I said something really stupid/insensitive to gf and now she’s given me an ultimatum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you say that if it wasn’t true?

I thought because she was going to leave me. When she points out something that I’ve done wrong I get angry. I get angry because I’m scared. Im scared because I think that she’s going to leave me. I know I’ll never do better than her. Even my friends have told me she’s the best that im going to get. Im very attractive, make really good money, I can retire by the time I’m 45 if I’d like, I own a home, have a lot of friends but even even she lapses me in everything in life, which I love that about her. No one I have ever dated was even half as good as her. Everyone in my camp loves her and they know she’s amazing. So, I was afraid she’d leave so I guess I was trying to beat her to the punch?

How old are you guys?

33

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get really worked up sometimes and lash out and say things I don’t mean. I know I have this issue and I’m working on it. Well, I told my girlfriend, or I guess ex now, that she didn’t make me happy and that we should go out separate ways. That’s not true at all, I love her more than anything and want to marry her. She simply said “okay” and she hasn’t contacted me once since this happened a month ago. She’s removed me from all social media and has taken down every picture of us - we were together for 4 years.

I’ve contacted her multiple times since then but she’s replied nicely but curt. Yesterday, my sister came into town and I asked her if she wanted to join us. She said, “you said I don’t make you happy and that we needed to go our separate ways, so I’m not sure why you continue contact me. We’re not friends. So, unless you’re contacting me with an enormous apology, have gone to therapy for a while, and with a receipt for a down payment for a ring please don’t contact me anymore”. Needless to say I was left speechless. I completely understand where she’s coming from since I royally screwed up. However, I was always told never give in to someone’s ultimatum because it’s manipulation. I also don’t want to lose her though.

What are your thoughts on ultimatums/this ultimatum?

Omg, you again?

Stop harassing her, you guys broke up five posts ago and last month.

I know. he keeps posting over and over again.

I haven’t.

Yes, you have. Several of us remember. There can't be two of you. No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait I’m sorry lmfao. I didn’t even read the rest of the replies to this thread only your op, because your op is so beyond batshit. So. You dumped her, invited her to hang out, she declined because you’re no longer together, and now you think SHE is being manipulative?

You really are out to lunch, OP. I thought the avoidant guy from the other day was bad but at least he has a dead mom and some dysfunctional relationships that would lead to that behavior. You just sound like an ass.

No I don’t think she is being manipulative. I was pointing out how I was always told to not give into ultimatums because it’s a manipulative tactic.

She didn’t give you an ultimatum. An ultimatum is “If you don’t X, I will Y.” She set a boundary: “Do not do X unless you also do Y.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get really worked up sometimes and lash out and say things I don’t mean. I know I have this issue and I’m working on it. Well, I told my girlfriend, or I guess ex now, that she didn’t make me happy and that we should go out separate ways. That’s not true at all, I love her more than anything and want to marry her. She simply said “okay” and she hasn’t contacted me once since this happened a month ago. She’s removed me from all social media and has taken down every picture of us - we were together for 4 years.

I’ve contacted her multiple times since then but she’s replied nicely but curt. Yesterday, my sister came into town and I asked her if she wanted to join us. She said, “you said I don’t make you happy and that we needed to go our separate ways, so I’m not sure why you continue contact me. We’re not friends. So, unless you’re contacting me with an enormous apology, have gone to therapy for a while, and with a receipt for a down payment for a ring please don’t contact me anymore”. Needless to say I was left speechless. I completely understand where she’s coming from since I royally screwed up. However, I was always told never give in to someone’s ultimatum because it’s manipulation. I also don’t want to lose her though.

What are your thoughts on ultimatums/this ultimatum?

Omg, you again?

Stop harassing her, you guys broke up five posts ago and last month.

I know. he keeps posting over and over again.

I haven’t.

Yes, you have. Several of us remember. There can't be two of you. No way.

Again, I haven’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get really worked up sometimes and lash out and say things I don’t mean. I know I have this issue and I’m working on it. Well, I told my girlfriend, or I guess ex now, that she didn’t make me happy and that we should go out separate ways. That’s not true at all, I love her more than anything and want to marry her. She simply said “okay” and she hasn’t contacted me once since this happened a month ago. She’s removed me from all social media and has taken down every picture of us - we were together for 4 years.

