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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Depends on the age. [/quote]

What age would be the cutoff?[/quote]

I'm a twin dad.  You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade.  By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin.  I'm with triplet mom.  I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.[/quote]

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc). [/quote]

It’s not about parent entitlement.  It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the  same age and will know they are being excluded.  Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to?  I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties).  But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender.  I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.”  I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.  [/quote]

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh. [/quote]

Sigh is right.  So weird that you feel the need to argue this.  Of course there is something unique about twins in that they live together and are almost always in the same grade.  Of course people throwing parties should consider other unique sibling or other arrangements that would likely result in hurt feelings.  “Dominate all other considerations?”  No one was saying it should but it’s dumb and callous to say that it should not be considered.  [/quote]

My kids are 2 years apart in age. I never ask to bring the younger sibling. They know they can’t go to everything. How is this somehow different for twins?[/quote]

It’s different for twins because the reason your younger child isn’t invited to parties your older one is is because she isn’t that age, isn’t on the soccer team with them, doesn’t play with them at recess or see them on the bus. There’s no connection there. With twins, sometimes both twins have connections to the birthday child and it comes down to the birthday child liking one better. Adults can intellectually understand some friendships are a better match or fit. Kindergartners just feel like Larla likes my sister and doesn’t like me, so I must be unlikeable. [/quote]

+100.  Thank for articulating this so well.  It’s a shame that non-twin parents are chalking this up to rudeness or parental entitlement.  I don’t know why this is so difficult to understand. [/quote]

Again, you are assuming that this magical connection your twins have with each other extends to the birthday child (of course they must know each other and play together at recess) and doesn’t apply to any other family arrangements. Families have kids close in age. Kids are different ages but play on the same rec team etc. So only twins need to have their hurt feelings protected but no one else?

This thread is so fascinating to me because the entitled twin parents really don’t see how off base they are!![/quote]

Lol.  Troll. [/quote]

Nope, not a troll, an actual parent who is tired of accommodating entitled twin parents (many are not, of course).[/quote]

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