What To Do When Son's Best Friend Becomes Too Popular?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I apologize... I didn't mean to focus on the friend's appearance. But I do think things like nice clothes and stuff like that are relevant and probably help people accept this boy and overlook his Tourette's. But most importantly, there is something likable about the friend. And I was impressed by his positive attitude about his disability and how he doesn't let it bother him when other kids stare.

Weird

[Anonymous]

My 11yo went on his first overnight last year. The family is our neighbor and we have known them for years, not months.

I would consider letting my child go if we were close friends with the family for YEARS.

If someone like you suggested it on the spot, I may say maybe but it would be a let down. You come off creepy, OP. The kid is not hanging out with your kid when others around. Don’t try to buy this friendship. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Is there seriously popularity in THIRD GRADE?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Tourette’s kid is popular now? This is not real life

I didn't mean that the friend is popular the way a high school homecoming queen is popular. Maybe just that kids are getting used to him and it's no longer cool to make fun of his Tourette's. Back in Sept/October my son was his only friend. Now, that is not true anymore.

"Tourette kid already at a disadvantage at least knows to stay far away from a push over, so he won’t get roped in with the put downs."

Yeah, that could be. The friend is afraid of being too closely associated with my son because some rude kids on the playground put him down. That makes sense-- it just doesn't seem fair since my son was nice to him when other kids thought he was weird and weren't sure what to think of his tics.

WTF? You're upset that children are making fun of your child instead of this other child? You wish they would go back to making fun of the child with Tourette's so they would stop picking on your kid? Is that it??? You have serious problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

"Let this kid go. I know it is a bummer, but you have to face reality.

"

Yes, but this friend who has Tourette’s has been special to our family and it may not be that easy to let him go. I can remember feeling protective towards this boy the first time he sat at our kitchen countertop sipping a glass of orange juice. He looked cute in his preppy clothes and wore a rope bracelet. He told us that when kids stare at him and ask What are you doing he just stares back and asks them, What are you doing and explains that he has this condition called Tourette's.

If my son were sitting in your kitchen sipping orange juice I doubt he would be as likable. He might seem shy, moody or too quiet.

"It’s funny when someone’s pants fall down. There’s nothing wrong with kids laughing at something funny. They weren’t rude, they were human."

Yep, and my sister told me, "You have to admit those Spiderman briefs would be funny to a bunch of 8-year-old boys. They probably outgrew cartoon briefs last year (when they were in Second grade)." Is third grade usually considered the bridge from little boy to older boy?

Same age. Minecraft, Mario bros and spiderman undies but we very recently switched to shorts. I plan to switch to non characters in 6th grade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are too quick to label a kid you knew for a few short months as a best friend.

I have two boys now ages 12 and 14. My older son has been friends with some boys since early elementary. Most of them are very good looking, smart, athletic, confident and the girls have crushes on them. I was afraid they may leave my more nerdy introverted son behind but their group has only grown. My son is also good looking, smart and athletic but he is more reserved and quiet.

8 is young. Friendships shift a lot in upper elementary and then again in middle school and high school.

My 12yo is very social unlike my older son. He is the one who seems to be leaving old friends behind for new ones. I don’t think he is doing it on purpose but he is meeting new people and his old friends aren’t all in his current classes so he sees them less.

