Drinks with female colleague

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t be ok with it and DH wouldn’t be ok with me doing it, either. Group drinks? Fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she’s married but works for him and is 5-10 years younger?

The colleague could be me. I’ve been married to my wife for several years now. I would have no interest in your husband/my colleague.

Okay, what if she is straight and attractive?

So what if she is? The question is why are you so insecure that you’re asking some anonymous board. Grow up. Either you trust him and the foundation of your marriage or you don’t. It’s just a drink.

Just stupid guy here but you sound awfully naive. Just sayin'

NP. People who are going to break the boundaries are going to do that. Spouses shouldn’t be in the position of putting leashes on them. So, yes, it happens. But with the people who do it, seems like they were going to stray given the opportunity.

LOL. You would think, right? When your di*k gets the control stick, game over. Women's mistake, IMHO, is that you seem to think there are two groups of guys. There isn't. Your faithful husband will be faithful no more if the mood is right. Don't get me wrong, i have never done it to my wife and i am aware enough not to put myself in that situation.

That’s the key issue though, right? You take steps to control yourself. Dude, I just cannot be married if I have to treat my husband like a little boy who doesn’t know he’s going to need to keep
Himself out of trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she’s married but works for him and is 5-10 years younger?

The colleague could be me. I’ve been married to my wife for several years now. I would have no interest in your husband/my colleague.

Okay, what if she is straight and attractive?

So what if she is? The question is why are you so insecure that you’re asking some anonymous board. Grow up. Either you trust him and the foundation of your marriage or you don’t. It’s just a drink.

Just stupid guy here but you sound awfully naive. Just sayin'

NP. People who are going to break the boundaries are going to do that. Spouses shouldn’t be in the position of putting leashes on them. So, yes, it happens. But with the people who do it, seems like they were going to stray given the opportunity.

LOL. You would think, right? When your di*k gets the control stick, game over. Women's mistake, IMHO, is that you seem to think there are two groups of guys. There isn't. Your faithful husband will be faithful no more if the mood is right. Don't get me wrong, i have never done it to my wife and i am aware enough not to put myself in that situation.

That’s the key issue though, right? You take steps to control yourself. Dude, I just cannot be married if I have to treat my husband like a little boy who doesn’t know he’s going to need to keep
Himself out of trouble.

And that's fair. Now you know why divorce rate is so high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she’s married but works for him and is 5-10 years younger?

The colleague could be me. I’ve been married to my wife for several years now. I would have no interest in your husband/my colleague.

Okay, what if she is straight and attractive?

So what if she is? The question is why are you so insecure that you’re asking some anonymous board. Grow up. Either you trust him and the foundation of your marriage or you don’t. It’s just a drink.

Just stupid guy here but you sound awfully naive. Just sayin'

NP. People who are going to break the boundaries are going to do that. Spouses shouldn’t be in the position of putting leashes on them. So, yes, it happens. But with the people who do it, seems like they were going to stray given the opportunity.

LOL. You would think, right? When your di*k gets the control stick, game over. Women's mistake, IMHO, is that you seem to think there are two groups of guys. There isn't. Your faithful husband will be faithful no more if the mood is right. Don't get me wrong, i have never done it to my wife and i am aware enough not to put myself in that situation.

Well said. People who care about their marriage and children simply don’t put themselves in “that” situation. Period.

[Anonymous]

Is the answer different if the spouse at home has high libido and is interested in their partner vs low libido and doesn't get along?

[Anonymous]

I have drinks or lunch with male colleagues alone a few times a year. Not remotely interested in any of them, but great way to get caught up on firm gossip/politics. None of them have ever acted inappropriately towards me either during these interactions, my DH does not care. My DH mentors younger women in his group, so will end up getting lunch with them alone on occasion, though usually not drinks (I wouldn’t object to that though, he just doesn’t like to stay after work). I’m perfectly fine with it too.

[Anonymous]

^^i would add that if it were more of a regular thing, maybe would raise more concerns. But once in a while is fine. I also used to have a few male friends/colleague who was a good friend in our pre-child days, and we would get dinner and drinks once a month or so alone, and my DH had other friends and other plans he preferred to go to instead. Also no issues at all.

[Anonymous]

Hard no to this.

It's one thing for a bunch of people from the office to get together now and then as a group. It's very different one on one.

Even if nothing is happening, this shows a desire to spend more time with her and is likely becoming closer. They already spend all day together and now they're spending several hours in the evening. This could be emotionally cheating.

[Anonymous]

No. Affairs start incrementally.

This is why Pence does not have drinks or dinner alone with one woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Affairs start incrementally.

This is why Pence does not have drinks or dinner alone with one woman.

I was just about to say I am surprised at how many people follow the Pence rule here.

[Anonymous]

Drinks with more than one business associate is okay.

Drinks with one business associate of the opposite sex is not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have drinks or lunch with male colleagues alone a few times a year. Not remotely interested in any of them, but great way to get caught up on firm gossip/politics. None of them have ever acted inappropriately towards me either during these interactions, my DH does not care. My DH mentors younger women in his group, so will end up getting lunch with them alone on occasion, though usually not drinks (I wouldn’t object to that though, he just doesn’t like to stay after work). I’m perfectly fine with it too.

I don't think anyone is suggesting OP's DH will end up in bed with his coworker 100%. I mean even Russian roulette has 67% chance of surviving. But this behavior raises unnecessary risks to their marriage. Who knows maybe you just haven't met your soul mate yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Affairs start incrementally.

This is why Pence does not have drinks or dinner alone with one woman.

I was just about to say I am surprised at how many people follow the Pence rule here.

Because it is a safe rule to safeguard your marriage.

A lot of men and women don't set out to have affairs but they start incrementally over time.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine having this little trust in my partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine having this little trust in my partner.

I don't see it as trust issue. You want to remove yourself from situations where your trust is put to the test while your brain is not fully engaged but your hormone is.