MYOB or say something? BIL brings his kids with him to work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

BIL is a plumber. He’s going into retail stores and doing jobs such as (example) installing new toilets in the employee bathroom. So he’s in a back room while his kids are sitting out in the store by themselves, unsupervised according to my DH.

I will mind my own business. I am struggling to bridge the gap between my previous post and this one. There was an overwhelming response that I should take their kids in for an evening so my BIL/SIL can go out and have a night to themselves. Some posters suggest that I have a duty to my nieces and need to facilitate a cousin relationship.

So, in that familial duty there’s no responsibility on my or my DH’s part to say my BIL is being an idiot: driving around for hours per day with them in the car, taking them to non-kid friendly places with nothing for them to do and leaving them unsupervised.

I will shut up now though, because I do see the point. They’re his kids, not my responsibility.

There’s no gap in the advice you are being given. If you are able and want to, it would be nice for you to take your niece/nephew sometimes. Whether you do or don’t is up to you, but either way, you should not spend your time chastising other people for how they are raising their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/legacy/posts/list/195/1141971.page

My BIL is a contractor and drives anywhere from 1-2 hours (ones way) to various job sites. He has two kids, 4 and 7. The job sites are typically commercial locations, and he sits his kids down on the floor and gives them an iPad and snacks while he works.

He and SIL earn a decent income but will do anything other than pay for childcare. BIL likes to talk about his stock market gains and has a 90k SUV. If my BIL does not bring his kids to work, he drops them off at his 78 y/o grandmothers law firm (she’s still working), and the kids sit in a vacant office.

BIL and SIL have asked us to take their kids in: overnight or on occasion. We pay for a nanny during the day and DS is starting pre-k in the afternoon soon. I work during the day. I can’t watch my BIL’s kids. They don’t seem to understand that because I WFH, I’m not a SAHM.

I will ask my DH, why don’t you confront your BIL and sister about childcare? Or suggest they put their kids in daycare or get a nanny? That can’t be fun or safe for them to be sitting, unsupervised in commercial sites for hours on end. They could easily be kidnapped while BIL is not looking. DH said it’s none of his business and he won’t ask them, but it’s becoming our business because they keep asking for help with childcare.

Their 7 y/o will be going back to school soon. But they have no plans for childcare for their 4 y/o. They never did preschool, classes, camps, anything with either of their kids.

How do you know they are just on their iPads the whole time? Depending on the site and the other workers they could be interacting with other adults and even have small tasks to do.

It actually seems really disruptive, OP. If there were kids running around my office regularly, I would not be happy.

New poster. I bet the BIL would only listen if some client or foreman told him bluntly that the kids weren't welcome to hang out like this. I'm surprised no one has, yet, though maybe someone did and he is so thick he didn't get it. Like someone says above, this is possibly dangerous and I don't mean kidnapping either.. I doubt the BIL is sitting at a desk the entire time he's at these job sites; he's probably coming and going to check things on site, right? And he expects the kids to stay put? Sure hope one of them doesn't need a bathroom and wander off looking for one....etc.

This scenario is not only stupid-- it's 100 percent unprofessional. The BIL doesn't even realize how bad it makes him look, even if the kids are perfectly behaved.

BIL is the contractor for that other poster who has contractor kids helping out their house remodel.

Link?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1148794.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

BIL is a plumber. He’s going into retail stores and doing jobs such as (example) installing new toilets in the employee bathroom. So he’s in a back room while his kids are sitting out in the store by themselves, unsupervised according to my DH.

I will mind my own business. I am struggling to bridge the gap between my previous post and this one. There was an overwhelming response that I should take their kids in for an evening so my BIL/SIL can go out and have a night to themselves. Some posters suggest that I have a duty to my nieces and need to facilitate a cousin relationship.

So, in that familial duty there’s no responsibility on my or my DH’s part to say my BIL is being an idiot: driving around for hours per day with them in the car, taking them to non-kid friendly places with nothing for them to do and leaving them unsupervised.

I will shut up now though, because I do see the point. They’re his kids, not my responsibility.

I think you're just mad that he's making do without paying for child care and you're stuck paying for it. You feel like he's getting away with something.

Op here. Yes. I do actually get quite mad when he asks to stop his kids off at my house while my nanny is watching my kid with zero notice or offer to contribute to my nanny’s wage.

I’m annoyed with them and their constant asks. DH and I bought a small, two seater fishing boat with a small cabin space where DS usually sits. They have been blowing us up to take them out on our boat. But they expect us to provide them with life jackets, don’t offer to help with the boat cleanup or anything. It would be a fun day for them. DH refuses to take them out because SIL has made no effort to buy her kids their own life jackets.

