How to convey to ILs that Thanksgiving will be scaled-back this year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 for a Google Sheets potluck menu for people to sign up. They can prep and par-bake in advance, and heat up at your place.

I wouldn't attend a Thanksgiving potluck. I am not cooking for the holidays. If you don't want to invite me, I don't care, but I won't be cooking.

What do you do when you host?

[Anonymous]

I would be more than happy to bring a bunch of stuff, to eat bagged salad and frozen lasagna, or chinese food. It's fine, OP! If it bothers people that much they can stay home, or cook a turkey dinner for themselves another day.

[Anonymous]

I always host a large group too, OP, and no one contributes anything (not even wine or pie). Same deal - everyone has their faves and dh and I are the only cooks. Two years ago, I hosted 13 houseguests when my third child was 8 weeks old. Everything came from balduccis except for the turkey my DH made. I communicated this ahead of time, and it was fine.

I get why you’re nervous, but it’s just food. So long as people have the heads up and can bring their pearl onions or whatever, you’ve done your part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think your husband needs to tell everyone that you are very busy this year, and the kids have a ton of activities, and that you are both considering NOT HOSTING. Too bad, so sad.

Then you two sit back and wait for the chorus of "Oh, no, what are we going to do?!". Much wailing and gnashing of teeth. And then your husband can "allow himself to be persuaded" to host anyway, with a significantly reduced menu, that the guests will accept because the alternative is NOT TO HAVE THANKSGIVING AT YOUR HOUSE.



Psychology.

Do not do this if you actually do want to host. In my family people would just say "oh ok" and make other plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 for a Google Sheets potluck menu for people to sign up. They can prep and par-bake in advance, and heat up at your place.

I wouldn't attend a Thanksgiving potluck. I am not cooking for the holidays. If you don't want to invite me, I don't care, but I won't be cooking.

What do you do when you host?

She doesn't. Cooking is for plebes. She makes reservations.

[Anonymous]

OP, your plan sounds great. Let people sign up to bring other stuff if they really want to have it. I like your idea of giving them notice so they have the option to bring something if it's important to them.

[Anonymous]

Your husband's message sounds fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 for a Google Sheets potluck menu for people to sign up. They can prep and par-bake in advance, and heat up at your place.

I wouldn't attend a Thanksgiving potluck. I am not cooking for the holidays. If you don't want to invite me, I don't care, but I won't be cooking.

What do you do when you host?

I live in a tiny shoebox of an apartment. I never host anything.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you just have some side dishes catered or made to order? You really are overthinking this. If your family is that difficult than I’d think twice about hosting in the future.

[Anonymous]

The real issue is oven space to warm up all those casseroles/sides.

We borrow a neighbor's oven and one year we still didn't have room to reheat two of the dishes people brought.

How many side dishes do you need? I think the plate maxes out at about 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 for a Google Sheets potluck menu for people to sign up. They can prep and par-bake in advance, and heat up at your place.

I wouldn't attend a Thanksgiving potluck. I am not cooking for the holidays. If you don't want to invite me, I don't care, but I won't be cooking.

What do you do when you host?

I live in a tiny shoebox of an apartment. I never host anything.

So you won't host, won't make a dish to share, you will ONLY be the pampered guest. Got it.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you've been generous and amenable to the demands and expectations of your family. I invite people to bring items and they do. In your case, you might send the menu and invite people to bring any special dishes they need or want.

With one relative, they always cooked food I can't eat for medical reasons, so I usually ate beforehand and brought a green salad so I could put something on my plate. I didn't demand a green salad or expect them to make me one.

[Anonymous]

What a weirdo family. In my family, the retired parents/aunts and uncles handle the cooking to give us busy parents of young kids a rest. They either bring the food with them, or invade our kitchen (lovingly) and shoo us out to put our feet up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, PP. I suppose I’m nervous because they have a lot of extraneous “musts” that don’t cover everyone. FIL insists on rutabagas, creamed onions, and green bean casserole. SIL complains if there is no green salad, in addition to a plain green vegetable like asparagus. MIL is used to corn pudding in addition to dressing, etc. It will be more than enough food, but not everyone will get what they are used to.

(Yes, I know there’s no “insist.”)

I would take care of my in-laws, everyone else is on their own with the exception of the macaroni and cheese teen. I would take care of him too so I could have some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 for a Google Sheets potluck menu for people to sign up. They can prep and par-bake in advance, and heat up at your place.

I wouldn't attend a Thanksgiving potluck. I am not cooking for the holidays. If you don't want to invite me, I don't care, but I won't be cooking.

What do you do when you host?

I live in a tiny shoebox of an apartment. I never host anything.

So you won't host, won't make a dish to share, you will ONLY be the pampered guest. Got it.

I bring a hostess gift.