I said something really stupid/insensitive to gf and now she’s given me an ultimatum

Anonymous
You screwed up and she took you at your word. She knows she has the leverage and while I’d normally say the way she’s going for the jugular when she knows she has the power is a huge red flag, after 4 years, she’s probably been more than patient and shown you plenty of grace. Time for you to make a decision.
Anonymous
She's mad she gave you 4 years of her life. You don't seem to be sorry. This is bigger than you getting worked up and saying something you didn't mean.

If I were her friend, I'd tell her to move on because you seem pretty far from ready to marry.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I think her giving you this ultimatum was not a great idea because frankly she should have ignored your calls and texts completely. She is doing you a kindness by bothering to respond. You should respond and tell her that you are sorry for mistreating her, but you are not ready for therapy or a ring. Wish her well and say farewell.


Well the first time I reached out was because of the shootings at the graduations in Richmond (her cousin was graduating), so I checked to make sure everyone was okay. The second time I used her insurance claim as an excuse to talk to her. Her car got broken into two days in a row 2 days before we broke up and she listed me as a witness. The third time when I contacted her to invite her out that’s when she gave me the ultimatum.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You screwed up and she took you at your word. She knows she has the leverage and while I’d normally say the way she’s going for the jugular when she knows she has the power is a huge red flag, after 4 years, she’s probably been more than patient and shown you plenty of grace. Time for you to make a decision.


Does she really know that she has the leverage though? He just told her she didn’t make her happy and he broke up with her lol. I don’t believe she has much leverage at all. She is setting boundaries and limiting OP’s access to her though.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think her giving you this ultimatum was not a great idea because frankly she should have ignored your calls and texts completely. She is doing you a kindness by bothering to respond. You should respond and tell her that you are sorry for mistreating her, but you are not ready for therapy or a ring. Wish her well and say farewell.


Well the first time I reached out was because of the shootings at the graduations in Richmond (her cousin was graduating), so I checked to make sure everyone was okay. The second time I used her insurance claim as an excuse to talk to her. Her car got broken into two days in a row 2 days before we broke up and she listed me as a witness. The third time when I contacted her to invite her out that’s when she gave me the ultimatum.


So 3 times and none of them were to apologize. Or talk about the actual issue at hand.
Anonymous
I feel bad for her that she wasted 4 years with you. That’s valuable time in her life. I hope she finds someone better quickly!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think her giving you this ultimatum was not a great idea because frankly she should have ignored your calls and texts completely. She is doing you a kindness by bothering to respond. You should respond and tell her that you are sorry for mistreating her, but you are not ready for therapy or a ring. Wish her well and say farewell.


Well the first time I reached out was because of the shootings at the graduations in Richmond (her cousin was graduating), so I checked to make sure everyone was okay. The second time I used her insurance claim as an excuse to talk to her. Her car got broken into two days in a row 2 days before we broke up and she listed me as a witness. The third time when I contacted her to invite her out that’s when she gave me the ultimatum.


So 3 times and none of them were to apologize. Or talk about the actual issue at hand.


I want to do it in person that’s why. I feel like a text or an email isn’t personable enough.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think her giving you this ultimatum was not a great idea because frankly she should have ignored your calls and texts completely. She is doing you a kindness by bothering to respond. You should respond and tell her that you are sorry for mistreating her, but you are not ready for therapy or a ring. Wish her well and say farewell.


Well the first time I reached out was because of the shootings at the graduations in Richmond (her cousin was graduating), so I checked to make sure everyone was okay. The second time I used her insurance claim as an excuse to talk to her. Her car got broken into two days in a row 2 days before we broke up and she listed me as a witness. The third time when I contacted her to invite her out that’s when she gave me the ultimatum.


So 3 times and none of them were to apologize. Or talk about the actual issue at hand.


I want to do it in person that’s why. I feel like a text or an email isn’t personable enough.


You're messing around with her. Don't worry about in person. How about immediately. But you messed around with her for 4 years, so I guess par for the course.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I get really worked up sometimes and lash out and say things I don’t mean. I know I have this issue and I’m working on it. Well, I told my girlfriend, or I guess ex now, that she didn’t make me happy and that we should go out separate ways. That’s not true at all, I love her more than anything and want to marry her. She simply said “okay” and she hasn’t contacted me once since this happened a month ago. She’s removed me from all social media and has taken down every picture of us - we were together for 4 years.

