MIL visiting, wants me to take PTO to sightsee

[Anonymous]

My MIL who lives in Phoenix, decided to book a ticket to DCA at the end of the month to stay with us for two weeks. She did not ask us about it prior to her booking this trip (she's done this before). We are relatively new to the area - moved here last September. She decided on a whim that she wants to come out here and sightsee, staying with us the whole time. Again, she did not ask us about this - nor even check if we would be in town. She called DH last night to tell him SURPRISE! I'm coming!

We moved here due to DH's job. We live in a 2 bed/2bath high rise apartment within walking distance to a metro stop that's two stops away from all the action of the national mall. I work remotely and DH has to travel a lot domestically. DH will be traveling for 3/4 of the time she decided to drop in. He told her this on the call and that this not an ideal time to come as no one will be around to take her to places (DH knows that I am tapped out of PTO for the year - we took a trip earlier and have another planned for late December). She told him that she thought I worked from home (I do) and could still take her around on my breaks... (???).

My MIL is extremely stubborn. When she gets something in her head, she's a bulldog and won't let go. DH asked her to reschedule her plane ticket and she said no. She wants to come later this month. He again told her that I am not available to sightsee with her, I can't be leaving to tour monuments on my 'breaks', so she will be hanging around the apartment. Terrific.

I guess there's nothing much we can do at this point. DH told her to reschedule, that he won't be here and that I have to work. She insists on coming. I don't want her hanging around the apartment when I'm trying to work. My work is very meeting-heavy so I am on the phone a lot. So I'm just venting. Looks like I have nearly 2 weeks alone, in the apartment, with my MIL, and weekends touring the National Mall again. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Can you not tell her there is no room for her to stay with you? She can come if she books a hotel as you need the second room for your office?

Otherwise, do you have any co-working spaces nearby? Maybe you can "rent" a spot so you aren't there with her for the full 2wks?

[Anonymous]

No one gets to “insist” on being with my home. Anyone who just showed up would be told that the nearest hotel is a Microtel.

You are allowing her to walk all over you. So guess what? You will get stomped on.

If you do allow her to walk through the door and stay in your home, you will have to deal with the consequence of YOUR CHOICE to allow her inside: she will complain, she will be around, there will be guilt trips.

Own your choice. Live your choice. But don’t come here to complain about it.

“Those dates don’t work for us, and you should not have assumed you could stay with us. Either change your trip, or stay in a hotel, because we cannot host you at that time.”

[Anonymous]

Your DH needs to tell his mother that she cannot visit at this time and needs to reschedule her trip. It isn't a request.

[Anonymous]

Tell her where the metro stop is, show here the online schedule. Get dh to tell her that since she insists on coming now, she has to plan to be out of the house while you are working.

[Anonymous]

He needs to call her and tell her not to come because he won’t be here. He needs to be insistent even if he risks hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

Tell her (well, DH tell her) if she won't reschedule, to go sightsee on her own. There's no reason she can't if it's something actually important to her.

[Anonymous]

Put a stop to this now. If you let her come even though you and your DH have said no, she will continue this behavior for the rest of her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her (well, DH tell her) if she won't reschedule, to go sightsee on her own. There's no reason she can't if it's something actually important to her.

And lock yourself in whatever space you use to work, and have a headset on.

[Anonymous]

Put a lock on your office door, and a sign on it stating, "In a meeting. Do not disturb".

[Anonymous]

Sorry op. That sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her (well, DH tell her) if she won't reschedule, to go sightsee on her own. There's no reason she can't if it's something actually important to her.

And lock yourself in whatever space you use to work, and have a headset on.

Yes!

I posted earlier suggesting dh tell her to be out of the house during the day. I now think he needs to just tell her no, don't come right now. Don't plan trips without consulting with both of you first.

[Anonymous]

You guys need to tell her flat out she can not come stay with you. You can be as stubborn as she can. You don't have to allow people into your house that you don't want there. You can borrow my backbone until you find yours if you want.

[Anonymous]

Yea your mother in law sounds really unreasonable but I have zero sympathy for the work from homers whose home space has become cramped with work space and can no longer comfortably accommodate guests. If you worked in an office like a normal person you wouldn’t even have to see your MIL. You’d just go to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH needs to tell his mother that she cannot visit at this time and needs to reschedule her trip. It isn't a request.

This. It will be a nightmare for both of you if she comes, and she'll make it all your fault.