I agree with this- avoid the best friend dynamic. I really encourage my son to play with all kinds of kids and find opportunities for him to step outside his group (kids he does sports with) and take opportunities to do things like the robotics fair with a partner who doesn’t run in the same exact group, summer camps with a friend but not someone he’s super close with, a faith based class, my friends kids who are a year younger or older. I see my job as a parent to teach my child social skills and that means being able to build relationships with different kind of people outside of his little bubble. I see too many people get hyper focused on their friends “new best friend” and see how traumatic it is when the kid moves on 6m later. I also don’t want my kids to be so dependent on 2-3 kids and be devastated when class assignments come out. I would stop focusing on this kid and cast your net wider. My son had a few kids he’s very close with and has known since he’s a baby but he gets invited to about 30-40 kids parties a year. He’s not known as one of the “cool” kids but he’s very well liked. . We really focus a lot on kindness, treating everyone equal, being a good friend, etc. I really stress how that’s more important than being “in a group” or “popular”. Ask the teacher to name a few classmates he does well with and you plan something or ask a few moms who are kind and you’re comfortable with even if he’s not mentioned them. 8 is too young to be calling and coordinating themselves. If you’re concerned it might be awkward, plan an outing to the movies, top golf, bowling, etc. Kids are thrilled with any activity. And don’t necessarily write off any kids who you think wouldn’t like him. It might be helpful for him to have some friends who are more outgoing and social.

[Anonymous]

These kids met in September 2023? Calling them "best friends" seems intense. Also, the way you talk about the social engineering aspect of it all is...weird. Invite the friend over if your kid wants to play with him, but otherwise, back off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should invite your he child for a playdate; why wouldn’t you?

Yes, very true! I'm feeling nervous that this boy just isn't as into my son as he was in September. I am considering offering an exciting invitation-- such as a trip to Disneyland with our family.

Wow. I posted above that you sounded a bit weird and that was before I read this. You need to chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should invite your he child for a playdate; why wouldn’t you?

Yes, very true! I'm feeling nervous that this boy just isn't as into my son as he was in September. I am considering offering an exciting invitation-- such as a trip to Disneyland with our family.

WTF. omg. You are weird. Unless you live in Anaheim, that is not an appopriate invite.

Even if you do (I'm from Southern California) - have you seen the prices of tickets these days? I would find it very weird if a family I barely knew invited my kid for a $250 play date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are too quick to label a kid you knew for a few short months as a best friend.

I have two boys now ages 12 and 14. My older son has been friends with some boys since early elementary. Most of them are very good looking, smart, athletic, confident and the girls have crushes on them. I was afraid they may leave my more nerdy introverted son behind but their group has only grown. My son is also good looking, smart and athletic but he is more reserved and quiet.

8 is young. Friendships shift a lot in upper elementary and then again in middle school and high school.

My 12yo is very social unlike my older son. He is the one who seems to be leaving old friends behind for new ones. I don’t think he is doing it on purpose but he is meeting new people and his old friends aren’t all in his current classes so he sees them less.

Thank you for posting! I can understand being afraid that your son's friends might leave him and I'm glad to hear that they didn't. I'm sure your son is good-looking and an awesome kid too. When this friend started coming to our house we thought he was good looking and smart but not sure about confident because he was probably worried that some bully might target him or that everyone in the class wouldn't be nice to him. He seemed curious about learning about this town and curious about the new school which was great. But I did notice that he seems like the sort of kid who could shrug off any teasing (including about his Tourette's) unlike my son who is very sensitive when other kids seem to be laughing at him. I agree that 8 is young but I think he's old enough to understand that my son enjoyed the way they used to hang out after school and is hoping he goes back to acting like a good friend. Also, I think his Mom could explain how he should have nicer friends at school and not be joining the kids who put down other kids on the playground. Am I right?

Lady, you need to stay in your lane. Of course his mom should be telling him he should have nice friends but that doesn't mean he'll be friends with your son!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should invite your he child for a playdate; why wouldn’t you?

Yes, very true! I'm feeling nervous that this boy just isn't as into my son as he was in September. I am considering offering an exciting invitation-- such as a trip to Disneyland with our family.

Unless you live in Anaheim, a trip to Disney is way over the top. Just invite him over to play.

And encourage your son to identify other kids to invite over too.

That’s insane. What family would let you take a kid on vacation when you don’t know them well enough for a play date?

Just have a normal play date at home. If you want to be over the top and you live in NoVa, take them to the Lego play place at Springfield mall.

+1

I have an 8yo and I wouldn't ever let my best friend take her on a trip to Disney without me. Insanity.

