What To Do When Son's Best Friend Becomes Too Popular?
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Anonymous
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DS is 8 and socially awkward. He wears glasses, is small for his age and doesn't play sports. I feel badly that he doesn't have more friends but in September my husband and I were delighted that he seemed to really bond with a new student in his third grade class. This friend is an adorable boy but he has Tourette's syndrome and had a hard time fitting in at first.
I am proud of the way my son accepts this friend and overlooks his tics. It seems the other kids in the class are also starting to realize that Tourette's is something he can't help and there's nothing weird about him. However, I worry that this friend might be becoming too popular and too "cool." A few weeks ago, my son was super embarrassed in front of the friend when his jeans sagged accidentally on the playground and some rude kids made fun of his underwear. 
Ever since this happened, the friend has been acting like he would rather hang out with those rude kids than my son. My son is now too shy to call him but maybe I should call the mother and arrange a playdate. How worried do you get when your child's best friend seems to be leaving him for popularity? Don't get my wrong, I think it's terrific that the friend is being accepted. Still, it's hard as a parent to have to wonder why some kids become popular and some kids keep feeling left out, right? Does anyone have any advice? |
Anonymous
| Of course you should invite your he child for a playdate; why wouldn’t you? |
Anonymous
Yes, very true! I'm feeling nervous that this boy just isn't as into my son as he was in September. I am considering offering an exciting invitation-- such as a trip to Disneyland with our family. |
Anonymous
| I say this kindly as the mother of teens, one of which had little to no friends... overspending and micromanaging won't buy your child friends. Sure, this kid might love a trip to Disney. But it's not going to make him like your son more. You can invite this kid to playdates and activities in the area, and see how it goes. |
Anonymous
| The Tourette’s kid is popular now? This is not real life |
Anonymous
Unless you live in Anaheim, a trip to Disney is way over the top. Just invite him over to play. And encourage your son to identify other kids to invite over too. |
Anonymous
Whole thing screams troll. |
Anonymous
Desperado why don’t you come to your senses? |
Anonymous
| Start teaching your kid to grow a pair and start standing up for himself. The problem isn’t his friend, it’s him. Tourette kid already at a disadvantage at least knows to stay far away from a push over, so he won’t get roped in with the put downs. spend that Disney money on karate. Teach your kid when to tell someone to shut up. |
Anonymous
I didn't mean that the friend is popular the way a high school homecoming queen is popular. Maybe just that kids are getting used to him and it's no longer cool to make fun of his Tourette's. Back in Sept/October my son was his only friend. Now, that is not true anymore. "Tourette kid already at a disadvantage at least knows to stay far away from a push over, so he won’t get roped in with the put downs." Yeah, that could be. The friend is afraid of being too closely associated with my son because some rude kids on the playground put him down. That makes sense-- it just doesn't seem fair since my son was nice to him when other kids thought he was weird and weren't sure what to think of his tics. |
Anonymous
| Yeah gonna go with troll. No parent goes from I’m afraid to invite him for a play date to hmmm maybe I can bring him to Disneyland. Haha. If you don’t know the parents well enough to ask them how their son feels about yours then you don’t know them well enough to go to Disney. T |
Anonymous
It's not that I'm afraid to invite him just that I thought it would be better if my son called him instead. I do know the Mom well enough to discuss a possible trip to Disney and that's something I'm considering. But do you really think a parent would be honest with me and tell me if my worst fear is true: that her son doesn't wanna be friends with my boy anymore because some rude kids at school sometimes laugh at him? |
Anonymous
No! Don’t do this. Just a normal playdate. |
Anonymous
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"No! Don’t do this. Just a normal playdate." Well, unfortunately ever since the playground incident I mentioned the friend never comes home with DS after school anymore. So, I'm considering a playdate or trip that would be more special than usual. Could make a difference. By the way, this friend seemed like such a nice boy back in September. I hope he isn't hanging out with rude kids or doing rude things just to fit in better at school. He seems like too nice a boy for things like that! And shouldn't a boy with a disability have more compassion? |
Anonymous
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It sounds like you might want to work on your DS’s appearance, manners, etc. He sounds dorky tbh and even the new tourettes kid doesn’t sound like he wants to be associated with him.
Expose him to more social circles—what’s he interested in? |