Twins and Birthday Party invites

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

I don’t have twins but I have two boys close in age. When the boys were younger, I would decline if both kids weren’t invite and Dh was busy. It caused too much drama with a kid getting upset if I took him to drop off the other kid. This was when they were 6 and under.

If Dh was available, we would try to plan something for the other kid. If it was too much trouble, we just declined the invitation. In the early days, good friends would invite both boys. Classmate parties happened less frequently.

After first grade, my kids had clear friends and we would never bring a kid to another one’s party unless specifically invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

Sigh is right. So weird that you feel the need to argue this. Of course there is something unique about twins in that they live together and are almost always in the same grade. Of course people throwing parties should consider other unique sibling or other arrangements that would likely result in hurt feelings. “Dominate all other considerations?” No one was saying it should but it’s dumb and callous to say that it should not be considered.

My kids are 2 years apart in age. I never ask to bring the younger sibling. They know they can’t go to everything. How is this somehow different for twins?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

Sigh is right. So weird that you feel the need to argue this. Of course there is something unique about twins in that they live together and are almost always in the same grade. Of course people throwing parties should consider other unique sibling or other arrangements that would likely result in hurt feelings. “Dominate all other considerations?” No one was saying it should but it’s dumb and callous to say that it should not be considered.

My kids are 2 years apart in age. I never ask to bring the younger sibling. They know they can’t go to everything. How is this somehow different for twins?

Yup, I never ask to bring older/younger siblings either (and my third is also 2.5 years older). They have different classes, different friends, different expectations. I would never bring the younger ones because it would be a hassle for the hosts, and never bring the older one because she would have no interest. Not a big deal. But for my 5 year old twins, with lots of overlap between classes/recess, it is opening a can of worms at this age and basically not worth it to go if just one is invited. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

Sigh is right. So weird that you feel the need to argue this. Of course there is something unique about twins in that they live together and are almost always in the same grade. Of course people throwing parties should consider other unique sibling or other arrangements that would likely result in hurt feelings. “Dominate all other considerations?” No one was saying it should but it’s dumb and callous to say that it should not be considered.

My kids are 2 years apart in age. I never ask to bring the younger sibling. They know they can’t go to everything. How is this somehow different for twins?

It’s different for twins because the reason your younger child isn’t invited to parties your older one is is because she isn’t that age, isn’t on the soccer team with them, doesn’t play with them at recess or see them on the bus. There’s no connection there. With twins, sometimes both twins have connections to the birthday child and it comes down to the birthday child liking one better. Adults can intellectually understand some friendships are a better match or fit. Kindergartners just feel like Larla likes my sister and doesn’t like me, so I must be unlikeable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

Sigh is right. So weird that you feel the need to argue this. Of course there is something unique about twins in that they live together and are almost always in the same grade. Of course people throwing parties should consider other unique sibling or other arrangements that would likely result in hurt feelings. “Dominate all other considerations?” No one was saying it should but it’s dumb and callous to say that it should not be considered.

My kids are 2 years apart in age. I never ask to bring the younger sibling. They know they can’t go to everything. How is this somehow different for twins?

It’s different for twins because the reason your younger child isn’t invited to parties your older one is is because she isn’t that age, isn’t on the soccer team with them, doesn’t play with them at recess or see them on the bus. There’s no connection there. With twins, sometimes both twins have connections to the birthday child and it comes down to the birthday child liking one better. Adults can intellectually understand some friendships are a better match or fit. Kindergartners just feel like Larla likes my sister and doesn’t like me, so I must be unlikeable.

That said, in OP’s case, if it was clear it was just a party for twin A’s class, she should not have added twin B. That said, in K-2 (and really even later), most parents explicitly reached out to invite both my twins even if their kid didn’t know my other one.

[Anonymous]

I would've included both in the invite, particularly for same-sex twins. However I agree it's rude for a parent to include an uninvited sibling. Was it clear the invite was only for one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

Sigh is right. So weird that you feel the need to argue this. Of course there is something unique about twins in that they live together and are almost always in the same grade. Of course people throwing parties should consider other unique sibling or other arrangements that would likely result in hurt feelings. “Dominate all other considerations?” No one was saying it should but it’s dumb and callous to say that it should not be considered.

My kids are 2 years apart in age. I never ask to bring the younger sibling. They know they can’t go to everything. How is this somehow different for twins?

It’s different for twins because the reason your younger child isn’t invited to parties your older one is is because she isn’t that age, isn’t on the soccer team with them, doesn’t play with them at recess or see them on the bus. There’s no connection there. With twins, sometimes both twins have connections to the birthday child and it comes down to the birthday child liking one better. Adults can intellectually understand some friendships are a better match or fit. Kindergartners just feel like Larla likes my sister and doesn’t like me, so I must be unlikeable.

