MIL visiting, wants me to take PTO to sightsee

[Anonymous]

Book a tour for her. There are various bus companies and river boat tours.

Or self-guided Tours- any of the Smithsonians or Mt. Vernon, etc.

"Betty, I purchased a 4hr ticket on the DC Tourmobile/Duck Tours/whatever. You can hop-off/hop-on or just sit the whole time. The first bus is at 9am so I'll drop you off at the pick-up stop then."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Book a tour for her. There are various bus companies and river boat tours.

Or self-guided Tours- any of the Smithsonians or Mt. Vernon, etc.

"Betty, I purchased a 4hr ticket on the DC Tourmobile/Duck Tours/whatever. You can hop-off/hop-on or just sit the whole time. The first bus is at 9am so I'll drop you off at the pick-up stop then."

And then Venmo her a $ request to cover the cost. FFS I'm sorry. This whole situation would make me furious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Book a tour for her. There are various bus companies and river boat tours.

Or self-guided Tours- any of the Smithsonians or Mt. Vernon, etc.

"Betty, I purchased a 4hr ticket on the DC Tourmobile/Duck Tours/whatever. You can hop-off/hop-on or just sit the whole time. The first bus is at 9am so I'll drop you off at the pick-up stop then."

Do not do this. Then she’ll think OP is her travel agent.

[Anonymous]

Is there a coworking space you can go to while she’s there?

[Anonymous]

Can you visit your sister in Arizona and work from there those weeks? (Obviously, ASKING your sister first, because you're not a rude weirdo.)
You need to force the issue. This truly can't happen.

[Anonymous]

It seems like the MIL is not interested in visiting her son and DIL and is interested in a cheap vacation. Otherwise, she would change her tickets, so she could actually spend time with them.

[Anonymous]

You DH needs to handle this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL who lives in Phoenix, decided to book a ticket to DCA at the end of the month to stay with us for two weeks. She did not ask us about it prior to her booking this trip (she's done this before). We are relatively new to the area - moved here last September. She decided on a whim that she wants to come out here and sightsee, staying with us the whole time. Again, she did not ask us about this - nor even check if we would be in town. She called DH last night to tell him SURPRISE! I'm coming!

We moved here due to DH's job. We live in a 2 bed/2bath high rise apartment within walking distance to a metro stop that's two stops away from all the action of the national mall. I work remotely and DH has to travel a lot domestically. DH will be traveling for 3/4 of the time she decided to drop in. He told her this on the call and that this not an ideal time to come as no one will be around to take her to places (DH knows that I am tapped out of PTO for the year - we took a trip earlier and have another planned for late December). She told him that she thought I worked from home (I do) and could still take her around on my breaks... (???).

My MIL is extremely stubborn. When she gets something in her head, she's a bulldog and won't let go. DH asked her to reschedule her plane ticket and she said no. She wants to come later this month. He again told her that I am not available to sightsee with her, I can't be leaving to tour monuments on my 'breaks', so she will be hanging around the apartment. Terrific.

I guess there's nothing much we can do at this point. DH told her to reschedule, that he won't be here and that I have to work. She insists on coming. I don't want her hanging around the apartment when I'm trying to work. My work is very meeting-heavy so I am on the phone a lot. So I'm just venting. Looks like I have nearly 2 weeks alone, in the apartment, with my MIL, and weekends touring the National Mall again. Sigh.

What? No.

Sorry, but this falls 100% to your husband to tell her that this time does not work for her to visit and she can't come. Period.

"Mom, I'm not going to be here and Larla can't host right now. I need you to reschedule." Repeat as needed. Don't offer excuses or entertain her ideas that you're going to show her around on your breaks. He needs to be blunt and 100% direct.

If this does not work then you need to find a different place to work while she's there and leave the house and spend the day elsewhere to drive the point home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book a tour for her. There are various bus companies and river boat tours.

Or self-guided Tours- any of the Smithsonians or Mt. Vernon, etc.

"Betty, I purchased a 4hr ticket on the DC Tourmobile/Duck Tours/whatever. You can hop-off/hop-on or just sit the whole time. The first bus is at 9am so I'll drop you off at the pick-up stop then."

Do not do this. Then she’ll think OP is her travel agent.

It's better option than Op being her personal tour guide each day for which she has no time for.

Scheduled tours/drop-offs will guarantee MIL is out of the house for several hours so Op can breathe and get her work done.

[Anonymous]

If my DH didn't shut this down, I'd book myself into a hotel and work from there for the 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book a tour for her. There are various bus companies and river boat tours.

Or self-guided Tours- any of the Smithsonians or Mt. Vernon, etc.

"Betty, I purchased a 4hr ticket on the DC Tourmobile/Duck Tours/whatever. You can hop-off/hop-on or just sit the whole time. The first bus is at 9am so I'll drop you off at the pick-up stop then."

Do not do this. Then she’ll think OP is her travel agent.

It's better option than Op being her personal tour guide each day for which she has no time for.

Scheduled tours/drop-offs will guarantee MIL is out of the house for several hours so Op can breathe and get her work done.

No, it's not a better option. It basically signals to the MIL that OP and her H will tolerate her rudeness and accommodate her imposition. It's enabling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my DH didn't shut this down, I'd book myself into a hotel and work from there for the 2 weeks.

This. I’m all for being flexible and kind to family, but the MILs request in this case is beyond rude and over the top. Even if the timing of her arrival worked for OP’s DH, two weeks is WAY too long.

DH absolutely needs to shut this down and say that she can only visit for a week and it has to be a week that he is in town.

[Anonymous]

Say no now! Not only will it be hell but you’ll set a precedent that she can just announce when she’s coming and ignore not being invited. You also will have established that she can stay as long as two weeks which is way too long. By saying you can’t take PTO now, she’ll interpret this to mean as soon as you get PTO it’s basically hers.

It will be a thousand times worse when/if you have kids. Establish an adult relationship now. She comes only when she is invited. She can not expect you to use most of your PTO on entertaining her. There will never be a two week sightseeing trip.

I also seriously doubt that when your DH was a bachelor that he was burning through PTO hosting and sightseeing/shopping with his mom for two weeks. She’s got it in her mind that now that he is married she has a DIL to host her and cater to her because you don’t have anything better to do being a woman and all. You girls can be sightseeing and shopping buddies while the man works the real job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book a tour for her. There are various bus companies and river boat tours.

Or self-guided Tours- any of the Smithsonians or Mt. Vernon, etc.

"Betty, I purchased a 4hr ticket on the DC Tourmobile/Duck Tours/whatever. You can hop-off/hop-on or just sit the whole time. The first bus is at 9am so I'll drop you off at the pick-up stop then."

Do not do this. Then she’ll think OP is her travel agent.

It's better option than Op being her personal tour guide each day for which she has no time for.

Scheduled tours/drop-offs will guarantee MIL is out of the house for several hours so Op can breathe and get her work done.

No, it's not a better option. It basically signals to the MIL that OP and her H will tolerate her rudeness and accommodate her imposition. It's enabling.

What would be a better idea??

[Anonymous]

Why don't you offer alternative dates she can come when your husband is in town?