MYOB or say something? BIL brings his kids with him to work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/legacy/posts/list/195/1141971.page

My BIL is a contractor and drives anywhere from 1-2 hours (ones way) to various job sites. He has two kids, 4 and 7. The job sites are typically commercial locations, and he sits his kids down on the floor and gives them an iPad and snacks while he works.

He and SIL earn a decent income but will do anything other than pay for childcare. BIL likes to talk about his stock market gains and has a 90k SUV. If my BIL does not bring his kids to work, he drops them off at his 78 y/o grandmothers law firm (she’s still working), and the kids sit in a vacant office.

BIL and SIL have asked us to take their kids in: overnight or on occasion. We pay for a nanny during the day and DS is starting pre-k in the afternoon soon. I work during the day. I can’t watch my BIL’s kids. They don’t seem to understand that because I WFH, I’m not a SAHM.

I will ask my DH, why don’t you confront your BIL and sister about childcare? Or suggest they put their kids in daycare or get a nanny? That can’t be fun or safe for them to be sitting, unsupervised in commercial sites for hours on end. They could easily be kidnapped while BIL is not looking. DH said it’s none of his business and he won’t ask them, but it’s becoming our business because they keep asking for help with childcare.

Their 7 y/o will be going back to school soon. But they have no plans for childcare for their 4 y/o. They never did preschool, classes, camps, anything with either of their kids.

How do you know they are just on their iPads the whole time? Depending on the site and the other workers they could be interacting with other adults and even have small tasks to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There is no harm in telling them to get childcare for their kids. They might be annoyed, but that's their problem!

I'd also point out that parenting like this is socially a little weird. Not everything should be about saving money. Talk about the benefits of socialization with other kids.

Do you think they are unfamiliar with the concept of childcare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/legacy/posts/list/195/1141971.page

My BIL is a contractor and drives anywhere from 1-2 hours (ones way) to various job sites. He has two kids, 4 and 7. The job sites are typically commercial locations, and he sits his kids down on the floor and gives them an iPad and snacks while he works.

He and SIL earn a decent income but will do anything other than pay for childcare. BIL likes to talk about his stock market gains and has a 90k SUV. If my BIL does not bring his kids to work, he drops them off at his 78 y/o grandmothers law firm (she’s still working), and the kids sit in a vacant office.

BIL and SIL have asked us to take their kids in: overnight or on occasion. We pay for a nanny during the day and DS is starting pre-k in the afternoon soon. I work during the day. I can’t watch my BIL’s kids. They don’t seem to understand that because I WFH, I’m not a SAHM.

I will ask my DH, why don’t you confront your BIL and sister about childcare? Or suggest they put their kids in daycare or get a nanny? That can’t be fun or safe for them to be sitting, unsupervised in commercial sites for hours on end. They could easily be kidnapped while BIL is not looking. DH said it’s none of his business and he won’t ask them, but it’s becoming our business because they keep asking for help with childcare.

Their 7 y/o will be going back to school soon. But they have no plans for childcare for their 4 y/o. They never did preschool, classes, camps, anything with either of their kids.

How do you know they are just on their iPads the whole time? Depending on the site and the other workers they could be interacting with other adults and even have small tasks to do.

It actually seems really disruptive, OP. If there were kids running around my office regularly, I would not be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There is no harm in telling them to get childcare for their kids. They might be annoyed, but that's their problem!

I'd also point out that parenting like this is socially a little weird. Not everything should be about saving money. Talk about the benefits of socialization with other kids.

Do you think they are unfamiliar with the concept of childcare?

PP you replied to. I have a very cheapie husband who also likes to see his stock portfolio increase. He's a bit on the spectrum, and if someone told him that what he was doing was socially a little weird, he'd pause for a second, because he knows he's socially weird. Hence my take!

Anyway. I come from a family where people are blunt and direct. So I would say something.

[Anonymous]

As someone in the commercial construction industry, I have NEVER seen children on a job site. Nor have I ever brought mine. I would not consider it safe at all. Possibly an OSHA violation, but I don't know that for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone in the commercial construction industry, I have NEVER seen children on a job site. Nor have I ever brought mine. I would not consider it safe at all. Possibly an OSHA violation, but I don't know that for sure.

