DH lost job again

[Anonymous]

For low COL you need to be pretty far outside of Boston, but if you work from home that shouldn’t be a problem

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/395-395-Ipswich-Rd-C-Boxford-MA-01921/2063007631_zpid/?utm_campaign=iosappmessage&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=txtshare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I’m so sorry. I have been you. I wish I could give you a hug. It’s so so so upsetting.

Last time this happened to my dh I gave him a timeline to find a new job (I gave him 4.5 mos) and I said if you have not found one by then we need to separate. Your dh has got to be able to work, unless you are happy for him to sah. Maybe a deadline will help him. Also tell us the root cause. Mine has adhd so deadlines help him

if my spouse said “do as I say, OR ELSE!” then I’d say, go for it, don’t want you anyways.

🍻 to mom jeans and keds 🥂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the sole breadwinner for many years and after a short reprieve, I am back in this unfortunate position. I don’t even know what to think or do. It really put such a strain on me, financially, mentally etc. I just can’t go through it anymore.

OP, men face this every day of their lives for the entirety of their lives. What are you looking for? Sympathy? If so, you got it. But the circumstances you describe are no different than what most men experience every day.

[Anonymous]

Sorry it doesn't take 10 years to find a job. He needs to retool and go back as something else. My dh would be working at Home Depot before he let our kids suffer with a reduced income. If your dh is 50, aren't you looking at college expenses?

[Anonymous]

My wife has not worked for 22 years. Men do it all the time.

[Anonymous]

If you had kids then I am sure he was helping out with the kids during those ten years and was a SAHD. Lots of SAHP have kids in school full time.

There are also still a fair number of SAHW - where the woman doesn't work but there are no childcare responsiblities. Less common but not rare to have an non working spouse or partner at home.

I think societally work is still seen as a necessity and requirement for men but an option for women. No one gets upset with unemployed women / wives / moms but it is still common to hear people upset about unemployed men / husbands / fathers - it is seen as shirking their manly duties to be the provider and it isn't manly to not work. Lots of traditional gender roles and gender expectations left over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the sole breadwinner for many years and after a short reprieve, I am back in this unfortunate position. I don’t even know what to think or do. It really put such a strain on me, financially, mentally etc. I just can’t go through it anymore.

OP, men face this every day of their lives for the entirety of their lives. What are you looking for? Sympathy? If so, you got it. But the circumstances you describe are no different than what most men experience every day.

Since most moms aren’t SAHMs, most men do not face this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you had kids then I am sure he was helping out with the kids during those ten years and was a SAHD. Lots of SAHP have kids in school full time.

There are also still a fair number of SAHW - where the woman doesn't work but there are no childcare responsiblities. Less common but not rare to have an non working spouse or partner at home.

I think societally work is still seen as a necessity and requirement for men but an option for women. No one gets upset with unemployed women / wives / moms but it is still common to hear people upset about unemployed men / husbands / fathers - it is seen as shirking their manly duties to be the provider and it isn't manly to not work. Lots of traditional gender roles and gender expectations left over.

You’re conveniently ignoring the fact that I’m neither a SAHM nor a SAHW. This isn’t about what “some” men go through when their wives don’t work. This post is about my situation with this particular husband. It’s not a comment about society and how awful men who married SAHMs have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife has not worked for 22 years. Men do it all the time.

This isn’t what the post is about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you had kids then I am sure he was helping out with the kids during those ten years and was a SAHD. Lots of SAHP have kids in school full time.

There are also still a fair number of SAHW - where the woman doesn't work but there are no childcare responsiblities. Less common but not rare to have an non working spouse or partner at home.

I think societally work is still seen as a necessity and requirement for men but an option for women. No one gets upset with unemployed women / wives / moms but it is still common to hear people upset about unemployed men / husbands / fathers - it is seen as shirking their manly duties to be the provider and it isn't manly to not work. Lots of traditional gender roles and gender expectations left over.

It's not an option for most women. Most women are not SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... and if gender roles are reversed, how is this any different? Plenty of males shoulder the burden of being the main/only breadwinner.

Plus, they then get criticized from all angles about not shouldering enough in other areas of family life.

BZZZT! Predictable tiresome whataboutism and attempt at deflection noted and denied.

You think anyone cares what you think?

Aww, you’re precious. It clearly got under *your* skin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op why does he keep losing jobs?

He had his first job for 20 years, but then nothing for 10 years. He doesn’t keep losing jobs, I wouldn’t say that. It’s just that it took him over 10 years to find this one and the position is cut due to funding issues.

What?!?!?! HOW does it take 10 years to "find a job" I think you got got OP.

[Anonymous]

This man sounds like dead weight OP why do you want to drag that for the next 40+ years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had kids then I am sure he was helping out with the kids during those ten years and was a SAHD. Lots of SAHP have kids in school full time.

There are also still a fair number of SAHW - where the woman doesn't work but there are no childcare responsiblities. Less common but not rare to have an non working spouse or partner at home.

I think societally work is still seen as a necessity and requirement for men but an option for women. No one gets upset with unemployed women / wives / moms but it is still common to hear people upset about unemployed men / husbands / fathers - it is seen as shirking their manly duties to be the provider and it isn't manly to not work. Lots of traditional gender roles and gender expectations left over.

You’re conveniently ignoring the fact that I’m neither a SAHM nor a SAHW. This isn’t about what “some” men go through when their wives don’t work. This post is about my situation with this particular husband. It’s not a comment about society and how awful men who married SAHMs have it.

Do you have kids OP? How did Dh justify not finding a job in ten years. Do you believe he was legitimately looking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you had kids then I am sure he was helping out with the kids during those ten years and was a SAHD. Lots of SAHP have kids in school full time.

There are also still a fair number of SAHW - where the woman doesn't work but there are no childcare responsiblities. Less common but not rare to have an non working spouse or partner at home.

I think societally work is still seen as a necessity and requirement for men but an option for women. No one gets upset with unemployed women / wives / moms but it is still common to hear people upset about unemployed men / husbands / fathers - it is seen as shirking their manly duties to be the provider and it isn't manly to not work. Lots of traditional gender roles and gender expectations left over.

It's not an option for most women. Most women are not SAHMs.

. It is an option. You rarely hear a woman who doesn’t work being called dead weight or a free loader or the other names directed at the man. So it is not seen as something to criticize. It is an option as many women work because they want to not because it is a societal expectation. Society is also fine with them not working.