If you’ve been married over a decade…

[Anonymous]

Can you share what your lowest marital point was and how you and spouse bounced back? Going through an incredibly tough two years that has included an emotional affair and trying to find hope

[Anonymous]

20 years into a marriage with a spouse who has issues. There are always ups and downs. Always. If I had a better option, I would leave.

[Anonymous]

Birth of a child and my husband completely checking out (with his parents full support and approval). You know how when someone much stronger is hitting you, you can't really fight back and can only minimize the damage by covering the more sensitive parts? That was me, I didn't have the bandwidth to fight back because I needed to get through each day. Finally, after a few years when the kid was older, I had a come to Jesus talk with my husband and told him that if he doesn't change pronto, his life is about to become his worst nightmare. And then a few weeks later Covid happened.

The in-laws were instantly muted. For one thing, they couldn't visit for a couple of years, for another, it's hard to give their daily pep talk of reigning in the witch when the said witch is in the house within hearing distance. Plus, being together 24/7, finally made my husband understand on one hand what family really requires and on the other, that he has it really, really good. We've weathered the lockdown beautifully, and our relationship has been blooming since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20 years into a marriage with a spouse who has issues. There are always ups and downs. Always. If I had a better option, I would leave.

until "a better option" do us part. How modern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you share what your lowest marital point was and how you and spouse bounced back? Going through an incredibly tough two years that has included an emotional affair and trying to find hope

If your spouse cut contact with emotional AP then theres hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you share what your lowest marital point was and how you and spouse bounced back? Going through an incredibly tough two years that has included an emotional affair and trying to find hope

Navigating minefield that is rasing children. Spouse had very different ideas as to how to do it. Thankfully after many fights were more on the same page.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. When one kid was a toddler and with another one on the way, she began an emotional affair at work. We went to counseling, which helped some...but it wasn't until the other guy left the office that she realized she shouldn't be investing so much energy in him.

That was 13 years ago...things have been much better since.

[Anonymous]

When we had our child. Lack of sleep + lack of time made me just resent everything about our lives. It was a rough couple years. Eventually the phase of life passed. It was enough to make us stop at 1 child though.

[Anonymous]

Going on 25 years next month. Spouse had a physical affair at 19 years. Rough rough rough. Also death of a parent at same time.

I didn’t do anything. Spouse worked through all their sh@t and did lots of individual therapy for the first time.

Glad we pushed through. I wasn’t going to when I found out about the PA. The only reason I did was it was confessed. They did everything right.

[Anonymous]

Dysfunctional in-laws. It was “fine” when they lived abroad…and then they moved a couple miles away, and wanted to bring religious-fundamentalist SIL (whom they enable) back into our lives.

Therapy helped him see the dysfunction and we see good boundaries, but what actually showed him the danger they posed was having a daughter and realizing his niece (at ten) essentially at a first grade reading level, which was deemed wholly acceptable for a girl.

Now his boundaries are stricter than mine and we’re in a much happier place.

[Anonymous]

Our lowest point was an EA. The EA lasted two months, but it hurt for at least 3 years. A lot of therapy helped to understand his behavior, since this was out of character for him. He also never blamed me or our relationship for his behavior. We have a good life and I wasn’t going to allow a 2 months EA take that away from me.

[Anonymous]

One kid with profound intellectual disability and then the other kid for cancer. We did a couple of brief stints in marital counseling (like 5 sessions each time) with the two diagnoses. We also have always participated in marriage enrichment stuff through church. I firmly believe that the strong communication foundation we had from marriage enrichment classes and groups is what kept us from falling apart.

Even if you are not religious, I think marriage enrichment type stuff is really helpful. You can ignore the Bible references. But that is for more practice stuff, not really couples in deep crisis where I think you need a secular counselor.

[Anonymous]

It’s never been awful but it’s never been really good either. We don’t have a ton of emotional connection but we coparent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One kid with profound intellectual disability and then the other kid for cancer. We did a couple of brief stints in marital counseling (like 5 sessions each time) with the two diagnoses. We also have always participated in marriage enrichment stuff through church. I firmly believe that the strong communication foundation we had from marriage enrichment classes and groups is what kept us from falling apart.

Even if you are not religious, I think marriage enrichment type stuff is really helpful. You can ignore the Bible references. But that is for more practice stuff, not really couples in deep crisis where I think you need a secular counselor.

Thank you. Are there any links you would recommend? If anyone else has helpful online resources also feel free to share.

[Anonymous]

COVID isolation with a newborn and a wife who was likely suffering PPD and both of us trying to work with no childcare help at all for several months. We were able to grind through it but it was insane.