Behavior in DD's school/grade

[Anonymous]

My DD had a similar experience last year. We moved her to a private school. It isn't perfect but the kids are better behaved & I can tell the other parents are heavily involved in their kids lives.

[Anonymous]

Teacher here: most kids lack good families to raise them…this is the result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are kids that bore the brunt of covid school closures.

My youngest was in K in spring 2020. He doesn't act like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here: most kids lack good families to raise them…this is the result.

So are millennial/Gen-X parents just really poor parents compared to their boomer parents? Is that really what it comes down to? I just don't recall my friends parents being super-involved in the 80s either, there were lots of latchkey kids. But the vast majority weren't going apesh-t at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you just get stuck with a really bad cohort and the terrible thing is that it lasts for six years in elementary school. Third grade in my school is particularly bad too. I definitely think it’s some lingering Covid effects.

I don’t buy Covid excuses. These third graders have been in school for over 2 years now

But the 3rd graders missed out on K, where the majority of behavioral expectations are set. They likely didn’t learn much in K either, so 1st and 2nd were a lot of catch up work. If you consider that they missed K, and then 1st was a bunch of makeup work and basic expectation setting for kids who hadn’t been in a group setting in many months … they’re probably still dealing with some after effects and will continue to do so.

Not covid’s fault. There are just a lot of terrible parents. Any child with half decent parents could show up to school at any point and not swear, wait their turn, follow simple directions, not be destructive. This has nothing to do with Covid and everything to do with parenting.

I think it's a mix of several things. Screens are a totally different ballgame compared to when we were kids. They're so used to the instant gratification and dopamine kick from the screen time that they can't handle anything real. We don't even have a Wii or anything at home but DC is always asking to play the games he learned at school (e.g., Prodigy, ClassDojo). We only let him play for an hour or so on the weekend but I know when he goes to friends' houses they play stuff there too. Even our aftercare has a Wii now. So yeah I guess you could say it's poor parenting that kids have all this screen time but boy is it a constant battle, and it sure doesn't help when they use them so much in school too.

There was also a study a ways back about common food additives causing really crazy behaviors in mice. The EU banned some of the additives after that, the US did nothing. There's no way all this ultraprocessed food is not affecting our bodies in a detrimental way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here: most kids lack good families to raise them…this is the result.

So are millennial/Gen-X parents just really poor parents compared to their boomer parents? Is that really what it comes down to? I just don't recall my friends parents being super-involved in the 80s either, there were lots of latchkey kids. But the vast majority weren't going apesh-t at school.

This is what I don't get. My parents were SUPER lax in the 80s. They didn't teach me manners, they hardly taught me anything. We had a "go outside and play and come home when it gets dark" upbringing. I feel like I learned manners sort of through osmosis at school? Also there were strict expectations at school -- you had to say please and thank you, you couldn't talk back, if you fought with other kids, you'd get in trouble. Not corporal punishment but like detention or sent to the principal. We didn't want those things so we complied.

I think one reason my parents did so little parenting is that we got it at school. I remember being taught to tie my shoes and brush my teeth in preschool. My parents definitely didn't teach me those things. My parents were so lax that stuff the schools didn't teach me (like swimming and riding a bike), I simply didn't learn. But I have good manners. Though not with my parents! I used to talk back to my parents so much! Never to teachers, but my parents were so lax I could say anything to them and never really got in trouble. Or sometimes I'd get in trouble but only after they said worse things to me than I said them, so I didn't learn anything. Again, I learned it at school.

Not saying millennial/Gen X parents don't have issues with parenting. But I can tell you I spend way more time actually parenting than my parents did. I've tought my kid all kinds of stuff that my parents never discussed with me, including stuff like polite manners, keeping hands to yourself, walking away from conflicts rather than engaging, being respectful to teachers and other minders, etc. Also practical things like how to brush teeth or tie shoes. Schools don't teach this stuff anymore, not even the expensive private preschool I sent my kid to for ages 3 and 4. Schools want kids to show up with this knowledge. They also expected my kid to show up with basic literacy skills for K, so I taught that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here: most kids lack good families to raise them…this is the result.

