I like that my girlfriend was a virgin when we met

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not so rare nowadays because USA is becoming more diverse culturally. There are many beautiful and smart girls who are more interested in education and jump starting their careers and their family culture does not encourage dating. They start dating only when they are economically independent in a high paying professional career.

Only the WASP culture in USA is obsessed about virginity or lack of it. Please, sex is not rocket science.

You have apparently never known any Middle Easterners or Indians.

Actually, I am an Indian. And I was a virgin when I married, as was my DH. How hard was it to learn how to have amazing sex for us? LOL. Is there any dearth of material available now?

I am glad that my first sexual experience was with my husband because it was not only with a person who I loved and who loved me back, but it was also a person who would not betray my trust. Mentally, it allowed me to enjoy sex fully without guilt or fear, and made it exciting, pleasurable and intimate.

Sex for us was addictive and heady. It cemented our marital relationship because this was our first sexual relationship and we were not going to have other partners. So there was no reason for us to guard our hearts. Think back to your first crush and sexual experience. That chemistry was lost on some random person. If it would have been your spouse, it would have made your marriage magical.

Yes, as for sex is concerned - read the forums. No one is having sex with their spouses. People hate each other. People dislike the children they make. And WASP marriages do not last. How can it? The glue of sex has lost its effectiveness to make marriages stick because it has been relegated to a bodily function like taking dump.

I am Middle Eastern and happy I waited until marriage to have sex, but lol, it did not make my marriage “magical.” And sometimes I do wonder, what would sex with another man be like? I will probably never know. I think part of the reason I really love sex is that my husband and I figured it out together and he was receptive to learning what gives me pleasure, but our marriage has a lot of problems.

Marriage can be very hard, particularly if you grew up with baggage. Waiting to have sex will not fix that or make it better. It may correlate to other factors, such as a cultural pressure to commit, but that doesn’t mean that Indian or Egyptian or Lebanese marriages are somehow better. Being unhappily married for 50 years is not an accomplishment, and I have seen plenty of people from the old country who are utterly miserable.

This is true but you aren't Middle Eastern

Umm... I'm not? What?

[Anonymous]

OP - ask yourself why you like this. Female "virginity" is wrapped up in women as property, their value being tied to "purity," their lack of sexual agency, etc.

Are you in love with her? Did she say that was "saving" herself for love? Does it feel meaningful to you because of that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, I claim troll because no 25 year old has a hymen still in tact so as to produce blood. That shit has long ago disappeared.

Second, assume that you will have a sexless relationship within a few months. She was okay not having sex for 10+ years (ie mid puberty forward, when you have pretty intense hormones - or at least, you should). If she was okay not having sex from age 15-25, she'll be super okay not having sex from when she has her first baby at age 32 until death. You okay with that?

If not, move along and let this museum artifact find a new boyfriend who isn't creepy.

+1. I follow a great psychologist's blog who discusses this in detail. While men may love the idea that their wives only awakened sexually once they started having sex with him, any woman in her mid-20s who hasn't already had sex is likely to have a low sex drive within monogamy.

+2 I don’t post on this forum often but when I do it’s often to remind guys that their magical virgin girlfriend or one with a low number who therefore isn’t a wh**e will be the topic of your dead bedroom thread in 5-10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not so rare nowadays because USA is becoming more diverse culturally. There are many beautiful and smart girls who are more interested in education and jump starting their careers and their family culture does not encourage dating. They start dating only when they are economically independent in a high paying professional career.

Only the WASP culture in USA is obsessed about virginity or lack of it. Please, sex is not rocket science.

You have apparently never known any Middle Easterners or Indians.

Actually, I am an Indian. And I was a virgin when I married, as was my DH. How hard was it to learn how to have amazing sex for us? LOL. Is there any dearth of material available now?

I am glad that my first sexual experience was with my husband because it was not only with a person who I loved and who loved me back, but it was also a person who would not betray my trust. Mentally, it allowed me to enjoy sex fully without guilt or fear, and made it exciting, pleasurable and intimate.

Sex for us was addictive and heady. It cemented our marital relationship because this was our first sexual relationship and we were not going to have other partners. So there was no reason for us to guard our hearts. Think back to your first crush and sexual experience. That chemistry was lost on some random person. If it would have been your spouse, it would have made your marriage magical.

Yes, as for sex is concerned - read the forums. No one is having sex with their spouses. People hate each other. People dislike the children they make. And WASP marriages do not last. How can it? The glue of sex has lost its effectiveness to make marriages stick because it has been relegated to a bodily function like taking dump.

You say this yet the divorce rate in Saudi Arabia is 50%. Not much sticking power in the glue of sex, virgin or not.

[Anonymous]

Think back to your first crush and sexual experience. That chemistry was lost on some random person. If it would have been your spouse, it would have made your marriage magical.

This is so silly, it’s on the level with ‘happily ever after’ thinking about relationships.

A lot of people marry people they have very little chemistry with - ever. Much less ‘magical’ marriage sex.

As to chemistry, it’s all in the pheromones and hormones. It’s there with intensity and then burns out, or it’s not there but builds over time, or it’s meh from start to finish - or other variations.

