Impressive sounding things about you that aren’t actually impressive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was on Jeopardy and won a game.

I think that's great. I have a friend who won quite a bit on Wheel of Fortune.

That's cool for your friend--I think the average Wheel winner probably wins more than the average Jeopardy winner! It was a cool experience, but so random--people assume I'm smart and I am in some ways but there are other skills where I'm FAR below average.

[Anonymous]

I have a degree from Harvard.

[Anonymous]

I am a lawyer. I played D3 soccer. I ski well but never raced.

I cannot for the life of me fold a fitted sheet. That has vexed me my entirely life. Considering throwing them all out and going with two flat sheets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a lawyer. I played D3 soccer. I ski well but never raced.

I cannot for the life of me fold a fitted sheet. That has vexed me my entirely life. Considering throwing them all out and going with two flat sheets.

This is the same PP.

*entire

I also have never learned how to disable autocorrect.

[Anonymous]

I was a D1 athlete.

[Anonymous]

I won gold at the national championship in my niche sport several years in a row. I was also the only entrant in my age group.

But I can fold a fitted sheet! (Martha Stewart has a great video on this somewhere.)

[Anonymous]

Senior White House staffer

But so were all of my friends.

[Anonymous]

My method for folding a fitted sheet:

Shake well.
Find corners and pull ends to straighten corners.
Fold sheet in half.
Fold sheet in half again.
Get extremely frustrated when corner drops and first fold bulges out the bottom.
Curse and roll the whole thing in a ball.
Shut the closet door as if I’m keeping out an ace murderer.
Sigh and promise I’ll do better next time.

[Anonymous]

Porn star

[Anonymous]

Went to an “elite” high school and college. - but I did just ok academically. No career ambition either.

Have “advanced degrees.” - but in English and Literature.

Have played classical piano for decades. - I can’t play a thing without music. Cannot memorize a piece.

Have studied a half dozen languages, including Latin. - am nowhere near fluent in any and am only conversant in one besides English. Would probably have been better to buckle down and study one to fluency.

In summary, I’m basically a shiftless deadbeat who can’t focus and have never been serious or become an expert in anything!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can fold a fitted sheet.

You're lying. That's physically impossible.

Nope. Because I can also fold fitted sheets. In fact, I gave an impromptu demonstration at Macy's a few years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a parrot.

Is it an African Grey? Super smart birds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a parrot.

I have never seen this. Thanks. I love Monty Python.

[Anonymous]

I have had three of my books published. I was a friend of an editor and just happened to be in the right place at the right time. The books are novels for pre-teens.

I was a state champion in the high jump. The actual height is not all that impressive.

I learned how to fold fitted sheets at age 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I performed 3 times at the Kennedy center. On the stage, playing a musical instrument in a symphonic band. Huge audiences. But it was for high school graduations

I performed at the Kennedy Center too! But playing an instrument in an orchestra, and I think all the times were for a Christmas concert. Still, it was pretty cool.

I'm jealous of the side aerial poster - I can't do that anymore, but can still do front and back handsprings and flips.