They are just annoying as heck and only really contact us when they want something.

[Anonymous]

My brother is a little like that. I love him. I do. But I feel like he only reaches out when he wants to ask me for something. He tries to cover it up by texting about something else at first, but sure enough, within the hour he'll get to the "ask."

Each time they ask you to watch their kids, tell them no and use the opportunity to say that sitting around a retail store with an iPad is a terrible way to spend childhood. They suck.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we remember you OP.

[Anonymous]

MYOB. They are probably better off with their family than with a random nanny who is just staring at her phone. I used to drag my child to work with me (out of necessity), and my child is now a smart/independent young person headed to a dcum-salivation worthy school with a dcum-salivation worthy resume. I’m sure you would have snarked at me back then . . . Worry about yourself.

[Anonymous]

The answer to 95% of posts on DCUM is MYOB. When in doubt, do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/legacy/posts/list/195/1141971.page

My BIL is a contractor and drives anywhere from 1-2 hours (ones way) to various job sites. He has two kids, 4 and 7. The job sites are typically commercial locations, and he sits his kids down on the floor and gives them an iPad and snacks while he works.

He and SIL earn a decent income but will do anything other than pay for childcare. BIL likes to talk about his stock market gains and has a 90k SUV. If my BIL does not bring his kids to work, he drops them off at his 78 y/o grandmothers law firm (she’s still working), and the kids sit in a vacant office.

BIL and SIL have asked us to take their kids in: overnight or on occasion. We pay for a nanny during the day and DS is starting pre-k in the afternoon soon. I work during the day. I can’t watch my BIL’s kids. They don’t seem to understand that because I WFH, I’m not a SAHM.

I will ask my DH, why don’t you confront your BIL and sister about childcare? Or suggest they put their kids in daycare or get a nanny? That can’t be fun or safe for them to be sitting, unsupervised in commercial sites for hours on end. They could easily be kidnapped while BIL is not looking. DH said it’s none of his business and he won’t ask them, but it’s becoming our business because they keep asking for help with childcare.

Their 7 y/o will be going back to school soon. But they have no plans for childcare for their 4 y/o. They never did preschool, classes, camps, anything with either of their kids.

Having worked commercial construction, I was with you until you said this. You're an idiot.

[Anonymous]

They are fine. Babysit or mind your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

BIL is a plumber. He’s going into retail stores and doing jobs such as (example) installing new toilets in the employee bathroom. So he’s in a back room while his kids are sitting out in the store by themselves, unsupervised according to my DH.

I will mind my own business. I am struggling to bridge the gap between my previous post and this one. There was an overwhelming response that I should take their kids in for an evening so my BIL/SIL can go out and have a night to themselves. Some posters suggest that I have a duty to my nieces and need to facilitate a cousin relationship.

So, in that familial duty there’s no responsibility on my or my DH’s part to say my BIL is being an idiot: driving around for hours per day with them in the car, taking them to non-kid friendly places with nothing for them to do and leaving them unsupervised.

I will shut up now though, because I do see the point. They’re his kids, not my responsibility.

I think you're just mad that he's making do without paying for child care and you're stuck paying for it. You feel like he's getting away with something.

Op here. Yes. I do actually get quite mad when he asks to stop his kids off at my house while my nanny is watching my kid with zero notice or offer to contribute to my nanny’s wage.

I’m annoyed with them and their constant asks. DH and I bought a small, two seater fishing boat with a small cabin space where DS usually sits. They have been blowing us up to take them out on our boat. But they expect us to provide them with life jackets, don’t offer to help with the boat cleanup or anything. It would be a fun day for them. DH refuses to take them out because SIL has made no effort to buy her kids their own life jackets.

They are just annoying as heck and only really contact us when they want something.

Say no or tell them your expectations

[Anonymous]

Meh- MYOB.

You do realize that kids “going to work” with their parents is nothing new? Who do you think was supervising all the kids who grew up on farms, while both parents toiled away? a nanny? 🤣 You are being quite overdramatic.

It does not sound ideal to me, as described, but certainly no worse than a lot of possible childcare situations that spring to mind. Preschool and classes for kids <5 are not necessary, in most cases. The kids obviously attend school FT once eligible for public K. It would not work for our family, but I really do not see the problem.

As for the mooching- super annoying, for sure! Just say no. BIL and SIL will get the hint. I would not allow that regularly either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh- MYOB.

