Reply to What To Do When Son's Best Friend Becomes Too Popular?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are too quick to label a kid you knew for a few short months as a best friend.

I have two boys now ages 12 and 14. My older son has been friends with some boys since early elementary. Most of them are very good looking, smart, athletic, confident and the girls have crushes on them. I was afraid they may leave my more nerdy introverted son behind but their group has only grown. My son is also good looking, smart and athletic but he is more reserved and quiet.

8 is young. Friendships shift a lot in upper elementary and then again in middle school and high school.

My 12yo is very social unlike my older son. He is the one who seems to be leaving old friends behind for new ones. I don’t think he is doing it on purpose but he is meeting new people and his old friends aren’t all in his current classes so he sees them less.[/quote]

I agree with this- avoid the best friend dynamic. I really encourage my son to play with all kinds of kids and find opportunities for him to step outside his group (kids he does sports with) and take opportunities to do things like the robotics fair with a partner who doesn’t run in the same exact group, summer camps with a friend but not someone he’s super close with, a faith based class, my friends kids who are a year younger or older. I see my job as a parent to teach my child social skills and that means being able to build relationships with different kind of people outside of his little bubble. I see too many people get hyper focused on their friends “new best friend” and see how traumatic it is when the kid moves on 6m later. I also don’t want my kids to be so dependent on 2-3 kids and be devastated when class assignments come out. I would stop focusing on this kid and cast your net wider. My son had a few kids he’s very close with and has known since he’s a baby but he gets invited to about 30-40 kids parties a year. He’s not known as one of the “cool” kids but he’s very well liked. . We really focus a lot on kindness, treating everyone equal, being a good friend, etc. I really stress how that’s more important than being “in a group” or “popular”. Ask the teacher to name a few classmates he does well with and you plan something or ask a few moms who are kind and you’re comfortable with even if he’s not mentioned them. 8 is too young to be calling and coordinating themselves. If you’re concerned it might be awkward, plan an outing to the movies, top golf, bowling, etc. Kids are thrilled with any activity. And don’t necessarily write off any kids who you think wouldn’t like him. It might be helpful for him to have some friends who are more outgoing and social. [/quote]

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