What would you do in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a related subject...We have a group of friends that we go out to dinner with. They share food - they offer and pass around what's on their plate, and expect me to share my appetizers and dinner. I do not want to do this. If I order and pay for my food, I want to eat it. I don't like the possibility of germs as the plate passes and people take some, and I also do not like having to give portions out to people (to keep my plate germ safe.) I don't mean to sound paranoid here...I just want to order and eat and pay for my own dinner myself. Anyone have any advice for me?

It's perfectly normal to say, hey I'd rather not do family style for myself.

Nobody should give you a hard time. If they do, just know the problem is them, not you, and avoid eating out with the same people in the future.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t ask her to refund your food. You could have kept eating or eating around the part where she ate. She was rude, but you are being a little over the top too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, it was rude of her. I understand why you couldn't say anything in the moment, but please speak up if it happens again. "I have a thing about sharing food. I prefer to serve you before I eat, so there's no accidental contamination."

You're not going to die if you catch an opportunistic bacteria or virus from her mouth. But you can get annoying things, like Herpes simplex. So, best to avoid.

- microbiologist

Okay, technically true, but I think anyone this fussy has no business eating out . Ever been in a restaurant kitchen? Do you share popcorn at the movies? Both of your hands were in the chip bowl, unless you asked for tongs. Are you immunocompromised? Your friend had bad manners but no way would I out myself as a parsimonious, uptight germaphobe by asking her to reimburse you for meal.

[Anonymous]

OK, I actually texted her asking to chat about it. Stay tuned.

[Anonymous]

I don't do that food-sharing thing, and my friends know it. In that situation, I would have probably grabbed my plate and moved it away before she got her fork into it. And if I wasn't fast enough, I would have absolutely said something right there at that moment.

I also want to know where I can find these lobster enchiladas.

[Anonymous]

She was rude to help herself to your food, but it shouldn't have stopped you from addressing it in the moment (tell her you don't like other utensils in your food so you're ordering another one - maybe she'd have offered to pay for it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a related subject...We have a group of friends that we go out to dinner with. They share food - they offer and pass around what's on their plate, and expect me to share my appetizers and dinner. I do not want to do this. If I order and pay for my food, I want to eat it. I don't like the possibility of germs as the plate passes and people take some, and I also do not like having to give portions out to people (to keep my plate germ safe.) I don't mean to sound paranoid here...I just want to order and eat and pay for my own dinner myself. Anyone have any advice for me?

Either speak up and say you’re not sharing or find different dining companions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless they are sick, I’d have no problem eating after a friend.
I also have never had Covid, and have not been sick since before the pandemic. I just don’t freak out about germs. Works for me.

Same, down to never having Covid. It was rude not to ask to go in for a bite, but overall would not have cared and would have continued my meal. I accept that germs are everywhere, but they generally don't bother me. No one in my house gets sick more than once in a blue moon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless they are sick, I’d have no problem eating after a friend.
I also have never had Covid, and have not been sick since before the pandemic. I just don’t freak out about germs. Works for me.

Same, down to never having Covid. It was rude not to ask to go in for a bite, but overall would not have cared and would have continued my meal. I accept that germs are everywhere, but they generally don't bother me. No one in my house gets sick more than once in a blue moon.

DP. And that's great for you two PPs. But, not everyone has the same stellar immune systems that you have, and people are allowed to have their preferences, however different they might be from yours.

OP, I would never ask the friend for money, but I'd also never eat with her again (because she seems to have been raised by wolves).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, I actually texted her asking to chat about it. Stay tuned.

You're going to lose a friend and she's going to get a good cocktail party story. Especially if you ask for reimbursement.

[Anonymous]

Friend was definitely rude, but you are making a huge deal out of it. I am fairly germaphobic and I would have just eaten around where her fork touched, or just gotten over my anxiety and eaten the whole thing. I think it’s a very small minority of people who are so incredibly anxious they couldn’t have eaten anything. So there’s no way your friend could have known! I am interested to see what she says back, but I think this may make things so awkward in the future she will just never eat out with you again.

[Anonymous]

Everyone has lost their manners post-pandemic. Barbarians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friend was definitely rude, but you are making a huge deal out of it. I am fairly germaphobic and I would have just eaten around where her fork touched, or just gotten over my anxiety and eaten the whole thing. I think it’s a very small minority of people who are so incredibly anxious they couldn’t have eaten anything. So there’s no way your friend could have known! I am interested to see what she says back, but I think this may make things so awkward in the future she will just never eat out with you again.

Ok, I disagree that her friend had no way of knowing she was ruining the meal. It is really weird to just stick your fork into someone’s plate, especially after they cut off a piece for you to try. My guess is the “friend” knew exactly what she was doing and was testing the OPs reaction. But op should have blocked her plate and called her out at the time.

OP, if you go out with her again, tell her to not take anything off your plate before the meal arrives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, I actually texted her asking to chat about it. Stay tuned.

Freak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I actually texted her asking to chat about it. Stay tuned.

Freak.

Why is this freakish? Sometimes it's good to be refreshingly honest and transparent with people.