Dating a sweet kind loser

[Anonymous]

I’m dating someone like that. But only because he’s smart and model looking at his 50 and I have enough money for 2 of us. He will never have to work it save for retirement if we are together for the rest of the life. Which he doesn’t know

[Anonymous]

Most people learn that “You can’t fix him” in their 20’s.

you have a house? Do you travel? And most importantly do you have kids? Think about how much it would cost to subsidize his lifestyle so it’s on par with yours. Do you really want an adult dependent? Can you afford one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to stop trying to fix him and just realize that this is who he is. He's 50. If you want his life, then that's fine. But don't think you can change him.

Why does she have to live his life? Why can’t they merge lives? What does she bring to the table?

[Anonymous]

Do you like his house? Would you be happy living there as a replacement roommate if the relationship progresses?

Does he have a job?

How are your finances?

[Anonymous]

Op, if this is not the person you want to couple-with, don't. You are entitled to have a preference. You don't even need a reason. No explanation necessary. It's a preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any person who owns a house, knows how to live within his means, and has a PhD is not a loser, but you may not want to spend a future with him.

Omg do you not have a life outside of DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invisible disabilities, like autism.
Makes it hard to adult.

Yes. I know people like this, OP. There is usually severe ADHD, anxiety or autism in the mix You don't see it now, but it's there. This man has a high enough IQ and enough work ethic to get to PhD level, but it doesn't follow that he can function in the real world.

If you have enough money for the both of you, you can make it work! But if want a partner with more income, then maybe he's not the one for you.

(Also, maybe he or his family have assets. Not the same thing as income.)

You are disgusting.

PP you replied to. My husband is like this, PP. He has not one, but two, terminal degrees. Many of his relatives are like this too.

Before you get reflexively angry, read posts at face value and assume best intentions.

Also, and I cannot stress this enough. "AUTISM" IS NOT AN INSULT. It's a descriptive. I live with it in my house. You do not know better than me what it's like to navigate a relationship with someone like this.

So calm down and stop thinking people are disgusting for bringing it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invisible disabilities, like autism.
Makes it hard to adult.

WHATTTT THE F?? By all accounts he is successful. Has a house he owns, has a PhD, and is super sweet (meaning a good person) but because he isn't a millionaire, he must be autistis and therefore undatable. YOU ARE A MORON OF GIANT PROPORTIONS.

Have him plan a vacation that makes sense.

Go out with friends to an event, see how he socializes.

See how he handles a new stressful situation- does he shut down, get angry, or handle it well.

Can he discuss life or only work topics or the latest news article he just read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has a kid, a house, a PhD. What do you have op? Nothing? But he's the problem? Lol 😂

He is a solo parent with a kid?!?

[Anonymous]

Does he suggest ideas and things to do as dates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people learn that “You can’t fix him” in their 20’s.

you have a house? Do you travel? And most importantly do you have kids? Think about how much it would cost to subsidize his lifestyle so it’s on par with yours. Do you really want an adult dependent? Can you afford one?

WHAT IS THERE TO FIX?????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invisible disabilities, like autism.
Makes it hard to adult.

WHATTTT THE F?? By all accounts he is successful. Has a house he owns, has a PhD, and is super sweet (meaning a good person) but because he isn't a millionaire, he must be autistis and therefore undatable. YOU ARE A MORON OF GIANT PROPORTIONS.

Have him plan a vacation that makes sense.

Go out with friends to an event, see how he socializes.

See how he handles a new stressful situation- does he shut down, get angry, or handle it well.

Can he discuss life or only work topics or the latest news article he just read?

Nothing she said indicates that he is on the spectrum and you are disgusting for suggesting simply because he doesn’t make a lot of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has a kid, a house, a PhD. What do you have op? Nothing? But he's the problem? Lol 😂

He is a solo parent with a kid?!?

Where did you read that? And even if he was, so what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invisible disabilities, like autism.
Makes it hard to adult.

Yes. I know people like this, OP. There is usually severe ADHD, anxiety or autism in the mix You don't see it now, but it's there. This man has a high enough IQ and enough work ethic to get to PhD level, but it doesn't follow that he can function in the real world.

If you have enough money for the both of you, you can make it work! But if want a partner with more income, then maybe he's not the one for you.

(Also, maybe he or his family have assets. Not the same thing as income.)

You are disgusting.

PP you replied to. My husband is like this, PP. He has not one, but two, terminal degrees. Many of his relatives are like this too.

Before you get reflexively angry, read posts at face value and assume best intentions.

Also, and I cannot stress this enough. "AUTISM" IS NOT AN INSULT. It's a descriptive. I live with it in my house. You do not know better than me what it's like to navigate a relationship with someone like this.

So calm down and stop thinking people are disgusting for bringing it up.

You are disgusting for handing out diagnoses with zero evidence. You are projecting your own situation. Your husband is autistic. Great! Not every academic is and you shouldn’t keyboard diagnose people based on nothing. I have an autistic son so I know a bit about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invisible disabilities, like autism.
Makes it hard to adult.

Yes. I know people like this, OP. There is usually severe ADHD, anxiety or autism in the mix You don't see it now, but it's there. This man has a high enough IQ and enough work ethic to get to PhD level, but it doesn't follow that he can function in the real world.

If you have enough money for the both of you, you can make it work! But if want a partner with more income, then maybe he's not the one for you.

(Also, maybe he or his family have assets. Not the same thing as income.)

You are disgusting.

PP you replied to. My husband is like this, PP. He has not one, but two, terminal degrees. Many of his relatives are like this too.

Before you get reflexively angry, read posts at face value and assume best intentions.

Also, and I cannot stress this enough. "AUTISM" IS NOT AN INSULT. It's a descriptive. I live with it in my house. You do not know better than me what it's like to navigate a relationship with someone like this.

So calm down and stop thinking people are disgusting for bringing it up.

I'm the PP with a husband with a PhD (and an MS in a different field if we're counting) and a low paying job in academia. I also have an autistic family member, who is unable to work or live alone. It's not an insult to say someone is autistic, but the idea that a low paying job is a symptom is just absurd.