MYOB or say something? BIL brings his kids with him to work

[Anonymous]

the most you can do is offer the number of a nanny you know who's free, or the number/website of a drop in daycare. Poor kids not getting good stimulation or being allowed to play normally.

I disagree to MYOB--children are everyone's business, but as I mentioned above, the most you can do is offer a solution and remind them you have a job but have had great success with a nanny/daycare/preschool/whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the most you can do is offer the number of a nanny you know who's free, or the number/website of a drop in daycare. Poor kids not getting good stimulation or being allowed to play normally.

I disagree to MYOB--children are everyone's business, but as I mentioned above, the most you can do is offer a solution and remind them you have a job but have had great success with a nanny/daycare/preschool/whatever.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is the mother of all busybodies.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is the mother of all busybodies.

+1000

How many hours in a day does she devote to judging and hating her inlaws? Something tells me her own parenting skills are not all that.

[Anonymous]

If there was an issue, the employer or customers would have brought it up.

[Anonymous]

I would mention getting childcare to them any time they ask for childcare from you. Give them a referral if possible. But only mention it when they ask.

I’d be judging in this situation too. Sounds horrible for the kids. It’s one thing if they truly can’t afford it, but clearly this is a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

BIL is a plumber. He’s going into retail stores and doing jobs such as (example) installing new toilets in the employee bathroom. So he’s in a back room while his kids are sitting out in the store by themselves, unsupervised according to my DH.

I will mind my own business. I am struggling to bridge the gap between my previous post and this one. There was an overwhelming response that I should take their kids in for an evening so my BIL/SIL can go out and have a night to themselves. Some posters suggest that I have a duty to my nieces and need to facilitate a cousin relationship.

So, in that familial duty there’s no responsibility on my or my DH’s part to say my BIL is being an idiot: driving around for hours per day with them in the car, taking them to non-kid friendly places with nothing for them to do and leaving them unsupervised.

I will shut up now though, because I do see the point. They’re his kids, not my responsibility.

There’s no gap in the advice you are being given. If you are able and want to, it would be nice for you to take your niece/nephew sometimes. Whether you do or don’t is up to you, but either way, you should not spend your time chastising other people for how they are raising their kids.

+1. I don’t see the disconnect in the advice at all, and I think you are fishing to excuse judgment and the refusal to host your nieces/nephews because you didn’t like how that thread went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh- MYOB.

You do realize that kids “going to work” with their parents is nothing new? Who do you think was supervising all the kids who grew up on farms, while both parents toiled away? a nanny? 🤣 You are being quite overdramatic.

It does not sound ideal to me, as described, but certainly no worse than a lot of possible childcare situations that spring to mind. Preschool and classes for kids <5 are not necessary, in most cases. The kids obviously attend school FT once eligible for public K. It would not work for our family, but I really do not see the problem.

As for the mooching- super annoying, for sure! Just say no. BIL and SIL will get the hint. I would not allow that regularly either.

DP, not the OP. The BIL is a fool. I'm surprised he's still getting work if he's becoming known as that plumber who brings his kids--who then are left unsupervised in another area of his client's business. What business owner wants the potential liabiity and just potential pain-in-the-ass-ness of having four- and seven-year-olds sitting somewhere in the business because the plumber brought them along? I bet he gets cut some slack by some clients who assume he's hard up financially, or he's spinning a lie to them about not being able to afford child care blah blah. Because no serious business owner is going to put up with that for long. Even if they just love kids, these kids are in someone else's business where they just don't belong.

I said it before: It's incredibly unprofessional of the BIL. Someone else's place of business is not his private child care facility.

And it’s up to those businesses, not OP or her husband (who don’t have a great relationship with the parents), to speak up since it’s their property.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]OP here.

BIL is a plumber. He’s going into retail stores and doing jobs such as (example) installing new toilets in the employee bathroom. So he’s in a back room while his kids are sitting out in the store by themselves, unsupervised according to my DH.

I will mind my own business. I am struggling to bridge the gap between my previous post and this one. There was an overwhelming response that I should take their kids in for an evening so my BIL/SIL can go out and have a night to themselves. Some posters suggest that I have a duty to my nieces and need to facilitate a cousin relationship.

So, in that familial duty there’s no responsibility on my or my DH’s part to say my BIL is being an idiot: driving around for hours per day with them in the car, taking them to non-kid friendly places with nothing for them to do and leaving them unsupervised.

I will shut up now though, because I do see the point. They’re his kids, not my responsibility. [/quote]

This is completely different. Taking your niece and nephew for an evening is different than providing childcare. I like hanging out with my niece and nephew occasionally.

I have such fond memories of going to work with my parents and extended family. This included retail stores and hanging out in back rooms or in the store and construction sites, both in the office and on the job. As an adult I realize it was because money was tight and getting childcare just wasn’t a thing. As a kid, I loved the different experiences. Stay out of it.

