If you’ve been married over a decade…

[Anonymous]

It's been 16 years now. At about 11 years dh was in an awful job. The boss he dealt with was a miserable human being. DH has always had a touch of anxiety but therapy and occasional meds made it completely manageable until this made him spiral.

He was a trainwreck. He was mad and depressed and tired. We have a kid with some special needs that weren't well managed at that point. DH was snippy with all of us all the time. Not patient at all with dd who needed a significant amount of support. Harsh with our other kid. Rude to me and not understanding the burden that was now on me. Just not a good dad or husband. For varying degrees for close to 2 years.

He eventually found a new job. He started to heal. Slowly. It took a long time. He got his confidence back and was a good dad and husband again. But it was a brutal time when there seemed to be no joy in our house except when I was faking it for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you share what your lowest marital point was and how you and spouse bounced back? Going through an incredibly tough two years that has included an emotional affair and trying to find hope

I had an emotional affair with a lot of sexting and I think I definitely had real feelings for the other person, if not love.

Our marriage was very unhealthy, the way we resolved conflicts was unhealthy, we had stopped having sex. It was just bad all around.

DH had an incredible amount of maturity and forgiveness in letting it go, and our marriage is healing. I think we are over this hump. Hang in there OP.

Did you stop the affair on your own? Or did DH give you an ultimatum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you share what your lowest marital point was and how you and spouse bounced back? Going through an incredibly tough two years that has included an emotional affair and trying to find hope

I had an emotional affair with a lot of sexting and I think I definitely had real feelings for the other person, if not love.

Our marriage was very unhealthy, the way we resolved conflicts was unhealthy, we had stopped having sex. It was just bad all around.

DH had an incredible amount of maturity and forgiveness in letting it go, and our marriage is healing. I think we are over this hump. Hang in there OP.

Did you stop the affair on your own? Or did DH give you an ultimatum?

I confessed, stopped it on my own. DH basically told me he would never leave me even if I had a relationship with another man. His reaction was weird. But I was mourning for the other relationship for a long time. It was the first time I had felt wanted and desirable in a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:23 years had two rough patches.

First one, after second child was born we became sexless for years. She wanted more children I didn't, so she stopped with sex. For the record I was older and only I worked. I would have had more but money was tight.

Second rough patch was when she hit her mid forties and had a midlife crisis

Curious what her mid-life crisis looked like?

[Anonymous]

We went through three relos in five years - coast to coast - and twice we went 4-6 months living apart except for weekend visits once a month. I did a very stupid thing and had a ONS after a party and after a lot of thought I told my husband about it. If we didn’t have children I’m sure he would have left me but he stayed and over time things worked out. I’m sure he’s never forgiven me but he’s never mentioned it in over 12 years.