I’ve contacted her multiple times since then but she’s replied nicely but curt. Yesterday, my sister came into town and I asked her if she wanted to join us. She said, “you said I don’t make you happy and that we needed to go our separate ways, so I’m not sure why you continue contact me. We’re not friends. So, unless you’re contacting me with an enormous apology, have gone to therapy for a while, and with a receipt for a down payment for a ring please don’t contact me anymore”. Needless to say I was left speechless. I completely understand where she’s coming from since I royally screwed up. However, I was always told never give in to someone’s ultimatum because it’s manipulation. I also don’t want to lose her though.

What are your thoughts on ultimatums/this ultimatum?


Omg, you again?

Stop harassing her, you guys broke up five posts ago and last month.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I get really worked up sometimes and lash out and say things I don’t mean. I know I have this issue and I’m working on it. Well, I told my girlfriend, or I guess ex now, that she didn’t make me happy and that we should go out separate ways. That’s not true at all, I love her more than anything and want to marry her. She simply said “okay” and she hasn’t contacted me once since this happened a month ago. She’s removed me from all social media and has taken down every picture of us - we were together for 4 years.

I’ve contacted her multiple times since then but she’s replied nicely but curt. Yesterday, my sister came into town and I asked her if she wanted to join us. She said, “you said I don’t make you happy and that we needed to go our separate ways, so I’m not sure why you continue contact me. We’re not friends. So, unless you’re contacting me with an enormous apology, have gone to therapy for a while, and with a receipt for a down payment for a ring please don’t contact me anymore”. Needless to say I was left speechless. I completely understand where she’s coming from since I royally screwed up. However, I was always told never give in to someone’s ultimatum because it’s manipulation. I also don’t want to lose her though.

What are your thoughts on ultimatums/this ultimatum?

So you think SHE’s manipulating YOU?

What are you, a con artist?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Four years? Let her go. Move on. Sounds like you are not a good fit for eachother and bring out the worst in eachother. These are not behaviors (on either side) you want to lock in for life. It’s very hard to change a dynamic between two people. Time for you both to move on.


I hate when I hear someone say this. Please stop placing the blame on a partner when this is an individual’s problem. No one can make you a worse version of yourself except yourself. OP is a jerk. His girlfriend didn’t bring that out of him, that was something that was already there. Language like this makes it seem like if he finds a new/different partner his relationships will magically be better. No they won’t. In fact, they’ll all be the same until he gets therapy.


What? No. Different people DO bring out different sides of others. All relationship dynamics are NOT the same -- they are affected by the person you're involved with.


Unless they are, due to the dysfunctional, unhealthy, and high conflict individual.

Then it’s up to the healthy functional partner to ID what’s actually going on and exit safely.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I think her giving you this ultimatum was not a great idea because frankly she should have ignored your calls and texts completely. She is doing you a kindness by bothering to respond. You should respond and tell her that you are sorry for mistreating her, but you are not ready for therapy or a ring. Wish her well and say farewell.


She didn’t give him an ultimatum or a path forward.
She’s done. This has already been covered in OPs previous posts.

op needs to cease and desist, move on, ideally stop dating entirely. Op is a basket case.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I get really worked up sometimes and lash out and say things I don’t mean. I know I have this issue and I’m working on it. Well, I told my girlfriend, or I guess ex now, that she didn’t make me happy and that we should go out separate ways. That’s not true at all, I love her more than anything and want to marry her. She simply said “okay” and she hasn’t contacted me once since this happened a month ago. She’s removed me from all social media and has taken down every picture of us - we were together for 4 years.

I’ve contacted her multiple times since then but she’s replied nicely but curt. Yesterday, my sister came into town and I asked her if she wanted to join us. She said, “you said I don’t make you happy and that we needed to go our separate ways, so I’m not sure why you continue contact me. We’re not friends. So, unless you’re contacting me with an enormous apology, have gone to therapy for a while, and with a receipt for a down payment for a ring please don’t contact me anymore”. Needless to say I was left speechless. I completely understand where she’s coming from since I royally screwed up. However, I was always told never give in to someone’s ultimatum because it’s manipulation. I also don’t want to lose her though.

What are your thoughts on ultimatums/this ultimatum?


Omg, you again?

Stop harassing her, you guys broke up five posts ago and last month.



I know. he keeps posting over and over again.
Anonymous
Op is psychotic.
Anonymous
Stop harassing this woman. Move on and do better in your next relationship.
Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Go to: