Visiting family - Prayers before meals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when in Rome follow their rules. However, if they are in your home you take charge. Do not let them abuse your hospitality to impose something on you that you do not agree with. You can maintain the performative aspects of their “prayer” but perhaps instead of praying, you announce a theme for brief reflection. It can be anything you choose: the genocide occurring in Palestine, the ongoing assault on reproductive rights, the theft of indigenous people’s lands come immediately to mind for me. It’s your home, your rules.

Your post positions many political topics in direct opposition to faith, which is a false narrative. Your post:
a. Belongs more on the politics board
b. Presumes people who say Grace are not also concerned with life in Gaza and Israel, women's healthcare, and oppression (historical and modern-day) of minority groups. These things aren't always mutually exclusive.

It doesn’t presuppose anything except that OP doesn’t like praying with her in-laws. Instead of prayer why not join hands and ponder moral issues for a minute. Since genocide of Palestinians and reproductive rights are issues of morality it makes sense. Other posters were the ones acting as if OP’s in-laws were opposed to Palestine or reproductive choice.

Nobody has said that silently pondering Palestine or reproductive rights is wrong.

Everybody is reacting to 7:08, who called for a big announcement when she wrote “You can maintain the performative aspects of their “prayer” but perhaps instead of praying, you announce a theme for brief reflection. It can be anything you choose: the genocide occurring in Palestine, the ongoing assault on reproductive rights, the theft of indigenous people’s lands come immediately to mind for me.”

What is wrong with that? OP doesn’t want to pray with her in-laws in her own house. This is a solution.

If you're already estranged from your family, this isn't a practical problem for you. If you want to be estranged from them, this is the way to go.

[Anonymous]

Ask them to make it a short prayer so the food doesn't get cold.

"God is great, God is good. Lord we thank you for this food. Amen."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when in Rome follow their rules. However, if they are in your home you take charge. Do not let them abuse your hospitality to impose something on you that you do not agree with. You can maintain the performative aspects of their “prayer” but perhaps instead of praying, you announce a theme for brief reflection. It can be anything you choose: the genocide occurring in Palestine, the ongoing assault on reproductive rights, the theft of indigenous people’s lands come immediately to mind for me. It’s your home, your rules.

Your post positions many political topics in direct opposition to faith, which is a false narrative. Your post:
a. Belongs more on the politics board
b. Presumes people who say Grace are not also concerned with life in Gaza and Israel, women's healthcare, and oppression (historical and modern-day) of minority groups. These things aren't always mutually exclusive.

It doesn’t presuppose anything except that OP doesn’t like praying with her in-laws. Instead of prayer why not join hands and ponder moral issues for a minute. Since genocide of Palestinians and reproductive rights are issues of morality it makes sense. Other posters were the ones acting as if OP’s in-laws were opposed to Palestine or reproductive choice.

So you’d be good if the family decided to ponder the glory of being pro-life or the genocidal ideology of Hamas.

[Anonymous]

I am not religious, but this wouldn’t be a big deal to me. I lived in a foreign country for a while, and when their national anthem played at events, I’d stand up with everyone else to be respectful, even though it wasn’t “my” national anthem. Your situation, to me, is similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when in Rome follow their rules. However, if they are in your home you take charge. Do not let them abuse your hospitality to impose something on you that you do not agree with. You can maintain the performative aspects of their “prayer” but perhaps instead of praying, you announce a theme for brief reflection. It can be anything you choose: the genocide occurring in Palestine, the ongoing assault on reproductive rights, the theft of indigenous people’s lands come immediately to mind for me. It’s your home, your rules.

Yikes. I wouldn’t do that. Not everyone thinks the way you do.

[Anonymous]

I would hold hands, bow my head, be silent and be respectful. I would do this for a family member - IF - they were the one's hosting the occasion. I would not go-along if we were in a neutral location, like a restaurant where there is no particular person hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would hold hands, bow my head, be silent and be respectful. I would do this for a family member - IF - they were the one's hosting the occasion. I would not go-along if we were in a neutral location, like a restaurant where there is no particular person hosting.

What would you do instead, that wouldn't cause a family rift? OP needs practical solutions, not "I want to talk about abortion instead."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH’s family is pretty religious. The time I feel the most uncomfortable with it is during prayers before meals. No matter where we are - restaurant, one of their homes, standing at a party - people will join hands and one of them will make up a prayer. It is usually pretty involved and lengthy, custom made each time to fit the situation. They often pray for us (the visiting family), whoever else they know that might need support, etc. If at our house or a restaurant, they also circle up and hold hands and pray. Sometimes the prayers are quite fervent in nature. Sometimes they feel quite hypocritical and awkward if, say, someone decides that that is the time to beg God’s forgiveness for something they’ve done wrong.

I understand that this ritual is very important to them.

I am not religious by any stretch of the imagination and I don’t have particularly good experiences with religion. I don’t particularly want to hold peoples hands, bow my head, and lower my eyes while they pray their prayers. It is awkward and doesn’t feel right to me. And gets more so every with every holiday and other family gathering.

Do I continue to hold hands and lower my head and eyes in deference to what they’re doing - I don’t know why, actually, heads are lowered - and just keep feeling uncomfortable on so many levels?

My question is for both religious and non religious folks, I suppose: do I continue to feel awkward for the rest of my life and hold hands while they pray? Is there a way to kindly and respectfully opt out without causing an issue? I did excuse myself once for the restroom as they were gathering and when I returned, the entire group of 15 or so were waiting on me so they could pray before putting food on their plates.

Obviously not a hill to die on, but I dread it before we head down there. And dread it prior to each meal. I don’t know why it causes me such anxiety, but it does.

Why does your dh’s family saying a prayer of thanksgiving before thanksgiving dinner cause you anxiety and dread?

NP- it sounds like the prayers are long enough for the food to get cold. I’d not want to host performative prayer in my home either. Short and sweet if fine; turning every meal into a prayer meeting is obnoxious. I would hold hands and close my eyes for some; then take the time to mentally check out for the rest. Anything longer than half a minute seems over the top.

[Anonymous]

This is when I excuse myself to get rolls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask them to make it a short prayer so the food doesn't get cold.

"God is great, God is good. Lord we thank you for this food. Amen."

" Rub a dub! dub!"
"Thanks for the grub!"
" Yaaaaay God!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask them to make it a short prayer so the food doesn't get cold.

"God is great, God is good. Lord we thank you for this food. Amen."

" Rub a dub! dub!"
"Thanks for the grub!"
" Yaaaaay God!"

This is my father’s favorite prayer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask them to make it a short prayer so the food doesn't get cold.

"God is great, God is good. Lord we thank you for this food. Amen."

" Rub a dub! dub!"
"Thanks for the grub!"
" Yaaaaay God!"

This is my father’s favorite prayer.

And I bet your Mom can stand it just like my wife.😄

[Anonymous]

Oh grow up! It's ok to not feel comfortable every second of your life. The world doesn't revolve around you. Maybe reflect upon why it bothers you so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh grow up! It's ok to not feel comfortable every second of your life. The world doesn't revolve around you. Maybe reflect upon why it bothers you so much?

The irony level of your post is off the charts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh grow up! It's ok to not feel comfortable every second of your life. The world doesn't revolve around you. Maybe reflect upon why it bothers you so much?

The irony level of your post is off the charts.

Pp has a point.