Twins and Birthday Party invites

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does this apply to playdates, too? My kid wants to have a playdate with the twin in his class, but he also knows the other twin because they were all in camp together. His fave is the one in his class but he'd be happy to have both... I'd probably rather deal with one kid.

Just invite the one kid. Just because siblings are twins doesn't mean they need to be invited to everything together. I started telling my twins (two sets) that they wouldn't be invited everywhere together as they got older, so the first time it happened they understood. Did the one left out cry? Sure, but they got over it and one day they were the one invited and their twin wasn't.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s rude if you invited the one twin by name. If it’s a generic email invite though the mom may not have realized it was only for one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

This. Twins need to individuate, not always be treated as just part of a larger whole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

This. Twins need to individuate, not always be treated as just part of a larger whole.

There are twins in my family where the mom “insists” on identical gifts!! These are early ES age kids.
She doesn’t accept hand me downs (no problem with that of course) but the reason is because we only have one of anything and she “needs” two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is best friends with a twin. We always have asked the other daughter to go when we do stuff, she rarely does.

People who bring siblings (twin or not) are rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the age.

What age would be the cutoff?

I'm a twin dad. You need to invite both up until about 1st grade, maybe 2nd grade. By first grade, they should start to have their own group of friends and should start to understand (or their parents need to teach) that one twin being invited does not include the other twin. I'm with triplet mom. I would never bring my twin or RSVP for both unless both were invited.

I, personally, would extend higher, like about age 8 and grade 2, but after first grade, I would say that the second twin need not be invited.

For the mother who RSVPed for both, if there are limited slots or you are at a venue where additional children cost extra, it is okay to respond that Larla was invited, but siblings are not included.

Curious why you think that parents “need” to invite both twins if the birthday child is only friends with one of them? It’s crazy that some parents of multiples can feel so entitled that they can demand anything from others that are simply outside the bounds of usual social convention.

You can’t demand or state that you “need” an invitation from anyone!! Sure, you can ask, just like parents have asked if the sibling can attend for any number of reasons (child care, single parent, etc).

It’s not about parent entitlement. It’s about being sensitive to little kids who are in the same household and are the same age and will know they are being excluded. Of course this isn’t the case with older kids who are able and need to understand social cues, but can’t you see why this is the kind thing to do if you’re able to? I’ve got twins plus an older kid and would never ask if my older kid could come to a party unless she was specifically invited (nor would she likely want to go to her younger siblings’ friends’ parties). But, like it or not, things are different with twins, especially when they are the same gender. I’d never assume both were invited, but I might ask to clarify if it’s unclear, despite the PP above considering this to be “putting her on the spot.” I have regularly left one sad K twin at home where it wasn’t clear she was invited, only to find that others have brought their older or younger siblings.

There is nothing special about twins that entitles their hurt feelings to be prioritized. Any number of family arrangements can lead to hurt feelings, not just twins. Siblings can be close in age, even if not twins. Siblings have rivalry regardless of gender. But for some reason, twin parents think their twins’ potential hurt feelings dominate all other considerations.

Sure young twins can have hurt feelings if only one is invited. Couldn’t this happen in many other scenarios? Sigh.

Sigh is right. So weird that you feel the need to argue this. Of course there is something unique about twins in that they live together and are almost always in the same grade. Of course people throwing parties should consider other unique sibling or other arrangements that would likely result in hurt feelings. “Dominate all other considerations?” No one was saying it should but it’s dumb and callous to say that it should not be considered.

[Anonymous]

I had this happen. We invited the whole class and the other mom said she could come if her twin could come. I said let me make sure we have room for him, I will get back to you. A week or two before the party, we had room so I told her to bring him. She offered to pay and I said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had this happen. We invited the whole class and the other mom said she could come if her twin could come. I said let me make sure we have room for him, I will get back to you. A week or two before the party, we had room so I told her to bring him. She offered to pay and I said no.

This is so reasonable on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Twin mom was wrong. It’s not as if they’re joined at the hip. They’re individual people.

If it’s at a venue, then I would email back stating that the invitation was only for one child. If it’s at your home, I would roll my eyes but not say anything.

[Anonymous]

Twin mom. I would never ever say the other twin was coming if she wasn't invited. So rude. Both twins don't have to be invited, it honestly just makes it easier for the parent. But we can certainly deal if only one twin gets invited. It's a life lesson. Luckily we go to a small school, where everyone knows everyone and this has never been an issue. I'm sure it will be in middle school.

[Anonymous]

I have twins and I’m perfectly happy to only bring the invited one, but I often can’t tell from the invite which is invited. And if only one name is on the invite, and I show up with the one, more often than not the host says “where’s [other twin]?” It’s hard to get right.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the relationship. If your kid doesn’t know the other twin at all, they are no different than any other sibling.

We used to be neighbors with a set of twin boys and they were a package. We met them as a pair. One twin was nice and the other twin was awful and always made my younger kid cry, was rude, broke things, made a mess. I only wanted to invite the good twin but I couldn’t find the words so we stopped inviting them over instead. The boys were ages 6-7. We ended up moving shortly after.