Son/DIL now have a ‘no adjoining room’ policy

[Anonymous]

When we travel with my son’s family, we usually get adjoining rooms so we can spend more time together, play board games with the kids, etc.

Recently, son’s family was on the road, and were randomly given a hotel room with an adjoining room with strangers. Apparently strangers were loud and son/DIL realized they could hear the other people’s TV, their loud talking was bothersome, so they ended up switching rooms at the hotel. Apparently it was some sort of revelation that adjoining rooms are noisy.

They now said for our upcoming trip that they would like to change the rooms to non-adjoining because “now that they think about it,” our early morning risings wake their kids up earlier. I never thought this was a problem since their kids just came into our room, but apparently son and DIL want to sleep and want the kids to sleep and want quieter rooms.

In my mind, this is a big deal because we won’t be able to see them as much and spend as much time together, especially kids. This is a hotel reservation that I usually make, but it is true son pays us back for his share. Now he says he’d rather book his own room anyway to get points.

Any ideas of how to gently suggest things stay the same?

[Anonymous]

This has to be a troll

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I wouldn’t want adjoining rooms with my MIL or DIL. You are traveling with them and that should be enough.

[Anonymous]

You just deal with the new change of rooms that don’t connect. Instead, offer to take a grandkid with you in your room each night. It can be a special sleepover for them and then you can still hang out in the morning while your son and DIL get to sleep in with the other grandkid(s).

[Anonymous]

You don’t gently suggest anything. They set a boundary and made it clear what works for their family and now you go with the flow. It may not seem like a big deal to you but overtired kids for days on end is a royal pita to deal with and can ruin vacations.

[Anonymous]

You can bring up your preference that you do get adjoining rooms, but ultimately if they prefer no adjoining rooms then that is that.

We used to do adjoining rooms but now we don’t because DH and I prefer a little more privacy and distance. The grandparents, specifically one of them, was constantly knocking on our door or coming through at all ours and it wasn’t enough privacy for our preference so now we usually get a room on a different floor. We still see extended family a ton on the trips but it is better to not have to stress about always being properly dressed etc… not sure if this applies in your kids situation but this was the main factor for us. Just privacy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll

+1 Agree

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t suggest it. There is literally 0% chance it will work and it will just annoy DIL and likely your son to. What’s the point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just deal with the new change of rooms that don’t connect. Instead, offer to take a grandkid with you in your room each night. It can be a special sleepover for them and then you can still hang out in the morning while your son and DIL get to sleep in with the other grandkid(s).

OP here. This is a great suggestion. Thank you. I will take your advice.

[Anonymous]

Your DIL is clearly a DCUM mom who is self-centered and hates her MIL. She probably logs on here and complains incessantly about you while all the other DCUM mom egg her on.

Don’t expect any support on this website.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t gently suggest anything. They set a boundary and made it clear what works for their family and now you go with the flow. It may not seem like a big deal to you but overtired kids for days on end is a royal pita to deal with and can ruin vacations.

THIS. And I'm usually very pro IL/grandparent time

[Anonymous]

"apparently son and DIL want to sleep and want the kids to sleep and want quieter rooms."

Re-read this part. Who doesn't want this on vacation?

This really shouldn't be an issue outside of sleeping hours. Make your plans with to hang out with the kids during non-sleeping hours.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why this is an issue. If you want to play cards, walk down the hall or meet in the lobby. How much time does anyone spend awake in their hotel room anyway? Hotel rooms are for sleeping, bathing and naps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DIL is clearly a DCUM mom who is self-centered and hates her MIL. She probably logs on here and complains incessantly about you while all the other DCUM mom egg her on.

Don’t expect any support on this website.

Sounds like for good reason.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are absolutely making a mistake if you “gently” try to suggest staying with adjoining rooms. Your son has told you what they plan to do (and the story they told you is BS - they’ve been wanting to get out of adjoining rooms with you for a while now). I’m just surprised it took this long for them to bring it up. No sane/ rationale couple wants to have adjoining rooms with the grandparents.

The only appropriate response is to say, “Of course - I totally understand! Let us know if there is anything we can do in the mornings to help. We’d be delighted to take the kids to breakfast while you and Larla pack up the room.”