Dating a sweet kind loser

[Anonymous]

This is really difficult. He is so kind and sweet but despite a PhD has barely gotten anywhere in life at age 50. Is very sympathetic with the downtrodden and has not succeeded materially at all. I respect that he lives within his means (has a housemate whose rent subsidizes his very low mortgage) but am tired of splitting the bill, treating and staying in. I feel so guilty bc he’s really nice but it hard to imagine living this way now.

[Anonymous]

Nice is nice. Rich is better

[Anonymous]

You need to stop trying to fix him and just realize that this is who he is. He's 50. If you want his life, then that's fine. But don't think you can change him.

[Anonymous]

He is nice. The world is full of nice people. You do not happen to be one of them. Isn't it best to be honest with him and yourself? You admire him in theory. More is needed for an enjoyable relationship.

[Anonymous]

How many PhD's do you have op?

[Anonymous]

You’re the poster from several weeks ago trying to understand her PhD boyfriend’s salary, aren’t you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see one loser on this thread and it's not him.

If you were successful yourself, why would it matter? You need a meal ticket and not a man. Cut him lose.

This. The loser is you OP. He may not be wealthy but he isn’t the one calling his current love interest a “loser.” That’s really low. Hope he moves on from you.

[Anonymous]

Any person who owns a house, knows how to live within his means, and has a PhD is not a loser, but you may not want to spend a future with him.

[Anonymous]

He has a mortgage? That's nothing to sneeze at unless his parents set it all up on their credit as co-signers and made the down payment.

I wouldn't have an issue with a homeowner taking in a roommate, assuming he has no children and it's just him in the house. Heck, I've got a single female friend (never married and no kids) who makes over $200K and she has a roommate in her large condo because she likes to travel a lot internationally but doesn't want it to eat into her savings.

[Anonymous]

Where's your house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really difficult. He is so kind and sweet but despite a PhD has barely gotten anywhere in life at age 50. Is very sympathetic with the downtrodden and has not succeeded materially at all. I respect that he lives within his means (has a housemate whose rent subsidizes his very low mortgage) but am tired of splitting the bill, treating and staying in. I feel so guilty bc he’s really nice but it hard to imagine living this way now.

Not dating material.
Definitely not marriage material.
Ghost out of there like all the women before you.

[Anonymous]

Invisible disabilities, like autism.
Makes it hard to adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really difficult. He is so kind and sweet but despite a PhD has barely gotten anywhere in life at age 50. Is very sympathetic with the downtrodden and has not succeeded materially at all. I respect that he lives within his means (has a housemate whose rent subsidizes his very low mortgage) but am tired of splitting the bill, treating and staying in. I feel so guilty bc he’s really nice but it hard to imagine living this way now.

Do, do him a kindness and dump him so he can find someone who isn't a total loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really difficult. He is so kind and sweet but despite a PhD has barely gotten anywhere in life at age 50. Is very sympathetic with the downtrodden and has not succeeded materially at all. I respect that he lives within his means (has a housemate whose rent subsidizes his very low mortgage) but am tired of splitting the bill, treating and staying in. I feel so guilty bc he’s really nice but it hard to imagine living this way now.

Do, do him a kindness and dump him so he can find someone who isn't a total loser.

All the ladies love guys in their 50s with roommates.

[Anonymous]

If he's taken a job that pays little because it doesn't require any education and can't find a job that uses his skills, then "loser" is cruel but not inaccurate, in a sense.

If he's doing something he loves or finds important and is willing to accept a lower salary, then you're the loser.