+100. Thank for articulating this so well. It’s a shame that non-twin parents are chalking this up to rudeness or parental entitlement. I don’t know why this is so difficult to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has a birthday party coming up. We did an all class invite. One of her classmates is a twin. Twin is in another class and was not invited.My daughter is not really close to either twin but wanted to invite the whole class. She knows of the twin and occasionally they interact at recess. Their parent RSVP’d that both girls would be attending. Is this reasonable?

I always invited the other twin in elementary school. It’s one kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

Sigh is right. So weird that you feel the need to argue this. Of course there is something unique about twins in that they live together and are almost always in the same grade. Of course people throwing parties should consider other unique sibling or other arrangements that would likely result in hurt feelings. “Dominate all other considerations?” No one was saying it should but it’s dumb and callous to say that it should not be considered.

My kids are 2 years apart in age. I never ask to bring the younger sibling. They know they can’t go to everything. How is this somehow different for twins?

It’s different for twins because the reason your younger child isn’t invited to parties your older one is is because she isn’t that age, isn’t on the soccer team with them, doesn’t play with them at recess or see them on the bus. There’s no connection there. With twins, sometimes both twins have connections to the birthday child and it comes down to the birthday child liking one better. Adults can intellectually understand some friendships are a better match or fit. Kindergartners just feel like Larla likes my sister and doesn’t like me, so I must be unlikeable.

+100. Thank for articulating this so well. It’s a shame that non-twin parents are chalking this up to rudeness or parental entitlement. I don’t know why this is so difficult to understand.

Again, you are assuming that this magical connection your twins have with each other extends to the birthday child (of course they must know each other and play together at recess) and doesn’t apply to any other family arrangements. Families have kids close in age. Kids are different ages but play on the same rec team etc. So only twins need to have their hurt feelings protected but no one else?

This thread is so fascinating to me because the entitled twin parents really don’t see how off base they are!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

Sigh is right. So weird that you feel the need to argue this. Of course there is something unique about twins in that they live together and are almost always in the same grade. Of course people throwing parties should consider other unique sibling or other arrangements that would likely result in hurt feelings. “Dominate all other considerations?” No one was saying it should but it’s dumb and callous to say that it should not be considered.

My kids are 2 years apart in age. I never ask to bring the younger sibling. They know they can’t go to everything. How is this somehow different for twins?

It’s different for twins because the reason your younger child isn’t invited to parties your older one is is because she isn’t that age, isn’t on the soccer team with them, doesn’t play with them at recess or see them on the bus. There’s no connection there. With twins, sometimes both twins have connections to the birthday child and it comes down to the birthday child liking one better. Adults can intellectually understand some friendships are a better match or fit. Kindergartners just feel like Larla likes my sister and doesn’t like me, so I must be unlikeable.

+100. Thank for articulating this so well. It’s a shame that non-twin parents are chalking this up to rudeness or parental entitlement. I don’t know why this is so difficult to understand.

Again, you are assuming that this magical connection your twins have with each other extends to the birthday child (of course they must know each other and play together at recess) and doesn’t apply to any other family arrangements. Families have kids close in age. Kids are different ages but play on the same rec team etc. So only twins need to have their hurt feelings protected but no one else?

This thread is so fascinating to me because the entitled twin parents really don’t see how off base they are!!

Lol. Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

Sigh is right. So weird that you feel the need to argue this. Of course there is something unique about twins in that they live together and are almost always in the same grade. Of course people throwing parties should consider other unique sibling or other arrangements that would likely result in hurt feelings. “Dominate all other considerations?” No one was saying it should but it’s dumb and callous to say that it should not be considered.

My kids are 2 years apart in age. I never ask to bring the younger sibling. They know they can’t go to everything. How is this somehow different for twins?

I’m a twin mom who bends over backwards to make sure people aren’t inconvenienced when it comes to my twins. I never assume they’re both invited and would never ask if both could come to an event. I don’t decline an invitation just because they aren’t both invited. I also have brought just the twin in the birthday child’s class, only to have the parents ask where other twin is. If my twins both attend a birthday party, they each give a separate gift to the birthday child. When I throw a birthday party for my twins, I send out 3 different versions of the invitations: children who are friends/classmates of Twin A only get an invitation mentioning Twin A’s birthday; children who are friends/classmates of Twin B receive an invitation that only mentions Twin B’s birthday; children who are friends with both twins and who always include both of my twins on their invitations receive an invitation from us that mentions both twins’ birthday. I do this specifically so that parents don’t feel obligated to buy gifts for both twins unless their child really is friends with both.

