2023: where will you move when your kids leave home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your relationship with your kids is important to you, and/or you’d like to see them at least semi-regularly now and in the future, move somewhere easy to travel to and make sure they have a comfortable place to stay when they visit. Most likely your kids won’t have a real home base after you move for years—try to make one in your new spot for them as much as possible.

I don’t think people always realize it, but the years after high school and into early 20s are pretty critical to start forming new traditions and expectations around time together that’ll stick with their kids even after they marry and have children of their own. We know two couples well that moved immediately after their kids were all out of the house and didn’t prioritize helping them afford to travel for Thanksgivings, etc. or setting a pattern of regular visits. Now they are often angry and wonder why they don’t see their grandkids often and why their kids don’t spend many holidays with them. It’s painful to hear about.

Not saying you shouldn’t move—or that adult children shouldn’t be expected to put in effort too!—just sharing something we’ve definitely noticed and kept in mind.

Thanks for this.

My family made little or no effort, even when I had kids. First Christmas after I had my first baby, there were no car rentals at the airport and I was worried about getting an Uber, so asked if anyone in my family would pick us up (hour) to airport. Everyone said no and was pissed I would even ask (with a 3 month old), then finally an uncle came and the entire ride back commented on how rude we were to dare ask anyone to pick us at the airport. Granted, another uncle always did it for his kids. I could go on and on and yet I always hear about how they don't know their grandkids...well they don't make an effort and I am tired of making 99.9% of it.

My in-laws are the total opposite, visit us a lot, offer to watch our kids so we might go away for a few days. They plan events when we come, we feel welcome, and they love our kids. They are moving full-time to their second home a bit more remote, but we are making the effort because they really tried with us in a variety of ways. Ways my family never has.

It makes me sad, but I don't want my kid being constantly let down by my family who expects so much of me, yet doesn't reciprocate ever. Yes, I have brought this up and people don't care.

But who moved away? I have one daughter who moved to Boston which ruined my family dynamic.

What?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your relationship with your kids is important to you, and/or you’d like to see them at least semi-regularly now and in the future, move somewhere easy to travel to and make sure they have a comfortable place to stay when they visit. Most likely your kids won’t have a real home base after you move for years—try to make one in your new spot for them as much as possible.

I don’t think people always realize it, but the years after high school and into early 20s are pretty critical to start forming new traditions and expectations around time together that’ll stick with their kids even after they marry and have children of their own. We know two couples well that moved immediately after their kids were all out of the house and didn’t prioritize helping them afford to travel for Thanksgivings, etc. or setting a pattern of regular visits. Now they are often angry and wonder why they don’t see their grandkids often and why their kids don’t spend many holidays with them. It’s painful to hear about.

Not saying you shouldn’t move—or that adult children shouldn’t be expected to put in effort too!—just sharing something we’ve definitely noticed and kept in mind.

Very true. The parents who do this typically weren't loving, involved parents when the kid was growing up either though. Moving away and not making an inviting place for the kids to visit is just a continuation of not prioritizing their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

We can't handle the heat and humidity any longer and our kids don't want to be here either.

+1

The DC is not a destination for most people, it is just a tiny sliver of a big journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

We can't handle the heat and humidity any longer and our kids don't want to be here either.

+1

The DC is not a destination for most people, it is just a tiny sliver of a big journey.

*area

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Florida or Wyoming.

'Cause, damn!, Florida and Wyoming are so similar!

Neither have an income tax.

But you won't be working because you are retired, right?

[Anonymous]

Rome. DD will go to college in Italy. Will stay in family lake cabin for six weeks every summer. If Trump is re-elected, may send her to high school there and work remotely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Florida or Wyoming.

'Cause, damn!, Florida and Wyoming are so similar!

Neither have an income tax.

But you won't be working because you are retired, right?

Various states don't tax pensions and various types of retirement income. Maryland does.

That aside, I'm guessing OP and her husband never made friends or put down roots in the area. I can see people being tired of the standard suburban lifestyle around DC but for me, the region has plenty of pros. Easy access to some of the best healthcare in the country if you need it, including specialists (don't underestimate how important this is when you age), weather is more mild than not, we don't get very cold winters nor too hot, nor even too humid summers. Airports close by. Arts and culture close by. I'd balance it out with a long visit to FL in the winters or a long spell in Maine in the summer. I'd find it very hard to move somewhere where I don't know anyone at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Florida or Wyoming.

'Cause, damn!, Florida and Wyoming are so similar!

Neither have an income tax.

But you won't be working because you are retired, right?

Income includes e.g. IRA and 401k withdrawals as well as Social Security payments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Florida or Wyoming.

'Cause, damn!, Florida and Wyoming are so similar!

Neither have an income tax.

But you won't be working because you are retired, right?

Various states don't tax pensions and various types of retirement income. Maryland does.

That aside, I'm guessing OP and her husband never made friends or put down roots in the area. I can see people being tired of the standard suburban lifestyle around DC but for me, the region has plenty of pros. Easy access to some of the best healthcare in the country if you need it, including specialists (don't underestimate how important this is when you age), weather is more mild than not, we don't get very cold winters nor too hot, nor even too humid summers. Airports close by. Arts and culture close by. I'd balance it out with a long visit to FL in the winters or a long spell in Maine in the summer. I'd find it very hard to move somewhere where I don't know anyone at that age.

Um, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

This area is so transient that many of our friends have already moved elsewhere. Plus, our pre-DC friends and family live all over. We will keep in touch with some DC people but many are friends of convenience - neighbors, parents from kids’ schools, etc. Our local friends have evolved a lot over the last 20 years ago.

Depending on what happens with VA politics in the next few years we might leave earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are moving to western Massachusetts.

This is one of the options we’re considering, though we might just stay in the DC area.

I *love* western Mass, but the quality of healthcare gives me pause. My husband’s aging parents live there now, and they end up going to Boston for a lot of their care.

The hospital in Northampton is part of Mass General-Brigham, it seems quite good. But, yes for something that requires a more specialized care, Boston is where we will go.

[Anonymous]

How about country and city, just more modestly than if you were picking one or the other?

[Anonymous]

I want to move to New Mexico or Arizona--and I'd especially like a planned 55+ community.
Dh wants Florida and also likes more isolated areas.

We have 4 kids; 3 have "flown" and one is a rising hs senior. The "flown" are currently in the Pittsburgh area, Colorado, and Ohio.
We still don't know where the high schooler will go to college, but he definitely isn't interested in NM, AZ, or FL (hates the heat!)

[Anonymous]

Mexico

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 years for us! Requirements (we haven't yet figured it out, but am watching this thread for ideas):
Blue state
Good medical care
Within 50 minutes of an International Airport
College town a plus, but not tiny college and not big state U
Would like to be on a natural lake, but not a deal breaker
4 seasons, ok if winters are miserable, we will head to Costa Rica or Puerto Rico for 2 months
Ok if summers are humid and miserable, we will head to Maine or Oregon for 2 months

Evanston, IL

I love Evanston, but it's not lower density or particularly naturally beautiful like OP wants.

Madison or Milwaukee Wisconsin are probably a better fit, but the winters are frigid and long.

Agreed! I was offering up this idea in response to another PP, not OP.