It’s not a limited supply one time is best kind of thing - some of us who have enjoyed sex with dozens of people over the course of our lives have had the beautiful experience of many exciting chemical reactions of varying durations rather than the vanilla one guy/gal for life ride.

To each their own, and stop with all the judgment.

[Anonymous]

It's just a stick. She was a virgin? Then she will go find another man. You're just a stick. Boring one, not lucky. That girl wants to keep experimenting with a different guy's now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not religious at all, nor am I insecure about how I “measure up”, I just like that she’s never been with any other guys. I had no idea that she was a virgin until after the fact and then she told me, because she was mid 20’s and attractive. No clues outside certain body language that I chalked up to normal awkwardness.

Does this make me a bad person? Seems like in most cultures around the world it’s normal for men to want this but in the West we’re told it’s bad to want a virgin.

I don’t have this as a standard or anything because it’s not a realistic one to have once you hit your 20’s, but I feel very lucky.

A lot of college kids have not had sex till early 20s.

Are you are virgin too to make her lucky?

[Anonymous]

A lot of people that marry who haven’t had long term relationships before or sec before end up in mid life crisis searching for the fun they never had when they were young. That also can happen with a non monogamous person but then it isn’t as much of a shock

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, I claim troll because no 25 year old has a hymen still in tact so as to produce blood. That shit has long ago disappeared.

Second, assume that you will have a sexless relationship within a few months. She was okay not having sex for 10+ years (ie mid puberty forward, when you have pretty intense hormones - or at least, you should). If she was okay not having sex from age 15-25, she'll be super okay not having sex from when she has her first baby at age 32 until death. You okay with that?

If not, move along and let this museum artifact find a new boyfriend who isn't creepy.

+1. I follow a great psychologist's blog who discusses this in detail. While men may love the idea that their wives only awakened sexually once they started having sex with him, any woman in her mid-20s who hasn't already had sex is likely to have a low sex drive within monogamy.

+2 I don’t post on this forum often but when I do it’s often to remind guys that their magical virgin girlfriend or one with a low number who therefore isn’t a wh**e will be the topic of your dead bedroom thread in 5-10 years.

Why would you possibly be so personally invested in that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Actually, I am an Indian. And I was a virgin when I married, as was my DH. How hard was it to learn how to have amazing sex for us? LOL. Is there any dearth of material available now?

I am glad that my first sexual experience was with my husband because it was not only with a person who I loved and who loved me back, but it was also a person who would not betray my trust. Mentally, it allowed me to enjoy sex fully without guilt or fear, and made it exciting, pleasurable and intimate.

Sex for us was addictive and heady. It cemented our marital relationship because this was our first sexual relationship and we were not going to have other partners. So there was no reason for us to guard our hearts. Think back to your first crush and sexual experience. That chemistry was lost on some random person. If it would have been your spouse, it would have made your marriage magical.

Yes, as for sex is concerned - read the forums. No one is having sex with their spouses. People hate each other. People dislike the children they make. And WASP marriages do not last. How can it? The glue of sex has lost its effectiveness to make marriages stick because it has been relegated to a bodily function like taking dump.

Congratulations that you found sex. It is kind of stupid to use a single data point in a debate.

[Anonymous]

By the way statistics for bad marriages, sexual issues and divorces are pretty similar in eastern and western societies so one way isn't better than the other.

If virgins lack experience, they are free of previous baggage so all and all, it washes out. Do what works for you and stop worrying about how others do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, I claim troll because no 25 year old has a hymen still in tact so as to produce blood. That shit has long ago disappeared.

Second, assume that you will have a sexless relationship within a few months. She was okay not having sex for 10+ years (ie mid puberty forward, when you have pretty intense hormones - or at least, you should). If she was okay not having sex from age 15-25, she'll be super okay not having sex from when she has her first baby at age 32 until death. You okay with that?

If not, move along and let this museum artifact find a new boyfriend who isn't creepy.

+1. I follow a great psychologist's blog who discusses this in detail. While men may love the idea that their wives only awakened sexually once they started having sex with him, any woman in her mid-20s who hasn't already had sex is likely to have a low sex drive within monogamy.

+2 I don’t post on this forum often but when I do it’s often to remind guys that their magical virgin girlfriend or one with a low number who therefore isn’t a wh**e will be the topic of your dead bedroom thread in 5-10 years.

Why would you possibly be so personally invested in that?

She’s had a lot of sex and feels the need to vindicate herself by establishing a narrative in her head that she’s better at sex than all the virgins.

[Anonymous]

If I had to start life all over again I would have my first time with my new serious partner on my period and then tell him he was the first. So much to be gained from it!

[Anonymous]

I’m a pretty typical Caucasian woman raised Catholic who didn’t have sex until I met my now husband. I’m very thankful life worked out for me this way even though it was stressful and weird at the time (lost my virginity at 21 to my husband). We’ve grown up and learned everything together, I’ve always loved sex and it truly glues us together.

[Anonymous]

I (man) was a virgin until after college and was a bit self-conscious about it. When I lost my virginity I didn't even tell her it was my first time (if my gf realized it she was nice and didn't say anything). I was able to be completely honest with the next woman I dated. We've been married for 20 years.