People in Inappropriate Relationships: How did it start?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married co worker, me in live in relationship with long time boyfriend. In a nutshell, too many overnights trips together, too many late night drinks getting to know each other personally and two ultimately unhappy people looking for something better. I guess in a warped sort of way, we became each others therapists and this went on for well over a year before the affair started. Emotional affair first, physical next.

I was totally in love with my much-older boss … we only went on one overnight trip, but we absolutely would have gotten together if there were more. I was kind of stubborn though - ultimately I wanted him to break up with his GF first and not use me as an excuse. I ended up leaving that job in part due to the dynamic, and I am glad I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married co worker, me in live in relationship with long time boyfriend. In a nutshell, too many overnights trips together, too many late night drinks getting to know each other personally and two ultimately unhappy people looking for something better. I guess in a warped sort of way, we became each others therapists and this went on for well over a year before the affair started. Emotional affair first, physical next.

I was totally in love with my much-older boss … we only went on one overnight trip, but we absolutely would have gotten together if there were more. I was kind of stubborn though - ultimately I wanted him to break up with his GF first and not use me as an excuse. I ended up leaving that job in part due to the dynamic, and I am glad I did.

Yes, this dynamic is very real. I've seen it time and time again. I would never let my spouse go on unlimited business trips with a colleague of the opposite sex. I would find a way to join him on as many of those trips as possible if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was my therapist. For years. He knew me inside out.

wow, this is so wrong. did you report him?

in answer to OP’s question - a lot of the “inappropriate” relationships are abusive or involve a big disparity in power.

I have not. For a long time I was protecting him and his family. And myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married co worker, me in live in relationship with long time boyfriend. In a nutshell, too many overnights trips together, too many late night drinks getting to know each other personally and two ultimately unhappy people looking for something better. I guess in a warped sort of way, we became each others therapists and this went on for well over a year before the affair started. Emotional affair first, physical next.

Add in the playful and sexual texts that built up the tension over time and, well, there you have it.

[Anonymous]

It’s so interesting how texting has brought us back to the Victorian age of notes and letter writing as a norm. Remember when we used to spend time on phonecalls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so interesting how texting has brought us back to the Victorian age of notes and letter writing as a norm. Remember when we used to spend time on phonecalls?

Oh yes, yes I do. I would be suspect if my significant other were texting with colleagues with a smile on their face when they were not working. Very suspicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never been in an inappropriate relationship, so I'm curious what the dynamic is like when they cross the threshold. I'm thinking affairs, employer/employee, too much of an age difference, or those kinds of things when it's pretty clear up front that you're doing something you shouldn't. And I'm not so much wondering about the preliminaries or the graphic details once things got started. I'm really curious about those moments when you cross from something with plausible deniability into a relationship you know you shouldn't be having.

For those of you who don't mind sharing such details.

Am I the only one wondering if some of these posts are from novelists with writer’s block?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married co worker, me in live in relationship with long time boyfriend. In a nutshell, too many overnights trips together, too many late night drinks getting to know each other personally and two ultimately unhappy people looking for something better. I guess in a warped sort of way, we became each others therapists and this went on for well over a year before the affair started. Emotional affair first, physical next.

I was totally in love with my much-older boss … we only went on one overnight trip, but we absolutely would have gotten together if there were more. I was kind of stubborn though - ultimately I wanted him to break up with his GF first and not use me as an excuse. I ended up leaving that job in part due to the dynamic, and I am glad I did.

Yes, this dynamic is very real. I've seen it time and time again. I would never let my spouse go on unlimited business trips with a colleague of the opposite sex. I would find a way to join him on as many of those trips as possible if necessary.

Uhm. You’re weird. And, that’s not how it works.

[Anonymous]

I can see how these situations build up, but I just can’t ever see myself pulling the trigger on that first kiss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see how these situations build up, but I just can’t ever see myself pulling the trigger on that first kiss.

You have no idea.

[Anonymous]

We were coworkers and spent lots of time working alone together. We were out drinking and kissed. We both lived with partners at the time but I broke up with my bf the next day and he broke up with his gf a week later. Dated about 6mo and amicably broke up.

[Anonymous]

His trainer almost 20 years younger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His trainer almost 20 years younger

You slept with his trainer or he slept with his trainer?

[Anonymous]

Affairs mostly happen with working women. Its called having proximity and opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married co worker, me in live in relationship with long time boyfriend. In a nutshell, too many overnights trips together, too many late night drinks getting to know each other personally and two ultimately unhappy people looking for something better. I guess in a warped sort of way, we became each others therapists and this went on for well over a year before the affair started. Emotional affair first, physical next.

I was totally in love with my much-older boss … we only went on one overnight trip, but we absolutely would have gotten together if there were more. I was kind of stubborn though - ultimately I wanted him to break up with his GF first and not use me as an excuse. I ended up leaving that job in part due to the dynamic, and I am glad I did.

Yes, this dynamic is very real. I've seen it time and time again. I would never let my spouse go on unlimited business trips with a colleague of the opposite sex. I would find a way to join him on as many of those trips as possible if necessary.

Uhm. You’re weird. And, that’s not how it works.

Uhm, speaking from experience, that's exactly how it works. Every single person I know (and there are many in my world) who have been in this situation spent too much time with a non partner/spouse in an out of office business situation. It happens much more frequently than you know. I'm not weird, just knowledgable.