+1 This is a much bigger concern than the kids getting kidnapped!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/legacy/posts/list/195/1141971.page

My BIL is a contractor and drives anywhere from 1-2 hours (ones way) to various job sites. He has two kids, 4 and 7. The job sites are typically commercial locations, and he sits his kids down on the floor and gives them an iPad and snacks while he works.

He and SIL earn a decent income but will do anything other than pay for childcare. BIL likes to talk about his stock market gains and has a 90k SUV. If my BIL does not bring his kids to work, he drops them off at his 78 y/o grandmothers law firm (she’s still working), and the kids sit in a vacant office.

BIL and SIL have asked us to take their kids in: overnight or on occasion. We pay for a nanny during the day and DS is starting pre-k in the afternoon soon. I work during the day. I can’t watch my BIL’s kids. They don’t seem to understand that because I WFH, I’m not a SAHM.

I will ask my DH, why don’t you confront your BIL and sister about childcare? Or suggest they put their kids in daycare or get a nanny? That can’t be fun or safe for them to be sitting, unsupervised in commercial sites for hours on end. They could easily be kidnapped while BIL is not looking. DH said it’s none of his business and he won’t ask them, but it’s becoming our business because they keep asking for help with childcare.

Their 7 y/o will be going back to school soon. But they have no plans for childcare for their 4 y/o. They never did preschool, classes, camps, anything with either of their kids.

How do you know they are just on their iPads the whole time? Depending on the site and the other workers they could be interacting with other adults and even have small tasks to do.

It actually seems really disruptive, OP. If there were kids running around my office regularly, I would not be happy.

New poster. I bet the BIL would only listen if some client or foreman told him bluntly that the kids weren't welcome to hang out like this. I'm surprised no one has, yet, though maybe someone did and he is so thick he didn't get it. Like someone says above, this is possibly dangerous and I don't mean kidnapping either.. I doubt the BIL is sitting at a desk the entire time he's at these job sites; he's probably coming and going to check things on site, right? And he expects the kids to stay put? Sure hope one of them doesn't need a bathroom and wander off looking for one....etc.

This scenario is not only stupid-- it's 100 percent unprofessional. The BIL doesn't even realize how bad it makes him look, even if the kids are perfectly behaved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There is no harm in telling them to get childcare for their kids. They might be annoyed, but that's their problem!

I'd also point out that parenting like this is socially a little weird. Not everything should be about saving money. Talk about the benefits of socialization with other kids.

Do you think they are unfamiliar with the concept of childcare?

They sound so fixated on money that they probably are unfamiliar with the concept of childcare as helpful to a child's development, and preschool as a preparation for "real" school. Kids who attend preschool--actual preschool, not the kind of "preschool" that's just day care -- are readier for K, which frankly is now like what first grade was back in our day, folks.

But OP can't really say anything to parents this narrow-minded and tight-fisted. If they ask you to babysit, OP, that's your opening to talk to them about preschool. The 4-year-old is old enough for preschool, not just day care. But both kids sound like they need aftercare too.

[Anonymous]

This is not a big deal. I went with my parents to their jobs when I was a kid: my dad had a lot of odd jobs, I hung out at the restaurant where my mom waited tables in grad school, and I went to their offices when they got office jobs. Not all the time but enough for me to remember. I think a lot of people have had these experiences.

But anyway you should MYOB, and continue to impress upon them the difference between someone who WFH and a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/legacy/posts/list/195/1141971.page

My BIL is a contractor and drives anywhere from 1-2 hours (ones way) to various job sites. He has two kids, 4 and 7. The job sites are typically commercial locations, and he sits his kids down on the floor and gives them an iPad and snacks while he works.

He and SIL earn a decent income but will do anything other than pay for childcare. BIL likes to talk about his stock market gains and has a 90k SUV. If my BIL does not bring his kids to work, he drops them off at his 78 y/o grandmothers law firm (she’s still working), and the kids sit in a vacant office.

