Son/DIL now have a ‘no adjoining room’ policy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can absolutely see how this situation started, possibly right here on DCUM.

DIL: "My in-laws like to come with us on vacation and they prefer adjoining rooms. We have never liked this arrangement because ILs are up really early and they wake up the kids no matter how 'quiet' they say they are. The kids need to sleep later than 5:30am. I don't know what to do."

DCUM: "Tell your MIL that you recently went on vacation and were assigned an adjoining room and it was really disruptive. Tell her that since this experience, you've changed your mind about the adjoining rooms being a good plan!"

It’s so funny you say that because I specifically remember a thread last year about in-laws knocking/waking the family up too early so the OP started refusing to tell the in-laws were their rooms were in the hotel building.

Yes! Didn't another family member change rooms and not tell the MIL? And the family had a sign on the door to not knock before a certain time and MIL still did it? It did seem over the top.

FWIW I was fine with adjoining rooms when our kid was under five. We sent him next door and my H and I got to snooze for another hour or so. But now our kid is 11 and there's no need so we just get our own rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell them, OP.

Despite what DCUM says, there are a lot of shades of gray between rolling over and doing whatever your son/DIL want and demanding that you have your way.

You can tell them that you still want adjoining rooms and why (cuddly time with grandkids), and then decide how hard to push it if they say no. It’s completely possible that they don’t realize this is a big deal to you.

Here’s and article on how to gage the situation and how forcefully to ask for something you want.

https://eymtherapy.com/blog/learn-to-say-no-dime-game/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a MIL, I can’t imagine wanting to be in an adjoining room with my son and DIL and their kids. My spouse and I would prefer to have some privacy, especially in a vacation situation.

How do you manage intimate time together with your spouse with your son, his wife, and their kids right there on the other side of the door? No thanks! My spouse and I would feel very uncomfortable in that situation, and it would affect our ability to enjoy each other. We would greatly prefer separate rooms, on different floors or wings of the hotel, if possible.

You can’t not be intimate (gag me) for a weekend trip?

People can also forgo food and water for a weekend; should they?

You need sex to survive? You should probably get that checked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a MIL, I can’t imagine wanting to be in an adjoining room with my son and DIL and their kids. My spouse and I would prefer to have some privacy, especially in a vacation situation.

How do you manage intimate time together with your spouse with your son, his wife, and their kids right there on the other side of the door? No thanks! My spouse and I would feel very uncomfortable in that situation, and it would affect our ability to enjoy each other. We would greatly prefer separate rooms, on different floors or wings of the hotel, if possible.

Honestly, if you want the kind of vacation you're describing, where you need to be floors away in order to "enjoy each other", why are you traveling with your child and their family? That is just weird. Go on your fun sex vacations alone!

What is wrong with having sex when we’re alone during a vacation with family? Are we supposed to not have sex just because we’re staying in the same hotel with extended family?

It’s perfectly possible to spend a nice vacation day with kids and grandkids and then retire to our own, not adjoining, room and have sex with each other. What is wrong with that?

There’s nothing wrong with it. But you’re posting on a board filled with women that only had sex to make children. Sex stopped once the goal was achieved.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised OP can so easily get adjoining rooms so often. I book 2 rooms for my family of 5 and we almost always have a problem getting them to adjoin even if we request it, book in advance, call and check, etc. The rooms are often next to each other but no adjoining door. This doesn't match my experience at all.

[Anonymous]

The back story is that your son and DIL have not enjoyed the adjoining concept, and finally hit on an excuse that they hope won't offend you.

[Anonymous]

You are being completely unreasonable OP. I would not do adjoining rooms with my parents or my ILs. No way, never ever, not a chance.

If you want the kids for “cuddle time” text the parents and/or go and knock on the door and pick the kids up and bring to your room- I’m sure son and DIL will be thrilled! Better yet take them for breakfast so son and DIL can sleep in. Or offer to have the kids sleep in your room one night. Lots of options.

[Anonymous]

OP, they have a preference. They get to enforce a preference.

Person above had some good suggestions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DIL is clearly a DCUM mom who is self-centered and hates her MIL. She probably logs on here and complains incessantly about you while all the other DCUM mom egg her on.

Don’t expect any support on this website.

Oh come on. Is wanting privacy on vacation really so awful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a MIL, I can’t imagine wanting to be in an adjoining room with my son and DIL and their kids. My spouse and I would prefer to have some privacy, especially in a vacation situation.

How do you manage intimate time together with your spouse with your son, his wife, and their kids right there on the other side of the door? No thanks! My spouse and I would feel very uncomfortable in that situation, and it would affect our ability to enjoy each other. We would greatly prefer separate rooms, on different floors or wings of the hotel, if possible.

You can’t not be intimate (gag me) for a weekend trip?

People can also forgo food and water for a weekend; should they?

You need sex to survive? You should probably get that checked out.

She doesn’t. She just wanted attention that she’s old but still has sex. She’s Not Like Other Grandmas, I tell you. She’s the main character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are being completely unreasonable OP. I would not do adjoining rooms with my parents or my ILs. No way, never ever, not a chance.

If you want the kids for “cuddle time” text the parents and/or go and knock on the door and pick the kids up and bring to your room- I’m sure son and DIL will be thrilled! Better yet take them for breakfast so son and DIL can sleep in. Or offer to have the kids sleep in your room one night. Lots of options.

TEXT ONLY. Do not call! Do not knock! Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a MIL, I can’t imagine wanting to be in an adjoining room with my son and DIL and their kids. My spouse and I would prefer to have some privacy, especially in a vacation situation.

How do you manage intimate time together with your spouse with your son, his wife, and their kids right there on the other side of the door? No thanks! My spouse and I would feel very uncomfortable in that situation, and it would affect our ability to enjoy each other. We would greatly prefer separate rooms, on different floors or wings of the hotel, if possible.

You can’t not be intimate (gag me) for a weekend trip?

People can also forgo food and water for a weekend; should they?

You need sex to survive? You should probably get that checked out.

She doesn’t. She just wanted attention that she’s old but still has sex. She’s Not Like Other Grandmas, I tell you. She’s the main character.

Wow, somebody has a problem with sex here, but I don’t think it’s Grandma.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. Who wants adjoining rooms with their in laws? Or even their parents?

Count your blessings that they even want to be in the same hotel as you and back the f off.

[Anonymous]

I travel with my parents on road trips to see relatives (I do all the driving.. they're getting a bit old for it). I book all our hotel rooms, and I usually email the hotel the day before to request _not_ to give us adjacent rooms. My parents are hard of hearing and keep the TV on at full blast.

[Anonymous]

This took an interesting turn. Is sex Grandma the same person as OP, who wants adjoining rooms? That’s what I want to know.