So are millennial/Gen-X parents just really poor parents compared to their boomer parents? Is that really what it comes down to? I just don't recall my friends parents being super-involved in the 80s either, there were lots of latchkey kids. But the vast majority weren't going apesh-t at school.

Read The Collapse of Parenting and see if any of it reads true to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here: most kids lack good families to raise them…this is the result.

So are millennial/Gen-X parents just really poor parents compared to their boomer parents? Is that really what it comes down to? I just don't recall my friends parents being super-involved in the 80s either, there were lots of latchkey kids. But the vast majority weren't going apesh-t at school.

This is what I don't get. My parents were SUPER lax in the 80s. They didn't teach me manners, they hardly taught me anything. We had a "go outside and play and come home when it gets dark" upbringing. I feel like I learned manners sort of through osmosis at school? Also there were strict expectations at school -- you had to say please and thank you, you couldn't talk back, if you fought with other kids, you'd get in trouble. Not corporal punishment but like detention or sent to the principal. We didn't want those things so we complied.

I think one reason my parents did so little parenting is that we got it at school. I remember being taught to tie my shoes and brush my teeth in preschool. My parents definitely didn't teach me those things. My parents were so lax that stuff the schools didn't teach me (like swimming and riding a bike), I simply didn't learn. But I have good manners. Though not with my parents! I used to talk back to my parents so much! Never to teachers, but my parents were so lax I could say anything to them and never really got in trouble. Or sometimes I'd get in trouble but only after they said worse things to me than I said them, so I didn't learn anything. Again, I learned it at school.

Not saying millennial/Gen X parents don't have issues with parenting. But I can tell you I spend way more time actually parenting than my parents did. I've tought my kid all kinds of stuff that my parents never discussed with me, including stuff like polite manners, keeping hands to yourself, walking away from conflicts rather than engaging, being respectful to teachers and other minders, etc. Also practical things like how to brush teeth or tie shoes. Schools don't teach this stuff anymore, not even the expensive private preschool I sent my kid to for ages 3 and 4. Schools want kids to show up with this knowledge. They also expected my kid to show up with basic literacy skills for K, so I taught that too.

Not the PP, but I definitely think the shifting expectations at school has not helped. In the 80s we all went to half day kindergarten and spent most of the day playing, not sitting. Those who complain about kids not being able to sit still should take a step back and ask how we got here rather than just blame it on parents. Maybe kindergarten and 1st grade shouldn’t be so intense to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll say that I have been a teacher a long time and I am now drowning. The level of dysregulation, aggression, impatience, and argumentativeness is greater than I’ve seen before.

What is going on? Would an IEP ever spell out parent obligations (e.g., parent called to pick up kid after a meltdown/dysregulation disrupts the classroom more than x times?).

I also see, sadly, that adults in general society seem to behave this way more as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here: most kids lack good families to raise them…this is the result.

So are millennial/Gen-X parents just really poor parents compared to their boomer parents? Is that really what it comes down to? I just don't recall my friends parents being super-involved in the 80s either, there were lots of latchkey kids. But the vast majority weren't going apesh-t at school.

This is what I don't get. My parents were SUPER lax in the 80s. They didn't teach me manners, they hardly taught me anything. We had a "go outside and play and come home when it gets dark" upbringing. I feel like I learned manners sort of through osmosis at school? Also there were strict expectations at school -- you had to say please and thank you, you couldn't talk back, if you fought with other kids, you'd get in trouble. Not corporal punishment but like detention or sent to the principal. We didn't want those things so we complied.

I think one reason my parents did so little parenting is that we got it at school. I remember being taught to tie my shoes and brush my teeth in preschool. My parents definitely didn't teach me those things. My parents were so lax that stuff the schools didn't teach me (like swimming and riding a bike), I simply didn't learn. But I have good manners. Though not with my parents! I used to talk back to my parents so much! Never to teachers, but my parents were so lax I could say anything to them and never really got in trouble. Or sometimes I'd get in trouble but only after they said worse things to me than I said them, so I didn't learn anything. Again, I learned it at school.