I traveled with friends' families (and brought friends along on family trips) at that age, but we had been friends since we were 4-5 and the families knew each other very well. This situation is NOT one of those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should invite your he child for a playdate; why wouldn’t you?

Yes, very true! I'm feeling nervous that this boy just isn't as into my son as he was in September. I am considering offering an exciting invitation-- such as a trip to Disneyland with our family.

Unless you live in Anaheim, a trip to Disney is way over the top. Just invite him over to play.

And encourage your son to identify other kids to invite over too.

That’s insane. What family would let you take a kid on vacation when you don’t know them well enough for a play date?

Just have a normal play date at home. If you want to be over the top and you live in NoVa, take them to the Lego play place at Springfield mall.

+1

I have an 8yo and I wouldn't ever let my best friend take her on a trip to Disney without me. Insanity.

I think OP is probably an Angeleno. Going to Disney for a SoCal parent is like a DMV parent offering to take DA and friend to the Air&Space Museum. It’s just a day thing.

Um, no it's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

"Let this kid go. I know it is a bummer, but you have to face reality.

"

Yes, but this friend who has Tourette’s has been special to our family and it may not be that easy to let him go. I can remember feeling protective towards this boy the first time he sat at our kitchen countertop sipping a glass of orange juice. He looked cute in his preppy clothes and wore a rope bracelet. He told us that when kids stare at him and ask What are you doing he just stares back and asks them, What are you doing and explains that he has this condition called Tourette's.

If my son were sitting in your kitchen sipping orange juice I doubt he would be as likable. He might seem shy, moody or too quiet.

"It’s funny when someone’s pants fall down. There’s nothing wrong with kids laughing at something funny. They weren’t rude, they were human."

Yep, and my sister told me, "You have to admit those Spiderman briefs would be funny to a bunch of 8-year-old boys. They probably outgrew cartoon briefs last year (when they were in Second grade)." Is third grade usually considered the bridge from little boy to older boy?

Bravo, ChatGPT. Bravo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are too quick to label a kid you knew for a few short months as a best friend.

I have two boys now ages 12 and 14. My older son has been friends with some boys since early elementary. Most of them are very good looking, smart, athletic, confident and the girls have crushes on them. I was afraid they may leave my more nerdy introverted son behind but their group has only grown. My son is also good looking, smart and athletic but he is more reserved and quiet.

8 is young. Friendships shift a lot in upper elementary and then again in middle school and high school.

My 12yo is very social unlike my older son. He is the one who seems to be leaving old friends behind for new ones. I don’t think he is doing it on purpose but he is meeting new people and his old friends aren’t all in his current classes so he sees them less.

Thank you for posting! I can understand being afraid that your son's friends might leave him and I'm glad to hear that they didn't. I'm sure your son is good-looking and an awesome kid too. When this friend started coming to our house we thought he was good looking and smart but not sure about confident because he was probably worried that some bully might target him or that everyone in the class wouldn't be nice to him. He seemed curious about learning about this town and curious about the new school which was great. But I did notice that he seems like the sort of kid who could shrug off any teasing (including about his Tourette's) unlike my son who is very sensitive when other kids seem to be laughing at him. I agree that 8 is young but I think he's old enough to understand that my son enjoyed the way they used to hang out after school and is hoping he goes back to acting like a good friend. Also, I think his Mom could explain how he should have nicer friends at school and not be joining the kids who put down other kids on the playground. Am I right?

Lady, you need to stay in your lane. Of course his mom should be telling him he should have nice friends but that doesn't mean he'll be friends with your son!

+1 OP with each post you sound creepier and creepier. The other kid and his mom probably picked up on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should invite your he child for a playdate; why wouldn’t you?

Yes, very true! I'm feeling nervous that this boy just isn't as into my son as he was in September. I am considering offering an exciting invitation-- such as a trip to Disneyland with our family.

The kid will go on trip with you all and then come back and nothing will change except you will be more upset

This. If the kid doesn't like your kid, a fancy trip isn't going to help.