I’ve contacted her multiple times since then but she’s replied nicely but curt. Yesterday, my sister came into town and I asked her if she wanted to join us. She said, “you said I don’t make you happy and that we needed to go our separate ways, so I’m not sure why you continue contact me. We’re not friends. So, unless you’re contacting me with an enormous apology, have gone to therapy for a while, and with a receipt for a down payment for a ring please don’t contact me anymore”. Needless to say I was left speechless. I completely understand where she’s coming from since I royally screwed up. However, I was always told never give in to someone’s ultimatum because it’s manipulation. I also don’t want to lose her though.

What are your thoughts on ultimatums/this ultimatum?

Omg, you again?

Stop harassing her, you guys broke up five posts ago and last month.

I know. he keeps posting over and over again.

I haven’t.

Yes, you have. Several of us remember. There can't be two of you. No way.

Are you talking about the avoidant guy who posted yesterday? I actually don’t think they’re the same. That guy at least doesn’t seem to want to hurt his gf. This guy is delusional.

[Anonymous]

OP- I knew a guy like you once. I was crushed one day after 1.5 years of dating when I called him and he told me to go have a nice life. He seemed confused when he called a few days later and I told him never to contact me again.

I never felt I gave him an ultimatum. I always felt (and still do) that I helped make his words and wishes a reality.

BTW, that guy married the next girl he was with, and he is now divorced.

Get some help OP. At the very least, there are emotional issues you are not able to express in an adult way. If you start a marriage like this, it most likely won’t end well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get really worked up sometimes and lash out and say things I don’t mean. I know I have this issue and I’m working on it. Well, I told my girlfriend, or I guess ex now, that she didn’t make me happy and that we should go out separate ways. That’s not true at all, I love her more than anything and want to marry her. She simply said “okay” and she hasn’t contacted me once since this happened a month ago. She’s removed me from all social media and has taken down every picture of us - we were together for 4 years.

I’ve contacted her multiple times since then but she’s replied nicely but curt. Yesterday, my sister came into town and I asked her if she wanted to join us. She said, “you said I don’t make you happy and that we needed to go our separate ways, so I’m not sure why you continue contact me. We’re not friends. So, unless you’re contacting me with an enormous apology, have gone to therapy for a while, and with a receipt for a down payment for a ring please don’t contact me anymore”. Needless to say I was left speechless. I completely understand where she’s coming from since I royally screwed up. However, I was always told never give in to someone’s ultimatum because it’s manipulation. I also don’t want to lose her though.

What are your thoughts on ultimatums/this ultimatum?

Omg, you again?

Stop harassing her, you guys broke up five posts ago and last month.

I know. he keeps posting over and over again.

I haven’t.

Yes, you have. Several of us remember. There can't be two of you. No way.

Are you talking about the avoidant guy who posted yesterday? I actually don’t think they’re the same. That guy at least doesn’t seem to want to hurt his gf. This guy is delusional.

No, this dude posts this same thing every few months.

[Anonymous]

No, OP. Just no. You are the one being manipulative here. Her "ultimatum" is her setting a boundary with you, informing you what sorts of actions you would need to have already taken before she will be willing to engage with you again.

That you used a car breakin insurance claim as an excuse to talk to her IS manipulative. Breaking up with someone when you don't want to actually break up IS manipulative. Telling your ex-boyfriend to stop contacting you is setting a boundary, not issuing an ultimatum.

Frankly, if you contact her again, I hope she gets a restraining order. You are way, way out of line, and it doesn't seem like you realize that at all.

[Anonymous]

She didn’t give you an ultimatum. You broke up with her! She told you her conditions for getting back together. Honestly, she should keep communications closed; she clearly dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you say that if it wasn’t true?

