MIL visiting, wants me to take PTO to sightsee

[Anonymous]

If this were me I could easily see myself sayin “oh sure, it will be fine. MIL will be out all day and we’ll have dinner together, NBD. But then the reality is she’s knocking on your door asking where the toaster is. And she’s tired from yesterday’s sight seeing could you lend her the building pool pass. Then she’s locked herself out could you let her in please? The next day, could you drop her off I. The city before you start working? Maybe pick her up if it isn’t too much trouble (which of course it is but she’s the mother of you partner and you just want to be a good hostess when I. Reality she’s using your home as a free hotel and you as a gopher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea your mother in law sounds really unreasonable but I have zero sympathy for the work from homers whose home space has become cramped with work space and can no longer comfortably accommodate guests. If you worked in an office like a normal person you wouldn’t even have to see your MIL. You’d just go to work.

MIL here isn’t a guest. Nobody invited her. And even if OP had an office, it sounds like MIL would just sit in their apartment all day, and who wants that either?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Book her on some sightseeing tours so she can go by herself

Um, no. MIL is not OP’s problem. If MIL is able-bodied enough to travel without consulting her son or DIL, she is able-bodied enough to do her own damn planning. If DH is too much of a pushover to tell her not to come or to stay in a hotel, *HE* can do travel planning for her.

Stop.
Expecting.
Women.
To.
Deal.
With.
All.
The.
Family.
Crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - DH is calling her tonight when he gets home and will be talking to her. This is a difficult situation - some of you make it sound so easy, but the reality is, she is his mother and as easy as it is to say online to turn her away at the door, the reality is much more difficult.

We will see what goes on tonight during the phone call.

Actually sweetie, we do know. From experience. And what we know, from experience, is that being a pushover once makes it HARDER going forward. So we are trying to spare you that. From lived experience. You are welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this were me I could easily see myself sayin “oh sure, it will be fine. MIL will be out all day and we’ll have dinner together, NBD. But then the reality is she’s knocking on your door asking where the toaster is. And she’s tired from yesterday’s sight seeing could you lend her the building pool pass. Then she’s locked herself out could you let her in please? The next day, could you drop her off I. The city before you start working? Maybe pick her up if it isn’t too much trouble (which of course it is but she’s the mother of you partner and you just want to be a good hostess when I. Reality she’s using your home as a free hotel and you as a gopher.

Lol yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - DH is calling her tonight when he gets home and will be talking to her. This is a difficult situation - some of you make it sound so easy, but the reality is, she is his mother and as easy as it is to say online to turn her away at the door, the reality is much more difficult.

We will see what goes on tonight during the phone call.

Actually sweetie, we do know. From experience. And what we know, from experience, is that being a pushover once makes it HARDER going forward. So we are trying to spare you that. From lived experience. You are welcome.

Your message is legit but you lose points for being a rude b for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - DH is calling her tonight when he gets home and will be talking to her. This is a difficult situation - some of you make it sound so easy, but the reality is, she is his mother and as easy as it is to say online to turn her away at the door, the reality is much more difficult.

We will see what goes on tonight during the phone call.

We're grown ups. We all know about reality. An important part of being a grown up is speaking up and dealing with situations like this.

The woman is rude and entitled. Good luck letting her walk all over you.

[Anonymous]

Go work at the library,
DH takes time for his mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - DH is calling her tonight when he gets home and will be talking to her. This is a difficult situation - some of you make it sound so easy, but the reality is, she is his mother and as easy as it is to say online to turn her away at the door, the reality is much more difficult.

We will see what goes on tonight during the phone call.

Hopefully tonight's phone call straightens it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have dh look at his calendar and find a better block of time for her to come. This way it’s not saying no. It’s inviting her, just at a better time.

Agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go work at the library,
DH takes time for his mom.

You can't be constantly in meetings and talking at the library. Op has already said that she can't just move her work, and that her DH will be working away from home most of that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - DH is calling her tonight when he gets home and will be talking to her. This is a difficult situation - some of you make it sound so easy, but the reality is, she is his mother and as easy as it is to say online to turn her away at the door, the reality is much more difficult.

We will see what goes on tonight during the phone call.

Actually sweetie, we do know. From experience. And what we know, from experience, is that being a pushover once makes it HARDER going forward. So we are trying to spare you that. From lived experience. You are welcome.

Your message is legit but you lose points for being a rude b for no reason.

OP went out of her way to act like “oh it’s easy for you to say that” and discount our lived experience. She pulled the “reality” card. She’s dismissing our experience as if it wasn’t hard-earned. That is where the rudeness started. The ASSumption that we don’t know what we’re talking about is rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this were me I could easily see myself sayin “oh sure, it will be fine. MIL will be out all day and we’ll have dinner together, NBD. But then the reality is she’s knocking on your door asking where the toaster is. And she’s tired from yesterday’s sight seeing could you lend her the building pool pass. Then she’s locked herself out could you let her in please? The next day, could you drop her off I. The city before you start working? Maybe pick her up if it isn’t too much trouble (which of course it is but she’s the mother of you partner and you just want to be a good hostess when I. Reality she’s using your home as a free hotel and you as a gopher.

Lol yep.

+1

ITA. If she does still come, can you OP rent one of those shared office spaces while she's here?

Why should you be the one having to deal with her presence? I would just book the office space, and if your MIL asks, just say that you had to "travel" to work that week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one gets to “insist” on being with my home. Anyone who just showed up would be told that the nearest hotel is a Microtel.

You are allowing her to walk all over you. So guess what? You will get stomped on.

If you do allow her to walk through the door and stay in your home, you will have to deal with the consequence of YOUR CHOICE to allow her inside: she will complain, she will be around, there will be guilt trips.

Own your choice. Live your choice. But don’t come here to complain about it.

“Those dates don’t work for us, and you should not have assumed you could stay with us. Either change your trip, or stay in a hotel, because we cannot host you at that time.”

Seriously. So sick of women on DCUM incessantly complaining about what to do about their MIL. Have your damn husband deal with it and tell your MIL the above. If you are a total pushover that’s on you. Deal and tell your DH to get on it or stop venting. You’re embarrassing yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - DH is calling her tonight when he gets home and will be talking to her. This is a difficult situation - some of you make it sound so easy, but the reality is, she is his mother and as easy as it is to say online to turn her away at the door, the reality is much more difficult.

We will see what goes on tonight during the phone call.

Actually sweetie, we do know. From experience. And what we know, from experience, is that being a pushover once makes it HARDER going forward. So we are trying to spare you that. From lived experience. You are welcome.

Your message is legit but you lose points for being a rude b for no reason.

OP went out of her way to act like “oh it’s easy for you to say that” and discount our lived experience. She pulled the “reality” card. She’s dismissing our experience as if it wasn’t hard-earned. That is where the rudeness started. The ASSumption that we don’t know what we’re talking about is rude.

Oh please. Don't be a child. The OP wasn't dismissing your lived experience but pointing out that it IS difficult. No one is assuming you don't know what you're talking about. You should consider working on how personally you take things online, because the passive-aggressive "actually sweetie" attitude is what's making you look bad here, not your "lived experience."

The situation is difficult exactly because the MIL has ignored all soft communication and is forcing a confrontational conversation. She is banking on OP and her husband being more motivated to avoid that conversation than they are to avoid houseguests. Being called out like that is not fun or easy and it never feels good to be disrespected by family.