My husband had similar experiences. We had childcare for our kids but he frequently took them to work with him anyway because they liked being there. Now as teens, they sometimes come to work as a part time job, again, because they want to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

BIL is a plumber. He’s going into retail stores and doing jobs such as (example) installing new toilets in the employee bathroom. So he’s in a back room while his kids are sitting out in the store by themselves, unsupervised according to my DH.

I will mind my own business. I am struggling to bridge the gap between my previous post and this one. There was an overwhelming response that I should take their kids in for an evening so my BIL/SIL can go out and have a night to themselves. Some posters suggest that I have a duty to my nieces and need to facilitate a cousin relationship.

So, in that familial duty there’s no responsibility on my or my DH’s part to say my BIL is being an idiot: driving around for hours per day with them in the car, taking them to non-kid friendly places with nothing for them to do and leaving them unsupervised.

I will shut up now though, because I do see the point. They’re his kids, not my responsibility.

This is completely different. Taking your niece and nephew for an evening is different than providing childcare. I like hanging out with my niece and nephew occasionally.

I have such fond memories of going to work with my parents and extended family. This included retail stores and hanging out in back rooms or in the store and construction sites, both in the office and on the job. As an adult I realize it was because money was tight and getting childcare just wasn’t a thing. As a kid, I loved the different experiences. Stay out of it.

My husband had similar experiences. We had childcare for our kids but he frequently took them to work with him anyway because they liked being there. Now as teens, they sometimes come to work as a part time job, again, because they want to be there.

Agree — MYOB. My mom was a SAHM but sometimes had to leave one or both of us kids at my dad’s work. I absolutely loved it. Like PP it was probably because my parents couldn’t afford a sitter but I had fun.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure the kids are learning plenty and getting lots of mental stimulation just by being there.

[Anonymous]

My BIL and SIL (DH's brother and wife) are similar. They chose to move 6 hours from his parents and 5 hours from her's and routinely (1-2x a month) ask the early 70s grandparents to make the drive and watch their 4, 2, and infant for the week because they don't have regular dependable childcare even though they both work full time and do fine for themselves. It's crazy to me.

[Anonymous]

I can't tell b/c I only skimmed the last two pages, but am guessing that the BIL/SIL may always ask OP for the childcare, so there may be a gender angle here.

I have a pretty good relationship with my ILs and I am also clear with DH that "problems" that emanate from his family have to be handled by him. In this instance, DH might not tell them to consider preschool, etc, but he would tell them that - outside of life/death emergencies - we had busy lives and were not able to provide routine childcare even when I was WFH because I was working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

BIL is a plumber. He’s going into retail stores and doing jobs such as (example) installing new toilets in the employee bathroom. So he’s in a back room while his kids are sitting out in the store by themselves, unsupervised according to my DH.

I will mind my own business. I am struggling to bridge the gap between my previous post and this one. There was an overwhelming response that I should take their kids in for an evening so my BIL/SIL can go out and have a night to themselves. Some posters suggest that I have a duty to my nieces and need to facilitate a cousin relationship.

So, in that familial duty there’s no responsibility on my or my DH’s part to say my BIL is being an idiot: driving around for hours per day with them in the car, taking them to non-kid friendly places with nothing for them to do and leaving them unsupervised.

I will shut up now though, because I do see the point. They’re his kids, not my responsibility.

This is completely different. Taking your niece and nephew for an evening is different than providing childcare. I like hanging out with my niece and nephew occasionally.

I have such fond memories of going to work with my parents and extended family. This included retail stores and hanging out in back rooms or in the store and construction sites, both in the office and on the job. As an adult I realize it was because money was tight and getting childcare just wasn’t a thing. As a kid, I loved the different experiences. Stay out of it.

My husband had similar experiences. We had childcare for our kids but he frequently took them to work with him anyway because they liked being there. Now as teens, they sometimes come to work as a part time job, again, because they want to be there.

Agree — MYOB. My mom was a SAHM but sometimes had to leave one or both of us kids at my dad’s work. I absolutely loved it. Like PP it was probably because my parents couldn’t afford a sitter but I had fun.

+1

My kids went to work with DH on occasion (medical office- private practice) when they were younger, if there was some sort of childcare or school schedule issue. They loved it. They’d hang out in the break room, play on the computer, watch tv etc. Got tons of attention from the staff and even met some of his patients. Helped with small mundane tasks (minor sorting or filing, etc) when old enough. They knew how to behave by 4 or 5 years old, absolutely. Now, would it be ideal for every day? Of course not- but they always enjoyed it very much.

Sounds like this problem will largely work itself in about a year anyway, OP, as the younger one starts school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You had me until “They could be easily kidnapped when BIL is not looking.”

Lol. Me too. OP you sound a little nutty. And yup, MYOB. Plenty of nannies would plop them in front of an ipad too. At least they will see Dad working hard and understand hard work, just like grandma. Good for her! You can simply say no if they ask you to babysit. Problem solved.