You do realize that kids “going to work” with their parents is nothing new? Who do you think was supervising all the kids who grew up on farms, while both parents toiled away? a nanny? 🤣 You are being quite overdramatic.

It does not sound ideal to me, as described, but certainly no worse than a lot of possible childcare situations that spring to mind. Preschool and classes for kids <5 are not necessary, in most cases. The kids obviously attend school FT once eligible for public K. It would not work for our family, but I really do not see the problem.

As for the mooching- super annoying, for sure! Just say no. BIL and SIL will get the hint. I would not allow that regularly either.

DP, not the OP. The BIL is a fool. I'm surprised he's still getting work if he's becoming known as that plumber who brings his kids--who then are left unsupervised in another area of his client's business. What business owner wants the potential liabiity and just potential pain-in-the-ass-ness of having four- and seven-year-olds sitting somewhere in the business because the plumber brought them along? I bet he gets cut some slack by some clients who assume he's hard up financially, or he's spinning a lie to them about not being able to afford child care blah blah. Because no serious business owner is going to put up with that for long. Even if they just love kids, these kids are in someone else's business where they just don't belong.

I said it before: It's incredibly unprofessional of the BIL. Someone else's place of business is not his private child care facility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/legacy/posts/list/195/1141971.page

My BIL is a contractor and drives anywhere from 1-2 hours (ones way) to various job sites. He has two kids, 4 and 7. The job sites are typically commercial locations, and he sits his kids down on the floor and gives them an iPad and snacks while he works.

He and SIL earn a decent income but will do anything other than pay for childcare. BIL likes to talk about his stock market gains and has a 90k SUV. If my BIL does not bring his kids to work, he drops them off at his 78 y/o grandmothers law firm (she’s still working), and the kids sit in a vacant office.

BIL and SIL have asked us to take their kids in: overnight or on occasion. We pay for a nanny during the day and DS is starting pre-k in the afternoon soon. I work during the day. I can’t watch my BIL’s kids. They don’t seem to understand that because I WFH, I’m not a SAHM.

I will ask my DH, why don’t you confront your BIL and sister about childcare? Or suggest they put their kids in daycare or get a nanny? That can’t be fun or safe for them to be sitting, unsupervised in commercial sites for hours on end. They could easily be kidnapped while BIL is not looking. DH said it’s none of his business and he won’t ask them, but it’s becoming our business because they keep asking for help with childcare.

Their 7 y/o will be going back to school soon. But they have no plans for childcare for their 4 y/o. They never did preschool, classes, camps, anything with either of their kids.

Having worked commercial construction, I was with you until you said this. You're an idiot.

Eh, OP's points are all still valid other than that one point. She said earlier that she did something in social work and had dealt with people who'd been trafficked. So she's pretty paranoid about stranger kidnapping and keeps bringing it up. But the rest of her points are valid. The BIL and SIL are cheap-ass users.

[Anonymous]

OP is the mother of all busybodies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

BIL is a plumber. He’s going into retail stores and doing jobs such as (example) installing new toilets in the employee bathroom. So he’s in a back room while his kids are sitting out in the store by themselves, unsupervised according to my DH.

I will mind my own business. I am struggling to bridge the gap between my previous post and this one. There was an overwhelming response that I should take their kids in for an evening so my BIL/SIL can go out and have a night to themselves. Some posters suggest that I have a duty to my nieces and need to facilitate a cousin relationship.

So, in that familial duty there’s no responsibility on my or my DH’s part to say my BIL is being an idiot: driving around for hours per day with them in the car, taking them to non-kid friendly places with nothing for them to do and leaving them unsupervised.

I will shut up now though, because I do see the point. They’re his kids, not my responsibility.

I think you're just mad that he's making do without paying for child care and you're stuck paying for it. You feel like he's getting away with something.

Op here. Yes. I do actually get quite mad when he asks to stop his kids off at my house while my nanny is watching my kid with zero notice or offer to contribute to my nanny’s wage.

I’m annoyed with them and their constant asks. DH and I bought a small, two seater fishing boat with a small cabin space where DS usually sits. They have been blowing us up to take them out on our boat. But they expect us to provide them with life jackets, don’t offer to help with the boat cleanup or anything. It would be a fun day for them. DH refuses to take them out because SIL has made no effort to buy her kids their own life jackets.

They are just annoying as heck and only really contact us when they want something.

Ok, so what about all of this makes you think offering your 2 cents about BIL bringing his kids to his work site is a good idea? You think they’re annoying, and given your description of your relationship with them I would bet a million dollars that feeling is mutual.