Do only married men lack the ability to complete tasks? How do single men survive? Is every husband like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, this is my DH. I call him “80% [our last name]”. If you call him out on the missing 20%, he doesn’t hear it bc he’s pouting and waiting for his participation trophy.

omg.. this is a great way to put it.

[Anonymous]

I think in general, these things sound like what a “typical” man will do.

Or not do actually.

Men just not are wired as us women are to go the full mile w/things - especially as they pertain to the house + children.

Of course, w/every generalization there is always an exception to the rule & I fully acknowledge this.

However for the most part, men just do not think of everything that a Female does.

->> Also, your husband has the luxury of knowing that what he doesn’t complete, that his wife will.

[Anonymous]

You are not giving him adequate directions. You have done these things before (or something similar) and know the drill. He is trying and you need to share what you have learned so his success is enabled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in general, these things sound like what a “typical” man will do.

Or not do actually.

Men just not are wired as us women are to go the full mile w/things - especially as they pertain to the house + children.

Of course, w/every generalization there is always an exception to the rule & I fully acknowledge this.

However for the most part, men just do not think of everything that a Female does.

->> Also, your husband has the luxury of knowing that what he doesn’t complete, that his wife will.

My DH doesn’t have the follow through that I have with our kids, but he finishes everything to completion at home-

Will clean the whole kitchen, including stove after dinner

Will fold all clothes/linens and put them away

Will finish all the bills/input spending before watching TV

Will snake the sink/toilet right away instead of calling plumber

On & on. We divide and conquer, and it works for us. He’s not as clued in to the kid’s paper work, doctor appointments, sports schedules but he does a lot of heavy lifting. I’m sure your husband does too, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in general, these things sound like what a “typical” man will do.

Or not do actually.

Men just not are wired as us women are to go the full mile w/things - especially as they pertain to the house + children.

Of course, w/every generalization there is always an exception to the rule & I fully acknowledge this.

However for the most part, men just do not think of everything that a Female does.

->> Also, your husband has the luxury of knowing that what he doesn’t complete, that his wife will.

If he was the primary for the kids and house he would take care of everything to do with the kids and house. It’s not a hard or complex operation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh does a lot for the house and kids, but nothing seems ever done to completion. It seems to be the same (or even much less) with my friends husbands. People always tell me how thankful I should be for his effort, but it's hard when I'm still constantly getting the last puzzle pieces in.

Examples just from the last week:
-Kid had last day of camp and he picked her up, but didn't bring her Epi pen home so I had to go this morning and get it.
-He picked toddler up from in-home daycare on Friday, but didn't pay the lady so I had to go back and pay her.
-Said he was handling school orientation and put it on the calendar, but didn't actually log in and select time slots and now there's none left
-Went school supplies shopping but just defaulted to one of everything on the list when some multiples were needed (i.e. 2 boxes of Kleenex, 3 glue sticks)

I've been trying so hard over the years to not nag or micromanage, but dang I understand the wives that do everything themselves just so it gets done correctly the first time.

And yes, he's an exec at work, with 50+ people under him, manages tens of million dollars of budgets annually and highly regarded in his field.....but can't get the additional box of tissues ugh.

If you cover him for his mistakes, he has no incentive to try to always think through tasks and ensure completion. Make him go back to get the epi pen. Make him go back to pay the caregiver. Make him call the school for orientation. Make him go pick up the forgotten school supplies. You (and I) are not magically better at this stuff. It's because we do it everyday and we have learned to save ourselves time by being more thorough. Make him do the same.

[Anonymous]

I am flexible with my wife. On her birthday she can pick what she makes us for dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And yes, he's an exec at work, with 50+ people under him, manages tens of million dollars of budgets annually and highly regarded in his field.....but can't get the additional box of tissues ugh.

When I read this part of your post I thought to myself, yes, he does all this because of his team of behind-the-scenes women in admin positions who take care of all the details.

[Anonymous]

I'll conceded that men, on average, have more of a problem finishing these types of discrete tasks (buying 90% of the school supplies, but forgetting the rest).

But on the flip side, women, on average, have a problem finishing big picture tasks. DCUM is filled with women who went to well ranked colleges, top graduate programs, worked in one or two jobs for a total of 3-5 years, and then quit to stay home with babies. Basically, they put a good amount of effort into school and jobs - but only for ~2-3 years at a time. Which anyone who has a job knows means you barely skim the surface and can't really learn the ropes nor respond to any negative feedback to get better at it. It's just long enough for nothing to come back and bite you in the ass. And then they quit and spend the next 40 years on DCUM name dropping the law school they went to. Meanwhile, their DHs (and lots of other women) commit to 40+ years of a single career. Not every woman. And not every man. But way more women than men don't "complete" their career trajectories and half ass it at the 80% mark, and let their DHs take over paying the bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't he go back to get the Epi pen, and go back to pay the daycare lady, and go back to the store to get the multiples of school supplies needed? Why are you fixing his mistakes?

This. Stop fixing his mistakes. If it was his task to execute, he needs to complete it.

+100 once he has to circle back and keep doing the task over and over again, he will learn to do it right the first time. Don't fix his mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Usually when I don't finish simple tasks, its because my mind/energy is focused on the larger tasks and maintaining/performing well at my job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll conceded that men, on average, have more of a problem finishing these types of discrete tasks (buying 90% of the school supplies, but forgetting the rest).

But on the flip side, women, on average, have a problem finishing big picture tasks. DCUM is filled with women who went to well ranked colleges, top graduate programs, worked in one or two jobs for a total of 3-5 years, and then quit to stay home with babies. Basically, they put a good amount of effort into school and jobs - but only for ~2-3 years at a time. Which anyone who has a job knows means you barely skim the surface and can't really learn the ropes nor respond to any negative feedback to get better at it. It's just long enough for nothing to come back and bite you in the ass. And then they quit and spend the next 40 years on DCUM name dropping the law school they went to. Meanwhile, their DHs (and lots of other women) commit to 40+ years of stress of a single career to pay for everything. Not every woman. And not every man. But way more women than men don't "complete" their career trajectories and half ass it at the 80% mark, and let their DHs take over paying the bills.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know the answer either. I stopped finishing things for him, but those things linger forever.

Examples:
He cooked dinner for us. The pan he burnt meat in it is still sitting dirty. It’s been 3 weeks.

I wash and fold most laundry. I asked him to put towels and sheet away. They have been sitting in the basket for two weeks and keep getting shoved in corners when guests come, and clean laundry gets piled on them because we have no more baskets. Now there are 4 “clean” baskets which I’m sure I’ll have to dump out and reward and refold to start the process over.

He used a cast iron pan and it’s been sitting by the sink dirty ever since. Maybe two weeks? Three weeks?

He emptied the shower to scrub it. There is still soap scum in shower but he never put the shampoo and other items back and it’s been a month. He seems to have resorted to using a travel shampoo he found in my cupboard, and swiped my kid’s kid shampoo to use as body soap.

[Anonymous]

When my DH was single, he never cooked so nothing got dirty. And he had a house cleaner come every 2 weeks so he never even learned to change sheets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in general, these things sound like what a “typical” man will do.

Or not do actually.

Men just not are wired as us women are to go the full mile w/things - especially as they pertain to the house + children.

Of course, w/every generalization there is always an exception to the rule & I fully acknowledge this.

However for the most part, men just do not think of everything that a Female does.

->> Also, your husband has the luxury of knowing that what he doesn’t complete, that his wife will.

I mostly work with women so I'm trying to think if the men at the office are like this in their work life, not going the full mile. Certainly the one gay man I know is not, he's an amazingly diligent colleague.

What do other people say about their male colleagues?