BIL and SIL have asked us to take their kids in: overnight or on occasion. We pay for a nanny during the day and DS is starting pre-k in the afternoon soon. I work during the day. I can’t watch my BIL’s kids. They don’t seem to understand that because I WFH, I’m not a SAHM.

I will ask my DH, why don’t you confront your BIL and sister about childcare? Or suggest they put their kids in daycare or get a nanny? That can’t be fun or safe for them to be sitting, unsupervised in commercial sites for hours on end. They could easily be kidnapped while BIL is not looking. DH said it’s none of his business and he won’t ask them, but it’s becoming our business because they keep asking for help with childcare.

Their 7 y/o will be going back to school soon. But they have no plans for childcare for their 4 y/o. They never did preschool, classes, camps, anything with either of their kids.

How do you know they are just on their iPads the whole time? Depending on the site and the other workers they could be interacting with other adults and even have small tasks to do.

It actually seems really disruptive, OP. If there were kids running around my office regularly, I would not be happy.

New poster. I bet the BIL would only listen if some client or foreman told him bluntly that the kids weren't welcome to hang out like this. I'm surprised no one has, yet, though maybe someone did and he is so thick he didn't get it. Like someone says above, this is possibly dangerous and I don't mean kidnapping either.. I doubt the BIL is sitting at a desk the entire time he's at these job sites; he's probably coming and going to check things on site, right? And he expects the kids to stay put? Sure hope one of them doesn't need a bathroom and wander off looking for one....etc.

This scenario is not only stupid-- it's 100 percent unprofessional. The BIL doesn't even realize how bad it makes him look, even if the kids are perfectly behaved.

BIL is the contractor for that other poster who has contractor kids helping out their house remodel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had me until “They could be easily kidnapped when BIL is not looking.”

Op here. I know it sounds high strung, but unfortunately it’s true. There are predators everywhere. If he’s not watching his kids, he can’t keep them safe.

I’m a former CPS worker and have seen kids trafficked, it’s horrible and I worry about their safety.

And they could be molested at pre-k and school. All you need to mind is the business that pays you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/legacy/posts/list/195/1141971.page

My BIL is a contractor and drives anywhere from 1-2 hours (ones way) to various job sites. He has two kids, 4 and 7. The job sites are typically commercial locations, and he sits his kids down on the floor and gives them an iPad and snacks while he works.

He and SIL earn a decent income but will do anything other than pay for childcare. BIL likes to talk about his stock market gains and has a 90k SUV. If my BIL does not bring his kids to work, he drops them off at his 78 y/o grandmothers law firm (she’s still working), and the kids sit in a vacant office.

BIL and SIL have asked us to take their kids in: overnight or on occasion. We pay for a nanny during the day and DS is starting pre-k in the afternoon soon. I work during the day. I can’t watch my BIL’s kids. They don’t seem to understand that because I WFH, I’m not a SAHM.

I will ask my DH, why don’t you confront your BIL and sister about childcare? Or suggest they put their kids in daycare or get a nanny? That can’t be fun or safe for them to be sitting, unsupervised in commercial sites for hours on end. They could easily be kidnapped while BIL is not looking. DH said it’s none of his business and he won’t ask them, but it’s becoming our business because they keep asking for help with childcare.

Their 7 y/o will be going back to school soon. But they have no plans for childcare for their 4 y/o. They never did preschool, classes, camps, anything with either of their kids.

How do you know they are just on their iPads the whole time? Depending on the site and the other workers they could be interacting with other adults and even have small tasks to do.

It actually seems really disruptive, OP. If there were kids running around my office regularly, I would not be happy.

New poster. I bet the BIL would only listen if some client or foreman told him bluntly that the kids weren't welcome to hang out like this. I'm surprised no one has, yet, though maybe someone did and he is so thick he didn't get it. Like someone says above, this is possibly dangerous and I don't mean kidnapping either.. I doubt the BIL is sitting at a desk the entire time he's at these job sites; he's probably coming and going to check things on site, right? And he expects the kids to stay put? Sure hope one of them doesn't need a bathroom and wander off looking for one....etc.

This scenario is not only stupid-- it's 100 percent unprofessional. The BIL doesn't even realize how bad it makes him look, even if the kids are perfectly behaved.