Having said all that, it’s absurd that you can’t understand the difference between sibling sets who are the same age vs different ages. Your kid who is 1-2 years older or younger isn’t a peer or classmate to their sibling’s friends. Twins are part of the same peer group. Some of Twin B’s current classmates were Twin A’s classmates last year and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

Sigh is right. So weird that you feel the need to argue this. Of course there is something unique about twins in that they live together and are almost always in the same grade. Of course people throwing parties should consider other unique sibling or other arrangements that would likely result in hurt feelings. “Dominate all other considerations?” No one was saying it should but it’s dumb and callous to say that it should not be considered.

My kids are 2 years apart in age. I never ask to bring the younger sibling. They know they can’t go to everything. How is this somehow different for twins?

I’m a twin mom who bends over backwards to make sure people aren’t inconvenienced when it comes to my twins. I never assume they’re both invited and would never ask if both could come to an event. I don’t decline an invitation just because they aren’t both invited. I also have brought just the twin in the birthday child’s class, only to have the parents ask where other twin is. If my twins both attend a birthday party, they each give a separate gift to the birthday child. When I throw a birthday party for my twins, I send out 3 different versions of the invitations: children who are friends/classmates of Twin A only get an invitation mentioning Twin A’s birthday; children who are friends/classmates of Twin B receive an invitation that only mentions Twin B’s birthday; children who are friends with both twins and who always include both of my twins on their invitations receive an invitation from us that mentions both twins’ birthday. I do this specifically so that parents don’t feel obligated to buy gifts for both twins unless their child really is friends with both.

Having said all that, it’s absurd that you can’t understand the difference between sibling sets who are the same age vs different ages. Your kid who is 1-2 years older or younger isn’t a peer or classmate to their sibling’s friends. Twins are part of the same peer group. Some of Twin B’s current classmates were Twin A’s classmates last year and vice versa.

Of course we understand that this is a dynamic, but no different from the many other dynamics at play when you do invitations to parties. Should I invite all the girls on the soccer team even though I’m only friends with 3 of them? Should I invite neighbor A and not neighbor B? Do I need to invite Neighbor A and her sister? Friend A has a stepsister the same age who lives with them- do I invite her too?

My point is only that twin parents think their twins deserve special consideration over all others, for their own reasons which have nothing to do with a relationship with the birthday child. And they continue to be blind to this entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

Sigh is right. So weird that you feel the need to argue this. Of course there is something unique about twins in that they live together and are almost always in the same grade. Of course people throwing parties should consider other unique sibling or other arrangements that would likely result in hurt feelings. “Dominate all other considerations?” No one was saying it should but it’s dumb and callous to say that it should not be considered.

My kids are 2 years apart in age. I never ask to bring the younger sibling. They know they can’t go to everything. How is this somehow different for twins?

It’s different for twins because the reason your younger child isn’t invited to parties your older one is is because she isn’t that age, isn’t on the soccer team with them, doesn’t play with them at recess or see them on the bus. There’s no connection there. With twins, sometimes both twins have connections to the birthday child and it comes down to the birthday child liking one better. Adults can intellectually understand some friendships are a better match or fit. Kindergartners just feel like Larla likes my sister and doesn’t like me, so I must be unlikeable.

+100. Thank for articulating this so well. It’s a shame that non-twin parents are chalking this up to rudeness or parental entitlement. I don’t know why this is so difficult to understand.

Again, you are assuming that this magical connection your twins have with each other extends to the birthday child (of course they must know each other and play together at recess) and doesn’t apply to any other family arrangements. Families have kids close in age. Kids are different ages but play on the same rec team etc. So only twins need to have their hurt feelings protected but no one else?

This thread is so fascinating to me because the entitled twin parents really don’t see how off base they are!!

Lol. Troll.

Nope, not a troll, an actual parent who is tired of accommodating entitled twin parents (many are not, of course).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

I don’t have twins but I have two boys close in age. When the boys were younger, I would decline if both kids weren’t invite and Dh was busy. It caused too much drama with a kid getting upset if I took him to drop off the other kid. This was when they were 6 and under.

If Dh was available, we would try to plan something for the other kid. If it was too much trouble, we just declined the invitation. In the early days, good friends would invite both boys. Classmate parties happened less frequently.

After first grade, my kids had clear friends and we would never bring a kid to another one’s party unless specifically invited.

I feel bad for your older child who had to miss out on parties because his younger sibling wasnt invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

I don’t have twins but I have two boys close in age. When the boys were younger, I would decline if both kids weren’t invite and Dh was busy. It caused too much drama with a kid getting upset if I took him to drop off the other kid. This was when they were 6 and under.

If Dh was available, we would try to plan something for the other kid. If it was too much trouble, we just declined the invitation. In the early days, good friends would invite both boys. Classmate parties happened less frequently.

After first grade, my kids had clear friends and we would never bring a kid to another one’s party unless specifically invited.

I feel bad for your older child who had to miss out on parties because his younger sibling wasnt invited.

+1 imo it’s bad parenting. You can’t say no to one child so both children are denied an opportunity.