People in Inappropriate Relationships: How did it start?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not me but one of my best friends. He DM'd her on Instagram and they started talking daily.

How was it inappropriate? Are you saying it was an affair and one or both of them was married? What you describe above isn't inherently an inappropriate way to meet someone unless there's more going on like it's extramarital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely had a strong mutual attraction to a coworker. We never acted on it and no longer even live in the same area (and haven’t worked together in 15 years.) But I can see how things could get out of hand.

Maybe the fire still burns? Drop a text to see the response. Bet there is something still there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not me but one of my best friends. He DM'd her on Instagram and they started talking daily.

How was it inappropriate? Are you saying it was an affair and one or both of them was married? What you describe above isn't inherently an inappropriate way to meet someone unless there's more going on like it's extramarital.

Well she was married and he was twice her age. So. Yeah. I would say it was pretty inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Want to see hookups, stop by the hotel lobby bar on a weekday.

Business travel is the prefect way to have affairs, the company is paying for the hotel and dinners, and it’s a necessity for your job so you don’t have to make excuses to see AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not me but one of my best friends. He DM'd her on Instagram and they started talking daily.

How was it inappropriate? Are you saying it was an affair and one or both of them was married? What you describe above isn't inherently an inappropriate way to meet someone unless there's more going on like it's extramarital.

Well she was married and he was twice her age. So. Yeah. I would say it was pretty inappropriate.

Got it. Inappropriate on two fronts, I agree.

[Anonymous]

The person I have been and am the most attracted to in every way (emotionally, physically, intellectually)…is also inappropriate on multiple levels. I haven’t acted on it though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Want to see hookups, stop by the hotel lobby bar on a weekday.

Business travel is the prefect way to have affairs, the company is paying for the hotel and dinners, and it’s a necessity for your job so you don’t have to make excuses to see AP.

That was the setting for the HABG thread which had the makings of an epic but sadly turned out to be fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely had a strong mutual attraction to a coworker. We never acted on it and no longer even live in the same area (and haven’t worked together in 15 years.) But I can see how things could get out of hand.

Totally relate to this one.

[Anonymous]

My sister dated our dad's longtime boss for a minute or two. At the time, she was 22, and the man was 60ish. This man had known her since we were kids, we had been to his house for parties, etc. His wife had divorced him over an affair that he'd had (not my sister), he had dumped the AP by then, and he asked my sister out. He tried to sweep her off of her feet, too, giving her a credit card and taking her on trips. It didn't last long because our parents didn't like it. The boss retired ~5 years after that, and then passed away a few years later due to a heart attack. If my sister had married him, she would have been a young, very rich widow.

[Anonymous]

I was 17, he was in his mid 30s (he was single). It was fun initially but he was bogged down in angst and guilt about the age difference, which became tiresome, so I ended it.


How did it get started? You come on to him or did he come on to you?

Some of both. He was a friend of my cousin. We actually got along well, in addition to the attraction, but his constant dwelling on the age difference really killed the spark for me.

[Anonymous]

I've been in a few of these, 18-20 to their 35+, friends of my parents, coworkers, and other similar situations (nothing illegal, just inappropriate). It starts with a friendship. Two people get along, make each other laugh, find each other attractive. The tension gradually builds over weeks or months. The jokes get more flirty, lingering gazes, smiles that you hold just a little too long. At some point there's a touch of the hand, then a hand on the arm. Sometimes a hug gives a jolt of electricity. You reveal a little more, and a little more. You start sharing little secrets just to test the waters.

There comes a moment when you just know. That was always my favorite moment, right before you kiss for the first time. It's thrilling and exhilarating and terrifying. I think I kept chasing these situations for so long because I lived for that moment, when it feels like a huge leap of faith to take the first step even if you're 100% certain the other person feels the same. But somebody eventually does take that first step into the undeniable .... and it's fun for a while, but then all downhill from there.

I know now how f-ed up that is. Now happily married in a fully appropriate relationship, and no desire to go back to any of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was my therapist. For years. He knew me inside out.

wow, this is so wrong. did you report him?

in answer to OP’s question - a lot of the “inappropriate” relationships are abusive or involve a big disparity in power.

I have not. For a long time I was protecting him and his family. And myself.

You should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Want to see hookups, stop by the hotel lobby bar on a weekday.

Business travel is the prefect way to have affairs, the company is paying for the hotel and dinners, and it’s a necessity for your job so you don’t have to make excuses to see AP.

That was the setting for the HABG thread which had the makings of an epic but sadly turned out to be fake.

Can confirm this was not a fake thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an attractive woman in my mid 40s and was a model in my teens and 20s. I’ve traveled for work all over the globe for 20+ years. I’ve never experienced or seen anything fishy going on. There was one US based coworker who was rumored to have a second family in a country where we worked but it was never confirmed nor did he behave oddly on trips. I honestly think all this business trip affair talk is hugely overblown. But if it isn’t, I am grateful to have remained ignorant all this time.

It depends on the type of business trip and business. Tradeshows are notorious for hookups because you have so many people together and usually a lot of drinking/social events into the night.

Hm, never thought of that, you may be right. People in my industry don’t tend to drink a lot during business trips, maybe a glass or two of wine with dinner or at the odd reception but there is not partying or wining and dining clients.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister dated our dad's longtime boss for a minute or two. At the time, she was 22, and the man was 60ish. This man had known her since we were kids, we had been to his house for parties, etc. His wife had divorced him over an affair that he'd had (not my sister), he had dumped the AP by then, and he asked my sister out. He tried to sweep her off of her feet, too, giving her a credit card and taking her on trips. It didn't last long because our parents didn't like it. The boss retired ~5 years after that, and then passed away a few years later due to a heart attack. If my sister had married him, she would have been a young, very rich widow.

I can’t think of anything worse or more emasculating for your dad than to have his boss date his 40 years younger daughter. That is so sick. And your thinking is too.