DH lost job again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m really sorry. I grew up with a breadwinning mom (and was a teacher, so were pretty low-income for a family of five) and a dad who was mostly unemployed. It was a huge strain on her and on their marriage. If it’s any consolation, they are pretty happy now that she’s retired!

Not really any consolation, as I do not really like him.

Is this OP?

[Anonymous]

What on earth is his profession?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I am thinking about moving to a low COL area. I work remote so that shouldn’t be an issue. I am burnt out with this situation.

Would be a wise choice, OP. Any low COL where you might have family or social support?

That would be in Europe. So I am thinking either a smaller town with good public schools around Boston, or Europe. Not sure I can do my job from Europe. I might have to find a new one (which would be bad because I like my job).

Definitely not lower COL.

I'm very sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:... and if gender roles are reversed, how is this any different? Plenty of males shoulder the burden of being the main/only breadwinner.

Plus, they then get criticized from all angles about not shouldering enough in other areas of family life.

OP didn't say she has a SAH spouse, she said that her DH lost his job and took 10 years to find another. Not all breadwinner situations are interchangeable. You're conflating "unemployed" with "SAHP" which is why your wife criticizes you from all angles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the sole breadwinner for many years and after a short reprieve, I am back in this unfortunate position. I don’t even know what to think or do. It really put such a strain on me, financially, mentally etc. I just can’t go through it anymore.

When women are sole breadwinners, it’s a crisis, but when men are sole breadwinners it’s SAHM time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:... and if gender roles are reversed, how is this any different? Plenty of males shoulder the burden of being the main/only breadwinner.

Plus, they then get criticized from all angles about not shouldering enough in other areas of family life.

Can OP tell us if Dh was raising children and keeping house during his ten year hiatus?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I am thinking about moving to a low COL area. I work remote so that shouldn’t be an issue. I am burnt out with this situation.

Would be a wise choice, OP. Any low COL where you might have family or social support?

That would be in Europe. So I am thinking either a smaller town with good public schools around Boston, or Europe. Not sure I can do my job from Europe. I might have to find a new one (which would be bad because I like my job).

Definitely not lower COL.

I'm very sorry, OP.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What on earth is his profession?

+1

And why was he unemployed for TEN years? Mental illness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I am thinking about moving to a low COL area. I work remote so that shouldn’t be an issue. I am burnt out with this situation.

Would be a wise choice, OP. Any low COL where you might have family or social support?

That would be in Europe. So I am thinking either a smaller town with good public schools around Boston, or Europe. Not sure I can do my job from Europe. I might have to find a new one (which would be bad because I like my job).

Definitely not lower COL.

I'm very sorry, OP.

+2

OP. Definitely cheaper than where I live now. Not Brookline or the likes, more like 40-60 minutes out. As I said, I am fully remote, so wouldn’t have to commute into Boston.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I am thinking about moving to a low COL area. I work remote so that shouldn’t be an issue. I am burnt out with this situation.

Would be a wise choice, OP. Any low COL where you might have family or social support?

That would be in Europe. So I am thinking either a smaller town with good public schools around Boston, or Europe. Not sure I can do my job from Europe. I might have to find a new one (which would be bad because I like my job).

Definitely not lower COL.

I'm very sorry, OP.

+2

OP. Definitely cheaper than where I live now. Not Brookline or the likes, more like 40-60 minutes out. As I said, I am fully remote, so wouldn’t have to commute into Boston.

You are going to have sticker shock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the sole breadwinner for many years and after a short reprieve, I am back in this unfortunate position. I don’t even know what to think or do. It really put such a strain on me, financially, mentally etc. I just can’t go through it anymore.

When women are sole breadwinners, it’s a crisis, but when men are sole breadwinners it’s SAHM time.

Shut up you loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the sole breadwinner for many years and after a short reprieve, I am back in this unfortunate position. I don’t even know what to think or do. It really put such a strain on me, financially, mentally etc. I just can’t go through it anymore.

When women are sole breadwinners, it’s a crisis, but when men are sole breadwinners it’s SAHM time.

Yes, because women get paid a whole lot less.
I was to move to a different continent and my employers were discussing how they had to pay a man more money than they paid me because 'he has to support his family'. Mind you, talking about a man they hadn't even met yet. If this wage difference doesn't exist, then employers invented it in front of me.
I also just had a co-worker tell me how women are better at noticing the small things that are part of our job and need to be done. He doesn't notice them and goes straight to where the money is.
I think my boss cursed him out and now they tell him every half an hours to do the small things that women do and are part of his job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op why does he keep losing jobs?

He had his first job for 20 years, but then nothing for 10 years. He doesn’t keep losing jobs, I wouldn’t say that. It’s just that it took him over 10 years to find this one and the position is cut due to funding issues.

Ten years to find a job?!?

Wtf.
He should have done something or anything while looking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry. What’s going on there, that he keeps losing jobs? Learning disabilities? Untreated ADHD? Aspergers? Anxiety? I imagine there’s a root cause.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the sole breadwinner for many years and after a short reprieve, I am back in this unfortunate position. I don’t even know what to think or do. It really put such a strain on me, financially, mentally etc. I just can’t go through it anymore.

When women are sole breadwinners, it’s a crisis, but when men are sole breadwinners it’s SAHM time.

No, when parents agree that one will be a SAHP that’s completely different than parents agreeing that they’ll both work and then one taking 10 years to get a job.

If you don’t want to be a sole breadwinner, talk to your partner and stop whining.