BIL is the contractor for that other poster who has contractor kids helping out their house remodel.

Yep I think that was OP too pretending to be the homeowner. She just can't let this go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/legacy/posts/list/195/1141971.page

My BIL is a contractor and drives anywhere from 1-2 hours (ones way) to various job sites. He has two kids, 4 and 7. The job sites are typically commercial locations, and he sits his kids down on the floor and gives them an iPad and snacks while he works.

He and SIL earn a decent income but will do anything other than pay for childcare. BIL likes to talk about his stock market gains and has a 90k SUV. If my BIL does not bring his kids to work, he drops them off at his 78 y/o grandmothers law firm (she’s still working), and the kids sit in a vacant office.

BIL and SIL have asked us to take their kids in: overnight or on occasion. We pay for a nanny during the day and DS is starting pre-k in the afternoon soon. I work during the day. I can’t watch my BIL’s kids. They don’t seem to understand that because I WFH, I’m not a SAHM.

I will ask my DH, why don’t you confront your BIL and sister about childcare? Or suggest they put their kids in daycare or get a nanny? That can’t be fun or safe for them to be sitting, unsupervised in commercial sites for hours on end. They could easily be kidnapped while BIL is not looking. DH said it’s none of his business and he won’t ask them, but it’s becoming our business because they keep asking for help with childcare.

Their 7 y/o will be going back to school soon. But they have no plans for childcare for their 4 y/o. They never did preschool, classes, camps, anything with either of their kids.

How do you know they are just on their iPads the whole time? Depending on the site and the other workers they could be interacting with other adults and even have small tasks to do.

It actually seems really disruptive, OP. If there were kids running around my office regularly, I would not be happy.

New poster. I bet the BIL would only listen if some client or foreman told him bluntly that the kids weren't welcome to hang out like this. I'm surprised no one has, yet, though maybe someone did and he is so thick he didn't get it. Like someone says above, this is possibly dangerous and I don't mean kidnapping either.. I doubt the BIL is sitting at a desk the entire time he's at these job sites; he's probably coming and going to check things on site, right? And he expects the kids to stay put? Sure hope one of them doesn't need a bathroom and wander off looking for one....etc.

This scenario is not only stupid-- it's 100 percent unprofessional. The BIL doesn't even realize how bad it makes him look, even if the kids are perfectly behaved.

BIL is the contractor for that other poster who has contractor kids helping out their house remodel.

Link?

[Anonymous]

OP here.

BIL is a plumber. He’s going into retail stores and doing jobs such as (example) installing new toilets in the employee bathroom. So he’s in a back room while his kids are sitting out in the store by themselves, unsupervised according to my DH.

I will mind my own business. I am struggling to bridge the gap between my previous post and this one. There was an overwhelming response that I should take their kids in for an evening so my BIL/SIL can go out and have a night to themselves. Some posters suggest that I have a duty to my nieces and need to facilitate a cousin relationship.

So, in that familial duty there’s no responsibility on my or my DH’s part to say my BIL is being an idiot: driving around for hours per day with them in the car, taking them to non-kid friendly places with nothing for them to do and leaving them unsupervised.

I will shut up now though, because I do see the point. They’re his kids, not my responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

BIL is a plumber. He’s going into retail stores and doing jobs such as (example) installing new toilets in the employee bathroom. So he’s in a back room while his kids are sitting out in the store by themselves, unsupervised according to my DH.

I will mind my own business. I am struggling to bridge the gap between my previous post and this one. There was an overwhelming response that I should take their kids in for an evening so my BIL/SIL can go out and have a night to themselves. Some posters suggest that I have a duty to my nieces and need to facilitate a cousin relationship.

So, in that familial duty there’s no responsibility on my or my DH’s part to say my BIL is being an idiot: driving around for hours per day with them in the car, taking them to non-kid friendly places with nothing for them to do and leaving them unsupervised.

I will shut up now though, because I do see the point. They’re his kids, not my responsibility.

I think you're just mad that he's making do without paying for child care and you're stuck paying for it. You feel like he's getting away with something.