What would you do in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's funny that people who are happy to eat in a restaurant where you have no idea who has coughed or sneezed on your food can absolutely freak out if the tines of someone's fork has touched a teeny tiny spot of your food. What are you worried about catching via that bite of food that you aren't going to get in the restaurant bathroom?

I would try to relax a bit.

Look, I would have no problem eating it, but it is ridiculously rude for anyone, without asking, to stick their fork in the middle of someone’s plate. I would not freak out over germs, but i would tell the person to stop. And come on, we all know people who are picky about how they eat - germs, the order of food, etc. OP’s friend is either totally clueless - and needs to be educated - or did it on purpose to mess with OP - so she should be called out.

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update - I just couldn't stop thinking about it so I texted my friend. I think part of the issue is that I'd been having a stressful time lately, hadn't gone out to eat in ages, was really looking forward to the meal, and then my friend (who does not have my concerns) just callously swiped her fork through my dish and it felt symbolic of so much more.

So basically I texted her asking to meet up for a walk to discuss it. We're going to walk tomorrow and I will bring it up as an entree (no pun intended) into the bigger issues I see with her not being empathetic to what I have been dealing with in life lately.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully this ends the friendship. You sound exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update - I just couldn't stop thinking about it so I texted my friend. I think part of the issue is that I'd been having a stressful time lately, hadn't gone out to eat in ages, was really looking forward to the meal, and then my friend (who does not have my concerns) just callously swiped her fork through my dish and it felt symbolic of so much more.

So basically I texted her asking to meet up for a walk to discuss it. We're going to walk tomorrow and I will bring it up as an entree (no pun intended) into the bigger issues I see with her not being empathetic to what I have been dealing with in life lately.

Ooook. Can’t wait to hear this update.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update - I just couldn't stop thinking about it so I texted my friend. I think part of the issue is that I'd been having a stressful time lately, hadn't gone out to eat in ages, was really looking forward to the meal, and then my friend (who does not have my concerns) just callously swiped her fork through my dish and it felt symbolic of so much more.

So basically I texted her asking to meet up for a walk to discuss it. We're going to walk tomorrow and I will bring it up as an entree (no pun intended) into the bigger issues I see with her not being empathetic to what I have been dealing with in life lately.

You are obsessing and are projecting on your friend. If you really want to enjoy your enchiladas, just go get takeout, sit outside and just chill for a little bit. Hopefully this will let you calm down and ensure you don't lose a friend over something this petty.

[Anonymous]

She sounds rude/classless.
Have you not noticed that up to now?

You cannot ask her for money.

You could have eaten the rest of your meal, leaving just the middle (where her fork went in).

I am pretty direct with my friends, and would have spoken up if we were close.

If not, I might drop her. Sounds inconsiderate (like a social oaf!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you hanging out with someone who you obviously think is germ ridden?

All people are, if you understand microbiology.

[Anonymous]

What would *I* do in that situation?

I would have eaten my entree and forgotten about this by now.

[Anonymous]

Personally I think the people that don't share are the ones with issues. I would not care ONE BIT if one of my friends took a bite off something on my plate.

OP, you sound exhausting and I hope your friend dumps you.

[Anonymous]

Take it as a lesson learned. I have a friend who dug her fork into my duck and I cringed and was so disgusted (alsp stopped eating it). I make sure to never eat with her, and if we must, I sit as far away as possible. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think the people that don't share are the ones with issues. I would not care ONE BIT if one of my friends took a bite off something on my plate.

OP, you sound exhausting and I hope your friend dumps you.

That's very mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think the people that don't share are the ones with issues. I would not care ONE BIT if one of my friends took a bite off something on my plate.

OP, you sound exhausting and I hope your friend dumps you.

That's very mean.

It's the reality for people who aren't germaphobes ridden with anxiety. Friend was rude ish, but to confront days later is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last week, I was out to dinner with a friend and was really enjoying a delicious lobster enchilada plate. My friend asked to try some, so I put a bit, using a clean knife, onto her plate. She said, "Wow, this is amazing" -- then dug back into my plate using her dirty fork, piercing the center of my entree!! Which made me grossed out so I didn't eat any more of it. It was expensive too. Somehow this has been eating at me, no pun intended, because I rarely eat out and it was a special meal that I then couldn't eat.
I didn't say anything at the time and she didn't notice that I stopped eating, just switched to chips.
I was almost thinking of sending her a text asking her to please Venmo me for the cost of the meal but that seems really aggressive, right?

Since you asked what would we do, I wouldn't do anything about this particular incident a week after it happened (I certainly wouldn't mention it or ask for money for my meal back). The next time you go out to eat with her, mention that you really don't like to share food and then don't.

But the most important thing I would do, is get some therapy for my OCD/fear of germs

This. If this is enough of a trigger I can't imagine you can ever travel outside of maybe a Disney cruise (which are petei dishes of disease) but OP doesn't seem logical so that tracks. Asking to Venmo money for your meal? Really? I can't believe I'm defending someone who reached in for a bite, but that's "raised by wolves" territory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, it was rude of her. I understand why you couldn't say anything in the moment, but please speak up if it happens again. "I have a thing about sharing food. I prefer to serve you before I eat, so there's no accidental contamination."

You're not going to die if you catch an opportunistic bacteria or virus from her mouth. But you can get annoying things, like Herpes simplex. So, best to avoid.

- microbiologist

Okay, technically true, but I think anyone this fussy has no business eating out . Ever been in a restaurant kitchen? Do you share popcorn at the movies? Both of your hands were in the chip bowl, unless you asked for tongs. Are you immunocompromised? Your friend had bad manners but no way would I out myself as a parsimonious, uptight germaphobe by asking her to reimburse you for meal.

Sigh. DP, and I would eaten the lobster anyway, minus that small section, but surely you can understand that hands in popcorn/chips are different than using a fork that’s been inside your mouth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I actually texted her asking to chat about it. Stay tuned.

You're going to lose a friend and she's going to get a good cocktail party story. Especially if you ask for reimbursement.

A good cocktail story about herself being a rude, greedy pig? What an odd take.