MYOB or say something? BIL brings his kids with him to work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had me until “They could be easily kidnapped when BIL is not looking.”

Op here. I know it sounds high strung, but unfortunately it’s true. There are predators everywhere. If he’s not watching his kids, he can’t keep them safe.

I’m a former CPS worker and have seen kids trafficked, it’s horrible and I worry about their safety.

And i’m a prosecutor who works crimes against children. You’ve lost perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had me until “They could be easily kidnapped when BIL is not looking.”

Op here. I know it sounds high strung, but unfortunately it’s true. There are predators everywhere. If he’s not watching his kids, he can’t keep them safe.

I’m a former CPS worker and have seen kids trafficked, it’s horrible and I worry about their safety.

And i’m a prosecutor who works crimes against children. You’ve lost perspective.

Yep, OP is unhinged.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

BIL is a plumber. He’s going into retail stores and doing jobs such as (example) installing new toilets in the employee bathroom. So he’s in a back room while his kids are sitting out in the store by themselves, unsupervised according to my DH.

I will mind my own business. I am struggling to bridge the gap between my previous post and this one. There was an overwhelming response that I should take their kids in for an evening so my BIL/SIL can go out and have a night to themselves. Some posters suggest that I have a duty to my nieces and need to facilitate a cousin relationship.

So, in that familial duty there’s no responsibility on my or my DH’s part to say my BIL is being an idiot: driving around for hours per day with them in the car, taking them to non-kid friendly places with nothing for them to do and leaving them unsupervised.

I will shut up now though, because I do see the point. They’re his kids, not my responsibility. [/quote]

This is completely different. Taking your niece and nephew for an evening is different than providing childcare. I like hanging out with my niece and nephew occasionally.

I have such fond memories of going to work with my parents and extended family. This included retail stores and hanging out in back rooms or in the store and construction sites, both in the office and on the job. As an adult I realize it was because money was tight and getting childcare just wasn’t a thing. As a kid, I loved the different experiences. Stay out of it.

My husband had similar experiences. We had childcare for our kids but he frequently took them to work with him anyway because they liked being there. Now as teens, they sometimes come to work as a part time job, again, because they want to be there. [/quote]

You did the same thing... oh my.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had me until “They could be easily kidnapped when BIL is not looking.”

Op here. I know it sounds high strung, but unfortunately it’s true. There are predators everywhere. If he’s not watching his kids, he can’t keep them safe.

I’m a former CPS worker and have seen kids trafficked, it’s horrible and I worry about their safety.

And i’m a prosecutor who works crimes against children. You’ve lost perspective.

DP. Agree, out of all perspective to fear kidnapping (though I'll note, PP, that the OP says she's a social worker who worked with trafficking victims so I think she's primed to overreact here).

It's too bad that OP got onto the kidnapping tangent because it's distracting from a legit problem. But it's a problem OP can't resolve.

To the OP, when they next ask you to babysit, offer them a contact for a nearby nanny service or whatever, claim a friend used it and told you about it, and then drop the whole subject. You're right, OP, about this being a stupid thing for BIL to do but it's not stupid because it puts the kids into any imminent danger of trafficking. They're FAR more likely to get injured by wandering off at some point, or to accidentally damage something and get themselves and BIL into trouble.

And BIL's clients will start cooling on using his services if he keeps doing this. It's also hugely unfair to the kids (despite one PP who insists its delightful for a child to have to hang out while a parent works....).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is none of your business. You can continue to tell them no when they ask you for help with childcare, but other than that, stay out of it.

are you also one of those people who - after something happens to kids - comes out with "where were all the relatives and family while kids were not taken care of/neglected?" hmmm??

[Anonymous]

i can't believe all of you posters here. "stay out of it?"

commercial construction site is not a safe place for young kids, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i can't believe all of you posters here. "stay out of it?"

commercial construction site is not a safe place for young kids, period.

I have a feeling OP is grossly exaggerating all this. If this is “every once in a while, BIL stops by a site to check on a toilet while his kid is with him” — this isn’t a big deal. There is no way this guy is bringing a young child to hang out all day 5 days a week in some sort of high rise construction project. Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle, but I think OP is hyperbolic.

[Anonymous]

I'd just give them some childcare recommendations and leave it at that. I'd repeatedly state 'here is who we used when we needed help with childcare'. If you have to go there- I'd also point out/remind them that we never ever asked for their (free) help with childcare, so you expect the same courtesy.

[Anonymous]

My sister refused to pay for child care and used my mother as her babysitter well into the time that my mother had dementia. They now refuse to pay for any type of schooling, including college and homeschool their children. This is a family who make north of 700k a year in the Midwest. I keep my moth shut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i can't believe all of you posters here. "stay out of it?"

commercial construction site is not a safe place for young kids, period.

There is no way this is happening. The risk managers and insurers would have his job. The insurance requirements alone would forbid this.

[Anonymous]

Since you asked, I vote MYOB

[Anonymous]

First, if you don’t want the kids at your house. tell them your employer requires you not to have kids on site while you are wfh unless you have childcare in place. If your nanny is there, tell them you’d have to pay extra for her to take care of an extra kid.

Second, I grew up going to my parents and other relatives workplaces. My grandparents had a farm with a retail stand and once we weee four or so we had the run of the place playing. No one really watching us. This has been true in farming communities for centuries. Babies would stay at end of each row and mom would move the babies up as they worked. Older kids would work or play. My dad was a professional, my sahm frequently dropped me at his office and I had a ball playing on the copy machine and typewriters .

Third. I am close to my cousins and one of the reasons is that the parents and grandparents in our extended family were super causal about letting nieces or grandkids come play. Consider whether you really want to be uptight about not caring for each other’s kids. It builds bonds among the cousins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister refused to pay for child care and used my mother as her babysitter well into the time that my mother had dementia. They now refuse to pay for any type of schooling, including college and homeschool their children. This is a family who make north of 700k a year in the Midwest. I keep my moth shut.

Those kids someday will deeply resent their parents' positions when the kids are grown and realize how limited their options are because they're ill-educated. And no, I'm not saying homeschooling is inherently bad; I'm saying that the total package described here is one putting those kids on a track to not go to college at all, or get a "degree" from the lowest-level college they can afford entirely solo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had me until “They could be easily kidnapped when BIL is not looking.”

Op here. I know it sounds high strung, but unfortunately it’s true. There are predators everywhere. If he’s not watching his kids, he can’t keep them safe.

I’m a former CPS worker and have seen kids trafficked, it’s horrible and I worry about their safety.

If you are not a troll then you'd know kids rarely to never get trafficked because they were kidnapped from a construction site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can say no when they ask you to take care of their kids.

Otherwise stay out of it.

+1

And drop your judgment.

I don’t think she should drop her judgment. Maybe it’s not a good idea to intervene, but it is also not a good solution for these kids.