Wedding Gifts for future daughter in law

[Anonymous]

+1 to not overthinking it and just be a good MIL. My mother is the type to want to give gifts that will be treasured forever, to become heirlooms. Please don't. It puts too much pressure on the recipients, usually female, to keep stuff they don't really want or that no longer suit them

I will say, though, for people who are bashing quilts and upscale, classic handbags, my 20-something DDs asked for those exact things. My sister makes quilts and so they were 'custom' and the bags were Coach/LV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about an electronic picture frame? You can preload childhood pictures of your son, and current pictures of the couple maybe even conspire with her mother to get pictures from her childhood. (just them, though - there may be times they won’t want to look over and see you or other extended family members looking back. If they want you in the rotation, they can add you in). Then, over time, they can add pictures of the life they build together.

OMG. Could some young people please chime in??? No one besides my 80 year old mother wants this gift.

What is your suggestion?

Probably doesn’t have one.

Ok, young people, what would this bride like? Op said she likes to garden. Something to plant in honor of their wedding day?

My brilliant idea is to stop acting total strangers who are clearly much older online, and to simply ASK HER what she would want. Then LISTEN TO AND RESPECT what she says.

She may say a set of top-tier culinary knives. She may say a sculpture. She may say nothing, truly. She may say a trip to a luxury spa. She may say money to help pay off grad school loans. She may say an expensive camera. Whatever she says, you listen to her. Even if it is nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you get their wedding invitation framed?

No, do not do this. My MIL tried to do this, but it was a random stained glass framing not in the colors of our wedding—it was “bohemian” and extremely Renaissance Faire tacky. PLUS we had already gotten our invitation framed, and she knew it.

[Anonymous]

A nice planter that will last forever? Some exotic plant or tree that she wants to plant?

Lots of expensive outdoor stuff you could consider, depending on her particular interest. A nice bike? Skis? A smokeless fire pit? An outdoor pizza maker? Hiking gear?

Also, I know you said she doesn't wear jewelry. Did she specifically say no jewelry? Because I don't wear jewelry but I would have loved a nice piece from my MIL. Nice jewelry is about more than everyday wear.

[Anonymous]

I suggested a piece of art - and I stand by that suggestion as someone who is now a collector thanks to family who gave me art when I was just starting out. I would definitely discuss it with her (and your child) and choose something they both like that will be meaningful and enjoyed for their lives together.

[Anonymous]

It's nice of you to try, OP! Hopefully anything you get her will reflect your happiness that she is joining your family. If your child/her fiance could give you an overview of the things future DIL buys herself, you might get an idea of what she values.

My MIL is a very thing-oriented person and she really struggles with the fact that I don't wear jewelry and don't care at all about bags. I do spend a ton of money getting massages and on experiences. A lovely trip to a dayspa and a nice lunch with my MIL and mother would have been a fabulous gift for me leading up to the wedding. My MIL and I both love to read, so we connected a bit over that too, although our genres are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about an electronic picture frame? You can preload childhood pictures of your son, and current pictures of the couple maybe even conspire with her mother to get pictures from her childhood. (just them, though - there may be times they won’t want to look over and see you or other extended family members looking back. If they want you in the rotation, they can add you in). Then, over time, they can add pictures of the life they build together.

OMG. Could some young people please chime in??? No one besides my 80 year old mother wants this gift.

What is your suggestion?

Probably doesn’t have one.

Ok, young people, what would this bride like? Op said she likes to garden. Something to plant in honor of their wedding day?

My brilliant idea is to stop acting total strangers who are clearly much older online, and to simply ASK HER what she would want. Then LISTEN TO AND RESPECT what she says.

She may say a set of top-tier culinary knives. She may say a sculpture. She may say nothing, truly. She may say a trip to a luxury spa. She may say money to help pay off grad school loans. She may say an expensive camera. Whatever she says, you listen to her. Even if it is nothing.