I thought because she was going to leave me. When she points out something that I’ve done wrong I get angry. I get angry because I’m scared. Im scared because I think that she’s going to leave me. I know I’ll never do better than her. Even my friends have told me she’s the best that im going to get. Im very attractive, make really good money, I can retire by the time I’m 45 if I’d like, I own a home, have a lot of friends but even even she lapses me in everything in life, which I love that about her. No one I have ever dated was even half as good as her. Everyone in my camp loves her and they know she’s amazing. So, I was afraid she’d leave so I guess I was trying to beat her to the punch?

That is messed up!!!

[Anonymous]

Your behaviors are those of an abuser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you say that if it wasn’t true?

I thought because she was going to leave me. When she points out something that I’ve done wrong I get angry. I get angry because I’m scared. Im scared because I think that she’s going to leave me. I know I’ll never do better than her. Even my friends have told me she’s the best that im going to get. Im very attractive, make really good money, I can retire by the time I’m 45 if I’d like, I own a home, have a lot of friends but even even she lapses me in everything in life, which I love that about her. No one I have ever dated was even half as good as her. Everyone in my camp loves her and they know she’s amazing. So, I was afraid she’d leave so I guess I was trying to beat her to the punch?

That is messed up!!!

NP,
It’s not messed up it’s anxious attachment, which he needs therapy for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get really worked up sometimes and lash out and say things I don’t mean. I know I have this issue and I’m working on it. Well, I told my girlfriend, or I guess ex now, that she didn’t make me happy and that we should go out separate ways. That’s not true at all, I love her more than anything and want to marry her. She simply said “okay” and she hasn’t contacted me once since this happened a month ago. She’s removed me from all social media and has taken down every picture of us - we were together for 4 years.

I’ve contacted her multiple times since then but she’s replied nicely but curt. Yesterday, my sister came into town and I asked her if she wanted to join us. She said, “you said I don’t make you happy and that we needed to go our separate ways, so I’m not sure why you continue contact me. We’re not friends. So, unless you’re contacting me with an enormous apology, have gone to therapy for a while, and with a receipt for a down payment for a ring please don’t contact me anymore”. Needless to say I was left speechless. I completely understand where she’s coming from since I royally screwed up. However, I was always told never give in to someone’s ultimatum because it’s manipulation. I also don’t want to lose her though.

What are your thoughts on ultimatums/this ultimatum?

Hell yes. I like her. You sound like a mess and she dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get really worked up sometimes and lash out and say things I don’t mean. I know I have this issue and I’m working on it. Well, I told my girlfriend, or I guess ex now, that she didn’t make me happy and that we should go out separate ways. That’s not true at all, I love her more than anything and want to marry her. She simply said “okay” and she hasn’t contacted me once since this happened a month ago. She’s removed me from all social media and has taken down every picture of us - we were together for 4 years.

I’ve contacted her multiple times since then but she’s replied nicely but curt. Yesterday, my sister came into town and I asked her if she wanted to join us. She said, “you said I don’t make you happy and that we needed to go our separate ways, so I’m not sure why you continue contact me. We’re not friends. So, unless you’re contacting me with an enormous apology, have gone to therapy for a while, and with a receipt for a down payment for a ring please don’t contact me anymore”. Needless to say I was left speechless. I completely understand where she’s coming from since I royally screwed up. However, I was always told never give in to someone’s ultimatum because it’s manipulation. I also don’t want to lose her though.

What are your thoughts on ultimatums/this ultimatum?

Omg, you again?

Stop harassing her, you guys broke up five posts ago and last month.

I know. he keeps posting over and over again.

I haven’t.

Cray cray

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you say that if it wasn’t true?

I thought because she was going to leave me. When she points out something that I’ve done wrong I get angry. I get angry because I’m scared. Im scared because I think that she’s going to leave me. I know I’ll never do better than her. Even my friends have told me she’s the best that im going to get. Im very attractive, make really good money, I can retire by the time I’m 45 if I’d like, I own a home, have a lot of friends but even even she lapses me in everything in life, which I love that about her. No one I have ever dated was even half as good as her. Everyone in my camp loves her and they know she’s amazing. So, I was afraid she’d leave so I guess I was trying to beat her to the punch?

Stop stop stop. Don’t date anyone anymore, there’s something seriously wrong with you.