Not saying millennial/Gen X parents don't have issues with parenting. But I can tell you I spend way more time actually parenting than my parents did. I've tought my kid all kinds of stuff that my parents never discussed with me, including stuff like polite manners, keeping hands to yourself, walking away from conflicts rather than engaging, being respectful to teachers and other minders, etc. Also practical things like how to brush teeth or tie shoes. Schools don't teach this stuff anymore, not even the expensive private preschool I sent my kid to for ages 3 and 4. Schools want kids to show up with this knowledge. They also expected my kid to show up with basic literacy skills for K, so I taught that too.

OP here. This is interesting because I'd consider myself a better parent than my parents. They weren't bad, just not super emotionally aware people and parented by yelling. LOTS of yelling.

Most of my DD's friends are well behaved and have involved parents. It's the kids I don't really know that are the behavior kids and I don't really know what their parents are like to know how they parent. I guess I just assume it's the opposite of how I parent for their kid to act the way they do. But that may be over simplifying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here: most kids lack good families to raise them…this is the result.

So are millennial/Gen-X parents just really poor parents compared to their boomer parents? Is that really what it comes down to? I just don't recall my friends parents being super-involved in the 80s either, there were lots of latchkey kids. But the vast majority weren't going apesh-t at school.

We aren't worse than Boomers were, it's just that the impacts of where we go wrong really show up in the school environment. Authoritarian parenting works great for classroom control, permissive parenting is terrible for it.

I started having kids before the "gentle Parenting" thing and really try to be authoritative, but I have had problems with how my parenting translates to the classroom. For instance, I have no problem with my kids pushing back against something I say if they do it respectfully. But that doesn't work in the classroom! I had to explain to my kids that even if they think the teacher is being unfair they cannot push back against what the teacher says, regardless of how respectfully they do it.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. This is not normal. I would do anything to get my child out of that environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic school. Kids that mouth off are sent to the principal for insubordination. This can only happen so many times before they are asked to leave.

Do their knuckles get rapped too?

Aren't you cute! They don't need to do that anymore because what they are doing works. But keep wondering why your school doesn't have basic respect for others and manners. It's a real mystery isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you just get stuck with a really bad cohort and the terrible thing is that it lasts for six years in elementary school. Third grade in my school is particularly bad too. I definitely think it’s some lingering Covid effects.

I don’t buy Covid excuses. These third graders have been in school for over 2 years now

But the 3rd graders missed out on K, where the majority of behavioral expectations are set. They likely didn’t learn much in K either, so 1st and 2nd were a lot of catch up work. If you consider that they missed K, and then 1st was a bunch of makeup work and basic expectation setting for kids who hadn’t been in a group setting in many months … they’re probably still dealing with some after effects and will continue to do so.

Not covid’s fault. There are just a lot of terrible parents. Any child with half decent parents could show up to school at any point and not swear, wait their turn, follow simple directions, not be destructive. This has nothing to do with Covid and everything to do with parenting.

I think it's a mix of several things. Screens are a totally different ballgame compared to when we were kids. They're so used to the instant gratification and dopamine kick from the screen time that they can't handle anything real. We don't even have a Wii or anything at home but DC is always asking to play the games he learned at school (e.g., Prodigy, ClassDojo). We only let him play for an hour or so on the weekend but I know when he goes to friends' houses they play stuff there too. Even our aftercare has a Wii now. So yeah I guess you could say it's poor parenting that kids have all this screen time but boy is it a constant battle, and it sure doesn't help when they use them so much in school too.

There was also a study a ways back about common food additives causing really crazy behaviors in mice. The EU banned some of the additives after that, the US did nothing. There's no way all this ultraprocessed food is not affecting our bodies in a detrimental way.

Yes I think you nailed it.

[Anonymous]

This is why we pay for private. Of course not every kid is well behaved but with only 14/15 in the classroom it makes a big difference