the day off. He cancelled one meeting but has another one this afternoon. He will expect me to jump in on childcare the moment he gets back and will tell me how much time I got to work (a whopping 2 hours) because of all he did this morning and how I don’t get to complain because he “gave me time.” He acts like I am a bad person for wanting to send the kids to care when I took time off last week for sick kids and to accommodate his work travel and late arrival at school.

How do you know this? I thought you said that, when you asked him what his meeting schedule was, he huffed and puffed and didn’t give you an answer and left without speaking to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He didn’t take the day off. He cancelled one meeting but has another one this afternoon. He will expect me to jump in on childcare the moment he gets back and will tell me how much time I got to work (a whopping 2 hours) because of all he did this morning and how I don’t get to complain because he “gave me time.” He acts like I am a bad person for wanting to send the kids to care when I took time off last week for sick kids and to accommodate his work travel and late arrival at school.

How do you know this? I thought you said that, when you asked him what his meeting schedule was, he huffed and puffed and didn’t give you an answer and left without speaking to you?

I can see his Outlook calendar.

[Anonymous]

Your husband made the right call. Both of you are responsible for your children today, not just your husband because he made the obvious decision to keep the kids home when it's a snow day and one is sick.

[Anonymous]

He's projecting his mommy issues onto you and it isn't okay.

Therapy in which he deals with his issues and you learn better communication as a couple or divorce

[Anonymous]

I make these decisions all the time without discussing it with my husband.


The difference is I don’t need him to watch them. But if he said he’s going to watch them, what’s the big deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Husband! I can’t believe you wanted to send a (mildly) sick child to daycare on a day when schools are closed for extremely low wind chills. That’s just cruel. What kind of person would do that to a child?

Did you miss the part where op’s dh expects to continue his work day as planned and have op be responsible for watching the kids?

No, I didn’t. Husband sucking and wife sucking aren’t mutually exclusive. Mommy Dearest is so busy worrying about Hubbie interfering with her career and making decisions without her that she doesn’t think to care about an innocent preschooler with a runny nose being forced to go to school when logical, clear headed officials canceled classes to keep kids warm and at home. At least dad is kinda thinking about the innocent kid. She is a terrible mom. Why do people like this bother having children? I just don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am increasingly feeling like my DH of 10 years has become more controlling and is emotionally and verbally abusive since we have had kids. An example would be this morning, the kids were both supposed to go to school but MoCo called a snow day. Elder child could go to the aftercare program that is open all day. Younger child who had a small cold and was home yesterday could go to preschool that opened at 10. DH decides they are staying home without discussing the decision with me, when I wanted to send them both in. (We both WFH but he hates child care because of bad experiences he had as a kid of a single mom who was always in care so he constantly wants to minimize the hours they are in care, even if it impacts our working hours.)

I get upset at him because he tells the kids they are staying home without even talking to me. I explain I have a lot of work to do that I’m behind on and he yells at me, slams a door, tells me I am being a baby because we all have work to do and when the kids stay home he is the one watching them anyway, and that I’m not a team player because my Excel spreadsheet is more important than my family, etc. Does all this in front of our kids. When I ask him when his meetings are today so I can cover for him, he refuses to answer. He storms around the house angrily, is now not speaking to me, and just loaded the kids up in the car for an errand and is refusing to talk to me.

This isn’t normal, right? Are there husbands out there who would discuss the childcare decision of the day with their wife and not unilaterally make a decision without taking their partner’s opinion into consideration? It’s not normal to yell, slam doors, and fight in front of kids, right? I’m not a bad mom for wanting to be a responsible employee, and do my job, and use the child care I pay for, right?

And yes, I have asked him for years to do therapy (he says either the problem is me and I need to go alone and that will fix our problems or he says he will go but not if I lie the whole time about our relationship and force him to defend himself to a therapist).

Not normal.

I do love a spreadsheet more than my kids sometimes. But don't tell my DH that. I love the sheets more than him most days (just kidding - trying to lightening what seems like a tense situation).