I respectfully disagree with this sentiment. Yes be a good MIL and listen to her wishes as a normal course of everyday life. But for special event gifts, I think a big part of the point is that it comes as a surprise and from the thoughtfulness and intention of the giver. It should be received and given as such (no, it won't be exactly what you wanted but learn to appreciate it!).

[Anonymous]

My in-laws gave us $1500 to use to buy art. I loved having money for this purchase, although technocall6 we immediatel6 spent it on our honeymoon. It’s been years, many, and my in laws have passed and I want to buy the art now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about an electronic picture frame? You can preload childhood pictures of your son, and current pictures of the couple maybe even conspire with her mother to get pictures from her childhood. (just them, though - there may be times they won’t want to look over and see you or other extended family members looking back. If they want you in the rotation, they can add you in). Then, over time, they can add pictures of the life they build together.

OMG. Could some young people please chime in??? No one besides my 80 year old mother wants this gift.

What is your suggestion?

Probably doesn’t have one.

Ok, young people, what would this bride like? Op said she likes to garden. Something to plant in honor of their wedding day?

My brilliant idea is to stop acting total strangers who are clearly much older online, and to simply ASK HER what she would want. Then LISTEN TO AND RESPECT what she says.

She may say a set of top-tier culinary knives. She may say a sculpture. She may say nothing, truly. She may say a trip to a luxury spa. She may say money to help pay off grad school loans. She may say an expensive camera. Whatever she says, you listen to her. Even if it is nothing.

I respectfully disagree with this sentiment. Yes be a good MIL and listen to her wishes as a normal course of everyday life. But for special event gifts, I think a big part of the point is that it comes as a surprise and from the thoughtfulness and intention of the giver. It should be received and given as such (no, it won't be exactly what you wanted but learn to appreciate it!).

“Surprise! Here’s a painting that you hate. We both know you must display it prominently in your home, where it will be an everyday reminder that I wanted to be front and center in your life, and this was expensive so you’d better talk about it a lot.”

I would hate a painting and would love a donation to charity. It’s all so subjective. Ask her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A painting?

OP here. Nice idea. Thank you.

My mother has bought me paintings. Art is very personal. I’ve disliked everything she’s chosen. I would stick with something like a watch or take her to a gallery and have her choose her own paintings.

[Anonymous]

Hm. How about commissioning a local artist to paint something for them? The place they met, where they are getting married etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hm. How about commissioning a local artist to paint something for them? The place they met, where they are getting married etc.

Pp here: for clarity have the couple choose what they want painted.

[Anonymous]

I admit, I'm reading this thread definitely thinking a bunch of boomer's are bouncing these gift ideas off of each other... a kneeling gardening bench? A quilt? A chain strap quilted Chanel bag? Fancy hair clip? Just...no. I don't know what the answer is, but it's none of these things.

It’s you that is not “in the know.” The classic Chanel bag is quilted with a chain strap. I have four DDs ages 23-31 and they would all LOVE a Chanel bag - they borrow mine whenever they need a nice bag.

OP, a black Chanel wallet-on-chain with gold hardware would be used for years and are very popular with younger crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about an electronic picture frame? You can preload childhood pictures of your son, and current pictures of the couple maybe even conspire with her mother to get pictures from her childhood. (just them, though - there may be times they won’t want to look over and see you or other extended family members looking back. If they want you in the rotation, they can add you in). Then, over time, they can add pictures of the life they build together.

Omg 😂

I disagree with you and would have loved this gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hm. How about commissioning a local artist to paint something for them? The place they met, where they are getting married etc.

This is even worse, as it will have no resale value. Depending on the artist and the subject, it sounds like this could by tacky as hell.

Honestly, talk to her, or at least to your son. And listen. A lot of women these days hate “stuff” and clutter. I did not register for china, because DH and I have the current and future albatrosses of all the “stuff” from my parents and DH’s parents hanging around our necks. We spend a lot of time thinking about how we’re eventually going to have to work for weeks to give it all away, donate, throw away, recycle, etc. I don’t know why older people think more, more more stuff is always the answer.