Dating a sweet kind loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really difficult. He is so kind and sweet but despite a PhD has barely gotten anywhere in life at age 50. Is very sympathetic with the downtrodden and has not succeeded materially at all. I respect that he lives within his means (has a housemate whose rent subsidizes his very low mortgage) but am tired of splitting the bill, treating and staying in. I feel so guilty bc he’s really nice but it hard to imagine living this way now.

Do, do him a kindness and dump him so he can find someone who isn't a total loser.

All the ladies love guys in their 50s with roommates.

Everyone seems to be skipping over this. This seems slightly off. Plus splitting everything? I dated someone who lived very differently because he was so kind. So, so, so, kind. But then I found myself getting mad because he wouldn’t want to go out to eat and complained about one bday dinner he attended with my friends. We just weren’t a match and had to cut ties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really difficult. He is so kind and sweet but despite a PhD has barely gotten anywhere in life at age 50. Is very sympathetic with the downtrodden and has not succeeded materially at all. I respect that he lives within his means (has a housemate whose rent subsidizes his very low mortgage) but am tired of splitting the bill, treating and staying in. I feel so guilty bc he’s really nice but it hard to imagine living this way now.

Do, do him a kindness and dump him so he can find someone who isn't a total loser.

All the ladies love guys in their 50s with roommates.

Everyone seems to be skipping over this. This seems slightly off. Plus splitting everything? I dated someone who lived very differently because he was so kind. So, so, so, kind. But then I found myself getting mad because he wouldn’t want to go out to eat and complained about one bday dinner he attended with my friends. We just weren’t a match and had to cut ties.

He owns the house and has a tenant who pays him rent towards the mortgage. I wouldn't want to live like that, but it's not abnormal. Neither is being frugal/cheap.

[Anonymous]

Please move on for his sake. He sounds like a sweet, smart, kind guy that lacks monetary ambition. He would not be the guy for me but I’d never say he’s a loser.

[Anonymous]

DCUM is so weird. Half the threads are like this one, attacking an OP for being shallow and materialistic; and the other half are people looking down on anyone making less than $500k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really difficult. He is so kind and sweet but despite a PhD has barely gotten anywhere in life at age 50. Is very sympathetic with the downtrodden and has not succeeded materially at all. I respect that he lives within his means (has a housemate whose rent subsidizes his very low mortgage) but am tired of splitting the bill, treating and staying in. I feel so guilty bc he’s really nice but it hard to imagine living this way now.

Do, do him a kindness and dump him so he can find someone who isn't a total loser.

All the ladies love guys in their 50s with roommates.

Everyone seems to be skipping over this. This seems slightly off. Plus splitting everything? I dated someone who lived very differently because he was so kind. So, so, so, kind. But then I found myself getting mad because he wouldn’t want to go out to eat and complained about one bday dinner he attended with my friends. We just weren’t a match and had to cut ties.

He owns the house and has a tenant who pays him rent towards the mortgage. I wouldn't want to live like that, but it's not abnormal. Neither is being frugal/cheap.

Frugality and cheap are different things

Frugal is a virtue. As is thrift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invisible disabilities, like autism.
Makes it hard to adult.

Yes. I know people like this, OP. There is usually severe ADHD, anxiety or autism in the mix You don't see it now, but it's there. This man has a high enough IQ and enough work ethic to get to PhD level, but it doesn't follow that he can function in the real world.

This would describe my older sister
Despite the PhD and a lifetime of being an excellent student, she cannot function outside of a school program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invisible disabilities, like autism.
Makes it hard to adult.

Yes. I know people like this, OP. There is usually severe ADHD, anxiety or autism in the mix You don't see it now, but it's there. This man has a high enough IQ and enough work ethic to get to PhD level, but it doesn't follow that he can function in the real world.

This would describe my older sister
Despite the PhD and a lifetime of being an excellent student, she cannot function outside of a school program.

Um the man bought a house. He's not terrible to live with, else a roommate wouldn't want to be there. Stop making him out to be a loser. A loser is a man in his 40s living in his parents' basement without contributing and no plans to move out.

[Anonymous]

OP, not trying to stir any pots here but just wondering if this guy really has a Ph.d or could possibly lying about it.

[Anonymous]

I really hate the word "loser."

This man owns a house, is frugal, and has an advanced degree. If you need more, go find more, but he's not a loser and neither are you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, not trying to stir any pots here but just wondering if this guy really has a Ph.d or could possibly lying about it.

OMG!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really hate the word "loser."

This man owns a house, is frugal, and has an advanced degree. If you need more, go find more, but he's not a loser and neither are you.

I think OP is a troll and a loser. She hasn’t been back to tell us about her successes so I’m thinking this whole post is fake. I’m hoping it is anyway.

[Anonymous]

I would date a guy like this in a hot minute provided he was not mentally ill/drug addicted (autism is OK) and did a lot around the house. Sweet, educated, frugal - sounds so much better than what I ended up with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would date a guy like this in a hot minute provided he was not mentally ill/drug addicted (autism is OK) and did a lot around the house. Sweet, educated, frugal - sounds so much better than what I ended up with.

I date a guy like that - he’s 6’3, very hot and great to go out with on my elbow; thick good sized D that he knows his to use and runs errands for me. Calm and kind. I find him a great deal after exH who was a paranoid, angry and ugly 5’9 cheater

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would date a guy like this in a hot minute provided he was not mentally ill/drug addicted (autism is OK) and did a lot around the house. Sweet, educated, frugal - sounds so much better than what I ended up with.

I date a guy like that - he’s 6’3, very hot and great to go out with on my elbow; thick good sized D that he knows his to use and runs errands for me. Calm and kind. I find him a great deal after exH who was a paranoid, angry and ugly 5’9 cheater

you go QUEEN!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really difficult. He is so kind and sweet but despite a PhD has barely gotten anywhere in life at age 50. Is very sympathetic with the downtrodden and has not succeeded materially at all. I respect that he lives within his means (has a housemate whose rent subsidizes his very low mortgage) but am tired of splitting the bill, treating and staying in. I feel so guilty bc he’s really nice but it hard to imagine living this way now.

This isn’t all that difficult. I’m also a kind, sweet, 50s guy in almost this situation, except I haven’t finished fixing up the space in my house to rent out yet. And my STEM PhD doesn’t get me to earn enough to live large in the DMV. But my friends, who all make more than I do, agree that I have by far the coolest job. It’s meaningful and rewarding and will have a lasting impact. And while we might get along, I could never stay in a relationship with a woman who could only see that as ‘not enough $’.