MYOB or say something? BIL brings his kids with him to work

[Anonymous]

I am the OP of this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/legacy/posts/list/195/1141971.page

My BIL is a contractor and drives anywhere from 1-2 hours (ones way) to various job sites. He has two kids, 4 and 7. The job sites are typically commercial locations, and he sits his kids down on the floor and gives them an iPad and snacks while he works.

He and SIL earn a decent income but will do anything other than pay for childcare. BIL likes to talk about his stock market gains and has a 90k SUV. If my BIL does not bring his kids to work, he drops them off at his 78 y/o grandmothers law firm (she’s still working), and the kids sit in a vacant office.

BIL and SIL have asked us to take their kids in: overnight or on occasion. We pay for a nanny during the day and DS is starting pre-k in the afternoon soon. I work during the day. I can’t watch my BIL’s kids. They don’t seem to understand that because I WFH, I’m not a SAHM.

I will ask my DH, why don’t you confront your BIL and sister about childcare? Or suggest they put their kids in daycare or get a nanny? That can’t be fun or safe for them to be sitting, unsupervised in commercial sites for hours on end. They could easily be kidnapped while BIL is not looking. DH said it’s none of his business and he won’t ask them, but it’s becoming our business because they keep asking for help with childcare.

Their 7 y/o will be going back to school soon. But they have no plans for childcare for their 4 y/o. They never did preschool, classes, camps, anything with either of their kids.

[Anonymous]

You had me until “They could be easily kidnapped when BIL is not looking.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You had me until “They could be easily kidnapped when BIL is not looking.”

Op here. I know it sounds high strung, but unfortunately it’s true. There are predators everywhere. If he’s not watching his kids, he can’t keep them safe.

I’m a former CPS worker and have seen kids trafficked, it’s horrible and I worry about their safety.

[Anonymous]

This is none of your business. You can continue to tell them no when they ask you for help with childcare, but other than that, stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

You can say no when they ask you to take care of their kids.

Otherwise stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had me until “They could be easily kidnapped when BIL is not looking.”

Op here. I know it sounds high strung, but unfortunately it’s true. There are predators everywhere. If he’s not watching his kids, he can’t keep them safe.

I’m a former CPS worker and have seen kids trafficked, it’s horrible and I worry about their safety.

I get that you’ve seen bad things, but I don’t think you’re being at all realistic here, op. The odds of the kids getting snatched from under their father’s nose while he is working are really, really low.

Your husband is right, myob.

[Anonymous]

Keep saying no and move on.

I never put my kids in daycare because I was s*xually abused by my daycare provider as a child.

It could be a fear that you know nothing about.

[Anonymous]

If your husband wants to say something he can. You shouldn't, it's his side of the family.

Keep saying you can't watch his kids during work hours. It sounds like he has a more flexible arrangement, even though it's not particularly stimulating or enriching to sit on an iPad all day. If he had a small restaurant and plunked them down in a booth I doubt you'd be so outraged about kidnapping or failing to hire a nanny - some work arrangements lend themselves better to "keeping an eye one" your kids while you work, without occupying them yourself.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is right. MYOB. It doesn’t become your business when they ask so long as you say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can say no when they ask you to take care of their kids.

Otherwise stay out of it.

+1

And drop your judgment.

[Anonymous]

They only time I think you could say something is when they ask you for care.
"Sorry I cant, have you considered a nanny or daycare maybe? It would be great for them to be around other kids, learning and playing"
But that's really it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had me until “They could be easily kidnapped when BIL is not looking.”

Op here. I know it sounds high strung, but unfortunately it’s true. There are predators everywhere. If he’s not watching his kids, he can’t keep them safe.

I’m a former CPS worker and have seen kids trafficked, it’s horrible and I worry about their safety.

You said this in the hope of making yourself appear more reasonable, but unfortunately it had the opposite effect.

It's not a great thing for the kids, but as long as they aren't in danger of being injured, MYOB. And if you make it your business, be prepared to provide the care you feel is lacking.

[Anonymous]

Your previous thread went on about how you don’t have a real relationship with your BIL and SIL so what would make you think this is any of your business? Your DH is right, stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had me until “They could be easily kidnapped when BIL is not looking.”

Op here. I know it sounds high strung, but unfortunately it’s true. There are predators everywhere. If he’s not watching his kids, he can’t keep them safe.

I’m a former CPS worker and have seen kids trafficked, it’s horrible and I worry about their safety.

I guess we're not qualified to judge since we haven't see what you saw, regarding kids' well-being.

You should ask your DH to say something about it once and only one time and drop the issue. If your H do not say anything about it, you could say no to babysitting. There's nothing else you can do, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

There is no harm in telling them to get childcare for their kids. They might be annoyed, but that's their problem!

I'd also point out that parenting like this is socially a little weird. Not everything should be about saving money. Talk about the benefits of socialization with other kids.