How to convey to ILs that Thanksgiving will be scaled-back this year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a weirdo family. In my family, the retired parents/aunts and uncles handle the cooking to give us busy parents of young kids a rest. They either bring the food with them, or invade our kitchen (lovingly) and shoo us out to put our feet up.

Have you read the threads from the martyrs who freak out if the old people won't pass the reins? It's their turn, dammit! They want to take it all on even while supposedly busy with babies and jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, PP. I suppose I’m nervous because they have a lot of extraneous “musts” that don’t cover everyone. FIL insists on rutabagas, creamed onions, and green bean casserole. SIL complains if there is no green salad, in addition to a plain green vegetable like asparagus. MIL is used to corn pudding in addition to dressing, etc. It will be more than enough food, but not everyone will get what they are used to.

(Yes, I know there’s no “insist.”)

You're a saint. You host ALL of your in-laws and they ask you to make certain dishes? They should be making the dishes "they have to have".

Tell your DH now to tell them
you can't host this year. Let someone else host and deal with all of the "must haves".

[Anonymous]

DH -- not you, your DH -- tells them that things will be extremely busy but you all enjoy hosting so much you'll be doing the traditional main dishes (the ones you actually like to cook, OP) and catering the sides this year. Too many good restaurant and grocery store Thanksgiving food sides not to just buy what you need and want. You could add, if you want a specific side you love, feel free to make and bring it, it's welcome. I know some here will hate the idea of store-bought sides, desserts, etc., but for me, it's been fantastic; we can focus on the guests, the day itself, and not be exhausted before the meal even begins, and not have piles of work to do afterward.

[Anonymous]

"We're so excited to host Thanksgiving this year. We will both be extremely busy at work, so we're planning a slightly scaled down menu of X, Y, Z. Please feel free to bring additional sides/desserts to share if you don't see your favorite on the menu. Can't wait to see you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 for a Google Sheets potluck menu for people to sign up. They can prep and par-bake in advance, and heat up at your place.

I wouldn't attend a Thanksgiving potluck. I am not cooking for the holidays. If you don't want to invite me, I don't care, but I won't be cooking.

What do you do when you host?

/ snort/. As if that ever happens.

[Anonymous]

*Personally, I'd just cater the whole shebang...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 for a Google Sheets potluck menu for people to sign up. They can prep and par-bake in advance, and heat up at your place.

I wouldn't attend a Thanksgiving potluck. I am not cooking for the holidays. If you don't want to invite me, I don't care, but I won't be cooking.

What do you do when you host?

I live in a tiny shoebox of an apartment. I never host anything.

So you won't host, won't make a dish to share, you will ONLY be the pampered guest. Got it.

I bring a hostess gift.

There comes a point where you’ve been on the receiving end of hospitality that a hostess gift doesn’t cut it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 for a Google Sheets potluck menu for people to sign up. They can prep and par-bake in advance, and heat up at your place.

I wouldn't attend a Thanksgiving potluck. I am not cooking for the holidays. If you don't want to invite me, I don't care, but I won't be cooking.

What do you do when you host?

I live in a tiny shoebox of an apartment. I never host anything.

How convenient for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I usually host Thanksgiving, as our house is somewhat of a central (drive-able) location for his parents, his sister and her family (husband and three kids), and his aunt, uncle and their teenage son. It’s a big group (in addition to our two kids), and we are able to host ILs and SIL’s family overnight, and the others stay in a nearby hotel.

Because everyone is driving from a distance and not everyone is staying with us, others usually only contribute wine or pies, leaving most of the day-before and day-of cooking to DH and me. It’s a ton of work, but everyone enjoys it, and we make it all happen.

That said, this year is extra busy as I have a significant work event happening before and another work event right after the holiday. The kids also have a lot of activities that time of year. While DH and I usually make all the side dishes the family prefers (we’re talking tons), this year we want to scale back and not do so many sides. For example, we always do mac and cheese as it is a favorite of the teenage cousin, but no one else loves it and would insist on it.

DH and I aren’t sure how to signal that it won’t be the full-scale event this year (unless others are willing to significantly step up their contributions). I’m thinking DH sends a group email about a month in advance that is like “here is our planned menu, please feel free to bring anything else” (even though that would involve coolers and whatnot. Is that fair? Any better ideas? TIA!

I’m stuck in only one person likes macaroni and cheese.
WTF are you serving at Thanksgiving?

[Anonymous]

Just get a thanksgiving dinner from Georgia browns or Whole Foods and call it a day.

Tell folks you will provide a turkey and a couple sides and that if anyone wants to bring a “favorite” side or dessert they are welcome to do so!

Whole Foods pumpkin pie is tasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"We're so excited to host Thanksgiving this year. We will both be extremely busy at work, so we're planning a slightly scaled down menu of X, Y, Z. Please feel free to bring additional sides/desserts to share if you don't see your favorite on the menu. Can't wait to see you!

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 for a Google Sheets potluck menu for people to sign up. They can prep and par-bake in advance, and heat up at your place.

I wouldn't attend a Thanksgiving potluck. I am not cooking for the holidays. If you don't want to invite me, I don't care, but I won't be cooking.

What do you do when you host?

I live in a tiny shoebox of an apartment. I never host anything.

How convenient for you.

Oh yeah, like being poor, feeling unsafe, and having roaches is super convenient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You overthinking this WAY too much. They’re guests in your home and should be happy with whatever you serve. Just do as PP suggested and send the menu out. You could include a Google doc or link to a Sign Up Genius for other foods.

Done.

Agree. It is called THANKSgiving. We should all be focusing on the good. A lot of things can be storebought. These other adults can help out together dishes.

No one will starve. I’ve had a thanksgiving with no meal, except one from a gas station. (Due to a health issue and stress in my life with no ability to plan)

[Anonymous]

I think it is fine to give a heads up about your plans for Thanksgiving this year. Simply tell them you are happy to host, but need some help. You can either ask people to bring a side or give out assignments to prevent duplicates. I would ask that they let you know what they plan to bring by a certain date so you can evaluate what is missing and figure out the oven situation.

As an aside, don’t most guests specifically ask the host what they can bring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"We're so excited to host Thanksgiving this year. We will both be extremely busy at work, so we're planning a slightly scaled down menu of X, Y, Z. Please feel free to bring additional sides/desserts to share if you don't see your favorite on the menu. Can't wait to see you!

This. Short and sweet.

Another option is to check out local restaurants that offer catering. Some of the holiday sides you know family may love could be available and all you’d have to do is pay and pick up.